Elusive Reality
by AllorNothingKR
Summary: After the death of her father, Bella is sentenced to a life of solitude. This is her story in which she attempts to determine what really happened, who she was, and what was just a figment of her imagination, including her relationship with Edward Cullen.
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

I had never known loneliness like this before. It was cold and damp here. The six by nine space felt like it got smaller every day. There is a small rectangle window near the ceiling. I can see the clouds out of it, but that is all. It is too high to reach. The walls are made of cement blocks that had been painted white some time ago. The paint was chipping. There were silver hooks at the top, middle and bottom of the walls. I imagined they would hold the padding, should I ever become violent and try to hurt myself.

I have been in this hell hole for months now and I have never left this room, and nobody has ever entered it. At least I had my own bathroom, if you could call it that. It wasn't much, just a toilet, a small stainless steel sink and a tiny stand up shower stall. I didn't even have a mirror. I often wondered about how grotesque I had become. I remember being fond of hair products and lipgloss. They didn't allow me to use a razor. I couldn't shave my legs, or anything for that matter. It was truly disgusting.

Some underpaid orderly person routinely pushed my medication and meals through a rectangle space in the window of my door. The person always stood there, staring at me through the glass window of the door and watched me swallow my medicine. When I was finished I had had to show her the inside of my mouth and lift my tongue. After I did that, the person disappeared. They never cared if I ate or not, only that my medication went down.

Someone would come by and pick up the tray that my meal had arrived on precisely forty minutes after it was delivered. They didn't allow me to have a watch or a clock. I counted the seconds for an entire week to arrive at my conclusion regarding meal times. Thirty minutes was allotted for breakfast and lunch and forty minutes for diner and medication.

Tonight, like last night, I only pretended to swallow my medication. While my head was back, I quickly used my tongue to lodge the two little blue pills between my gums and my cheek. I graciously slid the little plastic cup through the rectangle space in the door and smiled. Once the orderly had moved on to the next room, I spit the pills out and put them in the toilet. I find that I can remember him better if I don't take my medication. Him. It made me sad to think of his name, although I was glad it came to me so easily today. Edward Cullen. The love of my life, or so I thought.

I really didn't know what to believe anymore. Most days I had to look at the band around my wrist to remember my own name. Isabella Marie Swan. On days like these in which I was absent of the medicated haze, and I could remember him so clearly, I truly believed he was real and not a figment of my imagination, or my illness. I must be really mentally ill to conjure up someone as magnificent as him in my mind. But, like they said, if he was real, why had he never come to see me here. Why had he never looked for me? Why didn't he write to me? He never existed, says my mother; says everyone.


	2. Elusive Reality  Chapter 1

***Author's Note: Please note the date/location in this chapter versus the Prologue so you don't get confused. The story will go back and forth between past and present a little bit.

CHAPTER 1

London, England - 2004

I walked through the automatic glass doors at London Heathrow Airport and took in a large breath of fresh air. I thought I'd never make it here.

It was my Senior year of college and I was spending it abroad. I couldn't be happier to study international business on the other side of the world. I had always had a small fascination with London anyway, so when I was accepted for the study abroad program through the University of Westminster, I was elated.

I rented a tiny flat near the university. My grandmother's inheritance covered my tuition and the entire year's worth of rent. I wouldn't even have to work.

As soon as my belongings were unpacked, I hit the streets to familiarize myself with the area and find a good local pub. I ended up at some hole in the wall place that had beer specials and live music. The music wasn't that great initially. I'm not sure it was even music. It was just a bunch of college kids laughing and having a good time. That is, until, I heard his voice. He eventually began strumming his guitar in a rhythm and lifted his mouth to the mic. What came out of him was unlike anything I'd ever heard before. It made me freeze. I just sat there, beer in hand, gaping at him. He was so childish and full of laughter a moment ago, and now the words he sang and the emotion behind them were ripping me apart inside.

There's a soft sweet space on the back of your neck

Smells like rain

There's a way you look at me baby

Heals my pain

I've studied every inch of your body

Baby, what's on your mind

The touch of your skin just pulls me in

Every single time

When he finished the song, he looked up momentarily and our eyes met. We held our gaze for a second before he broke away and began laughing again with his buddies. I went back to nursing my beer.

The guys on stage grabbed their guitars and allowed the next group to come up. The three of them were walking past me and one of them pushed the handsome one in front, with the voice, urging him on.

"Just talk to her, you pussy!" They pushed him forward even more and he almost fell into the empty chair across from me. His beautiful cheeks flushed red as he stood to look at me.

"Um, Hi," he started. "Sorry about that; they get a little rowdy when they drink too much."

His accent nearly had me melting into my chair. I felt my cheeks color immediately. This man was entirely too beautiful to want to speak to me. I shook my head, "No, it's okay."

We exchanged an awkward moment of silence.

"Is anyone sitting here?" he finally asked, motioning to the chair in front of him at my table.

"No, I'm alone."

A large smile spread across his perfect face. "Do you mind if I join you?"

I smiled and shook my head.

"So, what is a beautiful American girl doing in London at a place like this all by herself?"

"Well, I just arrived actually. London is going to be my home for the next year while I attend UW. I don't know anybody yet, so, hence why I'm alone."

His glassy green eye grew larger in surprise. "Really? I just graduated from UW."

"You did?" I asked. I wanted to beg him to show me around campus, but I hesitated. Perhaps he only wanted a roll in the sheets. I'd be okay with that, based on the way he looked alone. He was tall, toned, and fucking beautiful. He had a mess of wild copper hair atop his head, green eyes, and a smile that could make your knees turn to mush.

"Yea, I studied business there and now I'm doing some small business transactions in my spare time for my father's company, but I'm really just taking a break from everything before I really have to dive into the working world."

" How did you like the program? I'm studying international business."

"Oh, it's really good. There are some really great professors there..."

He was about to go on when his two lanky and slightly awkward friends popped up behind him. "Hey man, we're heading out, you coming or staying?"

The yet to be named handsome figure of a man before me, looked to me and then back to his friends. "I'm going to stay here a bit. I'll catch up with you guys."

His friends laughed and made inappropriate jokes as they left us to our conversation.

"I'm sorry, what's your name?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry," he laughed. "I'm Edward. Edward Cullen. And you are?"

"Bella Swan."

"Bella? That's a beautiful name. It's very fitting of you."

I smiled shyly as I felt my cheeks tint crimson again.

Before we knew it, we were being kicked out of the pub. Edward started to question the bartender, asking what the problem was, and why he was making us leave, when the bartender informed us they closed half an hour ago.

We must have sat there talking for hours and not even realized the time passing. Edward laughed at himself and escorted me out of the pub. It was raining, which made it feel a bit chilly. I pulled my coat tightly around me as I scanned the area around the bar.

"Should I call you cab?" Edward suddenly asked as he held his guitar case over his head.

I laughed at the sight of him. "No, that's okay. I walked, I think I'm just around the corner over there." I pointed a couple blocks ahead of us and then turned and looked the other direction. "Or over there..." I was lost. I couldn't remember which direction I came from.

Edward laughed at me. "What's your address? I'll walk you home."

I rattled off my address. "Oh, that's right by me! We're practically neighbors." He smiled and ushered us along the sidewalk.

By the time we arrived to my flat, we were soaking wet and freezing cold. He walked me all the way inside and up to my door. I stood in the doorway, watching him shiver like a little lost puppy.

"Would you like to come inside for a minute and warm up?"

He stood there, dripping wet, with his mouth hanging open for a moment before he agreed and stepped inside.

My flat was tiny. It was just a small studio, but it was cozy and quaint and I loved it. It consisted of one large room, which was my bedroom, living room and kitchen, with a tiny bathroom and laundry area off the entry way.

"Sorry, it isn't much."

Edward looked around briefly. "You don't have any furniture."

"Not yet, I just got here yesterday. I just need to get a bed."

Edward looked appalled. "Where have you been sleeping?"

I pointed to the corner of the room where my sleeping bag and pillow wear neatly folded.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

"Yea, it's not a big deal, really. I was going to get a bed or pull out couch tonight, but I ended up talking to some random guy at a bar all night."

Edward laughed. "What an ass hole that guy is."

I laughed too.

"Well, I can't very well let you stay here."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I feel responsible that I delayed your shopping trip. You can stay at my place tonight. I have a spare bedroom and I will see to it that you get a proper bed tomorrow."

"Oh, that's really not necessary. I'll be okay here." Was he asking me to spend the night?

"I insist."

Ok! "Well, if you insist."

He smiled this killer crooked smile that I will never tire of seeing. "Just grab an umbrella and we'll be on our way."

I packed a small bag, grabbed an umbrella and headed out with Edward.

His place was a block down the street in a really nice building. He failed to mention prior to my arrival that he had the penthouse suite.

"How do you afford this?" I asked, as I stepped inside and was astounded with the beauty of the place.

"Oh, it's not much. My dad owns it. He owns a lot of places."

Not much? I'm pretty sure I looked at a couple places in this building and it was three times my current rent. It was a moderately sized two bedroom flat. It was gorgeous and disgusting all at the same time. The living room was rather grand with a beautiful bay window overlooking the city. It had a really cute bench seat that was littered with papers. To the left of the window was a baby grand piano and across the room was a sofa and love seat with matching end tables. There were beer cans and trash scattered about, but the bones of the flat were beautiful. The hardwood floors were in excellent shape. I walked further in, inspecting the kitchen, which didn't look safe to enter.

"You're an immaculate housekeeper," I teased.

He laughed and his cheeks colored in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting guests."

He apologized but made no move to attempt to clean anything up. It was nearly 4:00 a.m. and I was exhausted and still jet lagged.

I yawned. "So, where will I be staying?" I asked.

"Oh, yes, of course. Follow me." We walked down the small hallway. There was a room to the left and right, and a bathroom directly in front of us. We entered the room on the right. It was obviously his bedroom, but at least it was better kept than the kitchen. "You can stay in here, I'll stay in the study."

"I thought you had a guest room. I don't want to put you out."

"Oh, no, it's nothing. I have a pull out sofa in my study." He motioned me across the hall where we entered a small library of sorts. It was complete with walls of books, a writing desk, a computer desk, and a small sofa.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I really don't mind the sofa at all."

"I'm positive, please, take my bed."

I nodded my head in agreement and went across the hall to his room. We went our separate ways and I got ready for bed, changing into my pajamas. I would normally just wear a t-shirt to bed, but I actually made a conscious decision to grab pajama pants and a matching tank. I was just pulling the tank top over my head when I heard a knock on the bedroom door.

I walked to the door and opened it quietly. I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

Edward, standing before me, bare chested, with only a pair of jersey cotton pajama pants on. He looked like sex on legs. I knew my mouth was hanging open, but I couldn't make it shut. I couldn't breathe. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and I wanted to reach out and touch him so badly.

That's when I noticed the little cup and saucer in his hand.

"I made some hot tea. Would you like a cup?" he offered, attempting to hand the cup and saucer over to me.

I smiled and reached out and took it. "Yes, thank you. That sounds wonderful."

"Let me know if I can get you anything else. Please, make yourself at home."

I smiled shyly. "Thank you; you've been more than hospitable."

He flashed me that damn crooked grin and said goodnight. I watched him turn to enter the study. Even his ass looked delicious. I sighed and returned to his room and sipped my hot tea before turning into bed.

His bed actually smelled quite enticing. It smelled like him, a little bit of smoke and spice. It smelled good. I had been laying in bed, tossing and turning a bit, when I heard it. The piano playing softly. It was beautiful. At first I didn't believe it was him. It sounded too perfect. I quietly crawled out of bed and attempted to come up with an excuse to leave his room and see if it was him playing. I grabbed my now empty tea cup and saucer and decided I needed to return them to the kitchen.

I opened his bedroom door very quietly, so he couldn't hear me and I tiptoed out to the end of the hall and peeked into the living room towards the large bay window. There he was, in his bare chested glory, playing the piano and bathed in moonlight. The sight literally took my breath away. He was so talented and the song he played sounded so emotional and he looked emotional.

I didn't move until the song he played came to an end and then I cleared my throat to make him aware of my presence. He looked over at me quickly and smiled. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" he asked.

"Oh, no. I was just returning my dishes to the kitchen. That was really beautiful though. You're incredible."

"It's nothing. I've played my entire life. It helps me sleep sometimes. I'm sorry if it was keeping you up."

"No, it was beautiful. Please, don't stop on my account."

He continued to play and I dropped my dishes quietly in the sink before returning to the living room. I laid on the couch and listened to him play. It lulled me quickly to sleep.

The next thing I remembered was waking, in his arms, the early morning sun drifting in through the bay window. He was carrying me to bed, his bed. I pretended to remain asleep as he carefully carried me through his flat and into his room. He laid me gently down on his bed and pulled the covers over me. I could feel him linger in the room momentarily before he left quietly.

I woke a few hours later and it was unusually quiet. I assumed he was still asleep. I cleaned myself up a bit and made my way out to the living room. The piano was easily the most beautiful thing in the room. I sat in front of it, gently tracing the keys he touched so effortlessly the night before, careful not to actually sound the keys.

I wandered aimlessly and quietly around his flat until I became bored. I didn't want to leave before he woke. I knew I should. I should have returned to my flat and probably never spoken to him again, but I couldn't. I just had this terrible desire to be near him.

I eventually grew too impatient and needed something to do to occupy my time until he woke. I began cleaning his apartment. It was quite the task. By the time I finished, I had gathered two bags of trash that sat near the door. I hoped he wouldn't mind. His apartment sparkled now, especially his kitchen. I thought about making him breakfast, to thank him for his hospitality, but the place was devoid of food.

As I thought about running out to grab us something for breakfast, I heard him rustling about the room. He stumbled aimlessly out of the room and into the bathroom, never looking my direction. I heard the water run momentarily and the toilet flush before he exited and saw me sitting on his couch.

He smiled his unbelievably gorgeous smile at me and said, "Good morning, Bella."

I was rendered speechless, so all I could do was smile and nod in return. Edward went to his room, and returned a few minutes later, completely dressed. He came into the living room and stopped suddenly, looking around.

"Holy shit this place is clean. Did you do this?" he asked.

"I, uh, well, yeah. I hope you don't mind. It's just so beautiful without the trash."

He laughed. "I don't mind, but you really shouldn't have. I'm a terrible house keeper."

"I figured it was the least I could do since you offered me your bed last night."

He smiled at me. "I assume you realized there was nothing decent to eat in there, right?" he said, motioning towards the kitchen.

I nodded my head.

"Well, come on then. I owe you breakfast and a bed."

I smiled and jumped to my feet.

Edward and I enjoyed a wonderful breakfast at a little cafe between our flats and then we went on the hunt for the perfect bed. We found it, or rather, it found us. We were strolling through a department store when a herd of little children came running down the aisle towards us, knocking us backwards on to a display bed. We both laughed, but we were so comfortable, neither of us made a move to get up. The bed was big, the type of bed I would possibly need a step stool to get into. Edward insisted we could still get the mattress and box springs, the comfortable part, and buy a smaller frame that would be more appropriate for my studio flat.

Edward enlisted the help of Emmett, one of the guys he was playing with the night I met him, and his enormous pickup truck to deliver my bed so I wouldn't have to pay for delivery. They got it safely to my flat and all set up for me. Edward even helped me make the bed. It took up most of the room, but I didn't care, because sleeping on it felt like sleeping on clouds.

I excused myself to the bathroom, and due to the small size of my flat, I could hear Emmett and Edward talking.

"What's going on with you two?" Emmett asked Edward.

"I don't know. What do you mean?"

"Dude, she's fucking hot, and you let her spend the night at your flat and you slept in separate rooms? What the fuck? That is so unlike you."

I heard Edward laugh lightly. "She's not like that, Emmett. I don't want to use her."

I did a silent celebratory dance in the bathroom.

"Whoa, that sounds serious man," Emmett said. "What are you going to do with her if you're not going to fuck her?"

Edward laughed again. "I don't know. I just like being around her."

"Okay man, whatever floats your boat."

I exited the bathroom as I wasn't comfortable listening to anything more. I thanked them both for helping me and Emmett left before Edward did.

Edward and I stood in front of my door looking at each other stupidly, wondering what to do next.

"Thank you again for helping me today. You've been so kind."

Edward smiled. "It was nothing. Thank you for cleaning my flat."

I smiled. "It wasn't a big deal."

"So, what are you doing tomorrow?" Edward asked.

"I don't have any plans," I said honestly.

"Well, I was thinking maybe I could show you around campus and we could grab brunch or something."

"Oh! That would be wonderful! I'm going to be so lost on Monday!"

Edward laughed. "I'll meet you here at 11:00 a.m. I've had a really great time with you. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded my head and saw him out, grinning like a little school girl.

***Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews 3 Mental Health Institute Bella is back in the next chapter w/ some answers for you!

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Or Facebook: Allornothingkr at gmail (dot) com


	3. Elusive Reality  Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

I felt trapped. I was stuck between these four small walls and all I wanted to do was scream and get out. I couldn't remember the last time I heard my own voice. I wasn't sure it even worked anymore. I tested it out, speaking to no one but myself.

"Hello?"

It came out a strangled whisper. I cleared my throat and tried again. It was normal. At least I could still speak.

I often went back and forth with my decision to either take my medication or not take it. I liked remembering Edward, but when I remembered him, I also remembered other things. Other things, like waking up to my mother screaming at me, asking me what I did, and seeing my dead father next to me in a pool of blood. I shuttered at the thought and felt the warm tears pool in my eyes. Today I would take my medication, because today I wanted to forget.

They told me I killed him and that is why I was here. I wouldn't have. I couldn't have. I missed my dad as much as I missed Edward. It hurt more to think about my dad though, because according to a jury of 12, I killed him with my bare hands.

When I had vivid memories of my father, I almost wanted to request the padding be put on my walls. I wanted to hurt myself for what I did. Why would I hurt my own father? I loved him more than anything, especially my mother. Sure, we had our moments, especially before I left for London, but what family doesn't have their problems?

Whoever the hell was serving dinner tonight was late accordingly to my constant counting. I needed my fucking medication.

If I counted correctly, today was the second Saturday of the month. My mother would visit me at 6:00 p.m., after dinner. We would stare at each other for twenty minutes and she would leave, but only after I asked her about Edward and she insisted he was a figment of my imagination.

I sighed and paced the floor, waiting on dinner. The floor was cold. It was concrete and boring. They didn't let me have socks. I was always cold. I had to wear these generic one size fits all clothes, which were really just thin sheets of cotton. The shirt was far too big for me, but at least the pants had a drawstring. Don't worry, I had already thought about pulling it out and hanging myself, but it broke. It's like a paper towel. These fucking people think of everything.

I didn't want to die. I wanted to find Edward. I wanted to find out what happened. I wanted the truth. The longer I was here, the more hopeless I felt. The more I felt like I would never leave and that Edward would never come for me.

"Swan!"

Dinner was here! I turned to face the steel door and accepted my tray while staring at the overweight androgynous woman on the other side of the glass. I took the little plastic cup with the two blue pills and popped them in my mouth immediately. I took a sip of water and swallowed them anxiously before passing the cup back to the beast and showing her the underside of my tongue. She was satisfied and moved on to the next cell.

I ate my dinner quickly. I was hungry and eager to see my mom before the medication really started to effect me.

At first I thought the food was disgusting. It felt like chewing on rubber, no matter what it was. But now, I was getting used to it. The rubber carrots were comforting now and so was the plastic salisbury steak served every Saturday. The food schedule also helped me keep up with the days of the week. This place did everything on a schedule.

Forty minutes latter when the woman came back for my tray, she unlocked my cell. The sound of that lock clicking was the most wonderful thing I ever got to hear. I often fantasized about running as fast as I could as soon as it was unlocked but there were doors everywhere. Large, steel, locked doors. Her attendant entered my cell and placed the cuffs and chains around my ankles and then my wrists. I wasn't allowed out unless I was bound at the wrists and ankles. The attendant led me through two sets of doors before I was in the visiting area, which consisted of a cold concrete room with interior windows, none to the outside world. My mom sat at a small picnic like table inside. They opened the door for me and told me, "Twenty minutes, no gifts."

I never knew if I should be excited or terrified of seeing my mom once a month. I was glad at least one person on the planet came to see me, but I also had this nagging feeling that she had something to do with my being here.

"Hey, mom." My voice still worked.

"Hi, Bella." She smiled, it appeared genuine. She reached for my hand as a I sat and she held it. "How are you?"

Why does she even ask that question? I shrugged my shoulders. How the hell does she think I am?

"Are you staying on your medication? It really helps you."

"Yeah, yeah. I take it every night."

She nodded her head. "Good."

"How long is my sentence?" I asked. I think I ask her every time, but I forget.

She took a deep breath, as usual. "Twenty years."

I couldn't grasp how long that was. It was far too long. I wondered what Edward would look like 20 years from now. "Have you heard from Edward?" I asked.

"Bella, honey, we've talked about this. Are you sure you're still taking your medication?"

I nodded my head. "I promise. Why?"

"Bella, Edward isn't real. He doesn't exist. He's only in your mind."

I shook my head. "He's not only in my mind. I met him in London. We were happy together."

"Then why hasn't he come to see you? Has he written to you?"

"I don't know. He probably doesn't know where I am. Can I get mail here? Why can't I write to anyone?"

"You can get mail. They don't feel you're stable enough to use a pen or pencil yet. I've spoken with the doctor and we might start you out with crayons soon if you continue to do well."

"Crayons? What am I? A fucking five year old?"

"Bella, watch your language."

"Tell me again why I killed Dad?" I knew this conversation always pissed her off.

"Do we really need to go over this again, Bella? We have the same conversation every time I'm here."

"Yeah, I want to know."

"Well, I don't know exactly why. I wasn't there. I just know you two had an argument before you left for London and you hadn't spoke much while you were gone and when you came home from Christmas, you got in an argument and the next thing I knew, I came home and he was gone and you were next to him with the knife in your hand."

Every time she told me the story I couldn't remember any argument. I couldn't remember anything but waking up with the knife in my hand. "What was the argument about?" I asked.

"I don't know, Bella."

I began to tear up. Something wasn't right. "Why would I kill my Dad?" I asked her. "I love him. I miss him so much. If anyone had a problem with him, it was you."

"Bella, stop it. Right now. We are not having this conversation again."

I sat there and cried. "Can I have a picture of him?"

"I don't have a picture with me, Bella, and besides, you're not allowed any gifts or personal belongings."

"Will you look for Edward? His name is Edward Cullen. He works for Cullen Enterprises in London. Please, mom?" With that she stood quickly, pushing the chair out behind her.

"You need to up the dosage on your medication. It's obviously not working. This Edward person isn't real, Bella! I'm going to speak with your doctor right away."

She turned and left. She never looked back at me. The attendant guided me back to my cell, removed my cuffs and chains and left me alone in my sorrow. I fell asleep crying.

I awoke a couple of hours later. It was dark. The medicated haze had taken over and it took me a few minutes to realize where I was.

The sounds you heard in this place at night were terrifying. People talking to themselves, slamming themselves against the concrete walls, telling nobody in particular that they were going to kill them. I guess that is to be expected in a mental institute.

I paced the cold concrete floor trying to remember the conversation I had previously with my mother. I couldn't remember much. Something about crayons not being real. I shook my head. That wasn't right.

I wonder if I could stop up the sink with something and leave the water running until I drowned. Somebody would probably see the water leaving my room and stop it before it got me. I sighed and continued pacing. It was too fucking cold to sleep.

I looked out the tiny window and could see the moon. It was so beautiful. I ached to be outdoors again. To feel the breeze against my skin and the warmth of the sun. The moon triggered a memory. I remember looking at the moon one night on campus with Edward. I think it was the first time he kissed me. He said the moon and stars were almost as beautiful as I was.

I sighed. There was nothing beautiful about me anymore. Maybe my mom was right. Maybe he wasn't real. I didn't know I could get mail. I had never gotten any before. I'm sure if some innocent, smart, young girl killed her police officer father, it would make the news. Surely Edward would have seen the news and tried to find me or heard about the trial. Maybe he didn't want anything to do with a crazy girl in a mental institute. Maybe that's why he had never tried to find me. Or maybe he wasn't real. Maybe I really am crazy.

***Author's Note: Sorry for the delay w/ this update, it's been a hectic few weeks! Thank you all for the reviews! Happy Halloween 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: Allornothingkr gmail (dot) com


	4. Elusive Reality  Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

London, England - 2004

Edward Cullen was too good to be true. We had spent a lot of time together and we had only met a few days ago. Edward showed me around campus on Sunday and took me to brunch. It was so nice. He was so much fun to be around and he always had me laughing.

Monday was the first day of classes and I was taking a pretty heavy course load. I was exhausted by the end of the day and it was dark on campus by the time I started to try to find my way home. I wasn't that great with directions to begin with, but it seemed like every road in London just went in a big circle. I tried for over an hour to find my way before I finally gave up and called Edward. He laughed at me for quite some time before telling me to stay put.

Edward snuck up behind me on campus and nearly gave me a heart attack. I smacked him playfully. "That is not funny! You scared me!" I said seriously. He pulled me down the steps and led me across campus.

It was a beautiful night. Stars sprinkled the night sky and the nearly full moon lit our way. Edward and I were walking close together and out of nowhere he grabbed my hand and held it. It made me gasp involuntarily. I had a hard time believing this perfect beautiful man could be interested in me.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

"It's more than okay." The words came out of my mouth before I even thought about them and I wanted to kick myself for saying something so cheesy. Edward smiled down at me and I realized we had stopped walking. His hand left mine and it cradled my face. I stopped breathing. His lips were dangerously close to my own.

"You're freezing, Bella."

I nodded my head. It was a little chilly and I had been outside for a while by that point. His breath against my lips was the most intoxicating thing. I suddenly felt drunk. He did things to me that I had never felt before. I felt sensations in my stomach that had never been there before. If he didn't kiss me, I would surely pass out at any moment from lack of oxygen.

And then he kissed me. I breathed in his breath. His lips were warm, soft and inviting. The kiss was just supposed to be a small peck, I could tell. Neither one of us pulled away. I had been dying to kiss him, and now that I finally was, I didn't want it to stop.

When Edward finally pulled away, it felt like he took all the oxygen in the atmosphere with him and I stood there dumbfounded.

"Was that okay?" he whispered.

I finally gained my composure. "It was wonderful," I smiled.

He gave me the most beautiful grin as he grabbed my hand again and continued to lead the way. I couldn't help but look up at him and his green eyes sparkling in the moonlight. Maybe that is why I hadn't found my way around campus yet, even though he had shown me. I was always too busy looking at him.

"I'd like to take you to dinner. Have you eaten?"

I shook my head and did and internal happy dance at the opportunity to spend more time with him.

Edward took us to a small little family owned restaurant. It was quiet and cute. Edward and I sat side by side in a little booth in the corner. We drank wine and tasted each other's food.

"Tell me about your life before you came here. I bet your boyfriend was devastated to find out you were leaving."

I nearly choked. I hadn't thought about Jake in a long time. I apologized for nearly spitting my food out.

"Damn, so you do have a boyfriend? That would make my prior behavior entirely inappropriate."

I laughed lightheartedly. "Well, I don't have a boyfriend anymore. And your behavior earlier was welcomed."

Edward raised a brow at me and I grinned. "Please, continue," he encouraged.

"Well, I lived in Phoenix with my parents. My dad, Charlie, is a police officer. He wasn't really happy that I was coming here. In fact, he threatened to disown me. We sort of had a rather large falling out before I left."

"Why, what's the big deal? It's a great opportunity, most dads would be happy for their daughter."

I looked away. "Well, Charlie seemed convinced that I wouldn't come back and he didn't like the idea of his little girl in a big city like this all by herself."

"Oh, I see. Do you ever think about not going back?"

"I don't know. I just got here. But it feels more like home here than Phoenix ever did. I've just always wanted to live in London since I was little. I can't explain it."

"What about your mom?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "She didn't really care, as long as she didn't have to pay for it. I think it affected my dad more because he feels like he's losing both of us."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, well..." I hesitated. I'd never really talked to anyone about this before. "I'm pretty sure my mom is fooling around on my dad. I think he knows too, we just never talk about it. He doesn't want to be alone."

"I'm sorry. That's terrible."

"Yeah, I mean, Renee, my mom, would be happier if she just left. I'm sick of watching her pretend that we are what she wants. But, Charlie, he's still so in love with her. He still thinks she's the most amazing thing in the world and he will be as ignorant as he has to be to keep her around."

"That's sad," Edward said.

"It is. It's really sad. I worry what will happen between them now that I'm gone."

Edward didn't say anything for a minute, as if he didn't know what to say.

"So, what about your boyfriend?" he finally asked.

"He's not my boyfriend anymore."

"Well, what about your ex-boyfriend?" he laughed.

"His name is Jacob. We grew up together and were always best friends and as time went on we grew up, we just naturally became boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Oh, so when or how did he become your ex?"

"When I found out I was coming London. I loved Jake, I still do, but it just didn't always feel right. I always wondered what else was out there. He was always way more into me. He just always seemed like a brother to me. I don't know. It's tough, I guess. He knows me better than anyone, but at the same time I don't feel like he knows me at all. I just thought it would be best for us to take a break while I was gone. I didn't think it was fair to him to wait around on me, although I knew he would. I wanted to find myself here and discover who I was and what I wanted out of life. I just wanted to live and be independent for a change instead of always having him there to rely on."

"You can't even find your way around campus, you might allow yourself to lean on someone every now and then," he teased.

I laughed and nudged him in the side. "Shut up."

Edward continued, "So, was he really upset when you broke up with him?"

"That would be an understatement. He didn't want to at all. He swore up and down he would wait for me, that there was nobody else. He still calls..." I trailed off. I didn't want to talk about Jake. It made me sad. I did care about him, but I needed to be my own person now.

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "No, this is what I want. There's nothing to be sorry about."

"I kind of feel bad for the guy. I imagine anybody that had the opportunity to love you, would never want to stop."

I had my glass nearly raised to my lips when I froze at his words. I looked over at him, expecting to see a sheepish grin, but he was absolutely serious. I didn't know how to respond, and wanted to lighten the mood, so I said, "Are you hitting on me?"

Edward laughed loudly. "Only since the day I laid eyes on you. It's not every day I let some random girl spend the night at my flat."

"Your friends made it sound like a common occurrence," I teased.

Edward pretended to be shocked and we both laughed. We were quiet for a moment as I sipped my wine.

I felt Edward's hand graze mine at our sides. "You're different, Bella."

All the air left my lungs and I wanted to throw myself at him, but I contained myself, smiled genuinely and returned to my glass of wine.

I'm fairly certain it's safe to say that Edward and I had a bit too much to drink that night. After dinner Edward and I returned to my flat and we started to watch a movie but I quickly fell asleep. It had been a long day for me and I didn't realize how exhausted I was, and the wine didn't help.

I woke up some time later to Edward's hand ghosting across my cheek and whispers fell from his lips. "Bella, wake up sweet girl..."

I heard him, but I didn't open my eyes. Hearing him speak to me like that was something I wanted to hear more of. His voice just intoxicated me.

"Bella..." he continued. "Why don't you get up and get ready for bed and I'll tuck you in before I leave."

Damn it. He was leaving. I wanted to sit straight up and beg him not to leave, but instead I groggily sat up and crawled of my bed/couch and went to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed.

I purposely changed into a little pair of shorts and a small spaghetti strap tank top. I padded bare foot across the floor and crawled into my bed. Edward was staring at me, open mouthed.

"What?" I asked.

"You're beautiful."

I smiled. "Are you going to kiss me goodnight, or just stare at me?"

Edward laughed and leaned in to kiss me. His soft lips covered mine and I couldn't help but smile against his lips. He smelled delicious and I was tempted to try to deepen our kiss and convince him to stay, but I knew I shouldn't. I hadn't been with anyone other than Jake, and I didn't want Edward to just be some quick fling, but damn he was good kisser.

He finally pulled away and I pouted. He gave me that crooked sexy grin and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, Bella. I'll see you soon."

"I hope so."

"If your directional challenges are any indication of when I'll see you again, I'll probably see you in the morning."

I laughed and lunged a pillow at him. He caught it and threw it back at me before heading to the door, turning off the light, and seeing himself out.

I laid in bed that night, the moonlight shining in from outside, and couldn't help but replay all of Edward and I's "firsts" that happened that night. I hadn't intended on coming to London and being swept off my feet by the sexiest man alive, but I sure as hell was enjoying every minute of it. I smiled to myself, pulled my covers up over me, smelled his scent on them, and closed my eyes. Coming to London was definitely proving to be a good thing.

***Author's Note: Hi all! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm trying to make the updates more frequent, so hang in there!

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	5. Elusive Reality  Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

One thousand twenty-four, one thousand twenty-five, one thousand twenty-six...

"Swan!"

Lunch was here. I took my tray and sat on my bed. On the menu today was a tuna sandwich, broccoli, and jello pudding. Tuna was always on Mondays...so today was Monday. That's about all I knew. I couldn't remember anything today. They must have increased the dosage of my medication. Today I had to look at my wrist band to even remember my own name, and even then it didn't seem familiar. The "Swan" part seemed familiar, but that's because that is what they call me here. Isabella meant nothing to me.

Today, all I know, is that I like to count because it helps me keep time. I took a bite of my tuna sandwich and wondered why I was here. I didn't know any other place I should be, though. I did know that I got some crayons and paper and that was something new. I was going to explore with them after I ate.

The broccoli still seemed frozen today. It was really hard and cold. The jello was good though. It tasted like it actually had sugar in it instead of that artificial crap. It was watermelon flavor, my favorite!

I ate all my food and slid my tray through the little hole in the door and then I grabbed my crayons and paper. It was so exciting to feel like I actually owned something. The only physical thing in this room that I could move was my toothbrush, and it was made of rubber.

I quickly discovered that I liked to color. My hand moved of its own accord. I didn't really have any conscious knowledge of the picture I was drawing, it just seemed like it drew itself. It wasn't pretty. I don't know why I drew it.

I drew a stick figure, a woman, with a big knife in her heart. There was blood everywhere. Her heart was bleeding. The woman seemed familiar, but today I couldn't remember who she was. But, whoever it was, deserved the knife in her heart. That much I knew for sure. Maybe the woman was me. It certainly felt like I had a knife in my heart most days. I can't remember why today, but it seems like I remember my heart hurting a lot. I felt like I was always on the brink of remembering something huge, something life changing, but I can never quite grasp it.

After I drew about ten disturbing pictures, all including the same stick woman, I took a nap. There wasn't much else to do around here except for sleep. I have strange dreams when I take my medication. I had a dream about that pretty guy again. I know that I am supposed to know him, but I cannot remember him today. In my dream he was laughing and happy, and so was I. I cannot describe the feelings that erupt in me when I see that guy smiling in my dreams. He's so beautiful. I feel safe and warm around him. If it wasn't for wanting to know who he was and if those were really dreams or if they were actually memories, I'd probably never stop taking my medication. I didn't want to remember the hurt I felt with respect to my father, but I desperately wanted to remember the happiness I felt with the copper haired man of my dreams.

I didn't take my medication for the following two nights. I wanted to remember him. Edward. I remembered his name. Unfortunately, that was about all I remembered. That night I dreamt something terrible. I mean, I've dreamt of things much worse, but for some reason this dream stuck with me and it made my heart ache. It made my heart feel like it weighed a hundred pounds on its own. It was so heavy, so difficult to carry the weight around with me. It was hard to breath. What if the dream was true? The look on his face. I'll never forget the look on his face when he gave up, when he concluded that I was never coming back.

I'm there, in the room with him, but he doesn't see me. He doesn't know I'm there. I'm hovering. Watching. Invisible. He looks lost and desperate and horribly depressed. He's in my flat. He came through the door and sighed. He looked around aimlessly before closing the door behind him. He watered my little potted plant near the window. He swept the hardwood floors. He opened the curtains to let the morning sun in. He laid down on my unmade bed. He caressed the sheets and closed his eyes as he inhaled a deep breath. "Bella," he whispered my name, "I miss you." He tossed and turned on my bed, eyes closing and opening, memories flooding his mind, the pain evident on his face.

Day turned to night. He stayed. Night turned day. More watering, sweeping, cleaning, caring, smelling, tossing and turning. Day turned night. Nightmares. He had nightmares. Night turned to day. More watering, sweeping, cleaning, caring, smelling, tossing and turning. Day turned to night. Night turned to day. Day turned to night. Night turned to day.

Emmett arrived. "Edward, you have to quit to this. You have to get out of here. She's not coming back."

Edward didn't want to believe him. He continued with his routine.

Emmett pulled the broom from Edward's hands. "Dude! Quit! You can't continue on like this. We're leaving. She's not here. She's not coming back." Emmett put his hand on Edward's shoulder apologetically. "You only knew her six months man, maybe she wasn't who you thought she was..."

I screamed from my invisible silent location. Nothing audible left my lips. I couldn't hear myself. They couldn't hear me. I wanted to scream that I was there, that I wanted to come back, that I was who he thought I was. They couldn't hear me.

Edward's shoulders fell. "You're right. I'm sorry." His eyes looked down, and then around the room. He looked deflated. Hurt. Done. They both turned and left. The door slammed.

It slammed so loud it woke me from my sleep. I replayed the dream in my mind over and over that day. I hated it. I think Edward was real. I think he loved me. I think I left London and never returned, without a word. I think I broke his heart. He's never going to come find me.

I cried the remainder of the day. I felt helpless and trapped. I tried to only focus on Edward so I wouldn't think about my dad. I decided then that I needed to do something to help myself. I couldn't wait for someone to rescue me. That night, I started writing things down that I remembered, whether I thought they were real or not. I just needed something to look back to when I was confused. I needed to start putting pieces together.

I used my crayons and paper to keep up with my memories or imagination, however you wanted to look at it. I kept the log inside my pillow case. At least I'd have something to refer to, something concrete when I knew my mind was in the right place.

***Author's Note:

Sorry for the delay in getting this posted...I have a new fur baby and he's keeping me awfully busy! Thanks for reading and reviewing...the next several chapters take place in London, this is the last we see of Bella for a little while.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

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	6. Elusive Reality  Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

London, England - 2004

Edward and I had seen each other every day since the day we met two weeks ago. Being around him was like getting high. Not that I was familiar with that, but I imagined it would be a similar experience. I had to have my daily Edward fix. I was starting to think it was becoming unhealthy, so I challenged myself not to speak to him for an entire day. I was getting used to campus and didn't need his help as much.

I had a long day on campus and an even longer evening in the library studying. I have to admit I was a little disappointed to retrieve my cell phone from my bag and see that he hadn't called or messaged me.

I had to refrain from calling him on my way back home, that was generally our routine. It's funny how something can become routine in such a short amount of time.

I entered my building and headed to my flat. I stepped on it before I noticed it. A single pink rose at the foot of my door with a small card attached. I grinned wildly, knowing it had to be from him. I picked up the rose, thankfully having only stepped on the stem of it, and smelled it. I opened the little card after I went inside.

Bella,

I'm sorry I missed you. I had to go out of town with my father on business. I'll be back Thursday evening. Please reserve Friday night for me. I'll need my fix of you when I return. I'll call you soon.

Edward

I smiled and then cursed myself for staying late at the library. He had been here and I missed him. Now I wasn't going to see him for two more days. Damn me. I sighed and placed the perfect pink rose in a cup of water. I didn't have a vase. I placed it on the end table/night stand next to my bed. It was pretty. It made my flat a little brighter.

The following evening I went out to a pub with one of my classmates. Her name was Angela. She was really nice. We studied together and we both felt like we aced our exam so we went out for drinks to celebrate. Angela was going on about our professor while I was trying to pay attention to my text message conversation with Edward.

"Bella, are you even listening to me? Who is blowing up your phone?"

I laughed. "Yes, I'm sorry. I'm listening. I promise."

"Are you talking to a guy?" Angela teased.

"Yes," I replied.

"I didn't know you were seeing somebody! You've only been here a few weeks! Who is it? What's his name?"

"His name is Edward," I said, as I was looking at my phone, distracted by typing a response to him.

"Edward?" she asked. "Not Edward Cullen, right?"

I looked up from my phone. "Uh, yes, actually. Why? Do you know him?" I internally prayed that he hadn't slept with Angela.

"Do I know him? Doesn't everyone? He's only the biggest player in London. It was even worse when he was still at UW. Girls were all over him and he loved it. He's never been a one woman kind of guy. Don't you know? His dad is one of the wealthiest men in London. He has practically funded the International Business program and his company hosts the internships every year. Cullen Enterprises, you know?"

I just stared at her, slightly speechless, for a moment. "No, I didn't know. I mean, I assumed he probably did okay, based on where he is living and some of the things he's said, but I didn't know he was that wealthy, or that promiscuous."

Angela laughed. "Are you kidding? I heard he's like a sex God. How is it? Seriously, give me details!"

I couldn't wrap my head around what she was saying. I mean, sure, Edward has probably been around the block a few times. I suspected as much just from listening to his friends, but what I couldn't understand is the fact that Edward hadn't even attempted to get me in bed. I wonder if he didn't want me that way. Maybe he wasn't attracted to me? I was so confused.

"Come on, Bella, spill!" Angela continued.

I stuttered for a minute, searching for words. "We haven't..."

"What? Yes you have! Don't be shy!"

I shook my head. "No, we haven't. Not at all. I mean, we've only kissed."

Angela looked shocked. "What? How long have you been seeing him?"

"Just a couple of weeks."

"That is so weird. Normally he would've already made you scream and left you."

"Is that what he does?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "That's what he did to Jessica and Lauren, and everyone else from the sounds of it."

"Hm. Well, I don't know. I mean, we're just dating, I think. I mean, it's nothing serious you know? We're just having fun. He's shown me around town and stuff, you know?"

Angela nodded. "Well, hey, you better play your cards right. He has serious pull at Cullen Enterprises. He could get you an amazing job at his father's firm."

I nodded my head and changed the subject. I stopped responding to Edward's text messages. I needed to clear my head.

Six beers later I was stumbling into my dark apartment. I flipped on the light and fell onto my bed. I didn't want to feel sad, but I did. I didn't understand what was going on between Edward and I. If he was such a ladies man, why hadn't he tried to seduce me? Lord knows I'd drop my panties for him in a heartbeat. Maybe he didn't think I was attractive.

I sighed when I heard my phone beep for the tenth time.

Why aren't you responding to me? Are you okay? - Edward

Because I'm confused. I don't know what you want with me. I learned more about you tonight, from a classmate. - Bella

Before I had even set my phone down, it was ringing. It was Edward. I didn't know if I even wanted to talk to him, but I had a lot of liquid courage and I figured it was better now than never.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella, what are you talking about? Who have you been talking to?"

"Just a girl from class. I mean, come on Edward, I know you're not perfect. Just, please, just don't play with me."

Edward sighed. He cursed under his breath. "I'm not fucking playing with you, Bella! Are you kidding me?" he scoffed. "I've been nothing but gentlemanly to you."

"I know, but apparently that isn't your norm, and you haven't even tried to touch me. So, I'm just confused. They all say all you want is sex, but you don't seem to want that from me. Are you not attracted to me?"

"Are you kidding me? Are you even listening to yourself? How much have you had to drink?"

"How much I have had to drink is not relevant."

Edward sighed. "Can we just talk about this when I get back? So I can actually see you when I speak to you?"

"No, we can't."

He sighed, a dejected sigh. "Bella, please."

"We can talk about it now. I can't function when you're looking at me."

He tried to hide his laugh.

"See, you know. You have me right where you want me."

"Bella, stop. I'm not playing you. I'm not using you. I'm not playing mind games with you."

"Then what are you doing?" I asked softly.

"I don't know, Bella," he said it so quietly I almost didn't hear him. I felt tears sting my eyes. How could I like this boy so much in such a short amount of time?

He continued, "I just, I love being with you and of course I'm fucking attracted to you. Are you crazy? I have to constantly tell myself not to ravage you when you're around. I admit, I've not been the best guy in the past, but you're different. That's why I haven't touched you, as you say, because you're different. Because you're not one of them. You're a lady. You're not a whore or a slut or a one night stand, you're so much more. I'm not worthy of you, Bella. I guess I've just been trying to convince myself that I was good enough, that a girl like you would want someone like me."

I didn't know what to say. I suddenly felt very sober. I mean, what do you say to that? "I...I don't know what to say," I whispered.

"I understand if you don't want to see me again."

"I do, though. I don't know if I should, but I do."

I could tell he was smiling. "I bet you look so fucking cute right now."

I laughed. "Probably not."

"Well listen, I've been completely honest with you tonight. I still want to take you out on Friday. I'm not playing any games with you. Will you agree to see me on Friday, please?"

"Yes."

"Good. Well, I need to get some sleep, I have to get up soon. I'll see you on Friday, okay?"

"Okay. I'm sorry I kept you up."

"Don't apologize. Goodnight, Bella."

"Night, Edward."

After I hung up I rolled over and grinned wildly at the pink rose in the glass of water next to my bed. He likes me. And he thinks I'm cute.

***Author's Note: Hi! Sooooo sorry it took me forever to update. I'm swamped with work and w/ my fur babies. I'll try to do better. Thanks for reading/reviewing. More to come soon. Promise.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

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	7. Elusive Reality  Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

London, England - 2004

On Friday, while I was still in class, Edward sent me a strange text message.

Do you own a dress? - Edward

Did I own a dress? Was he serious? I'm a freaking girl, of course I've owned a dress at some point in my life, however now was not the time. He must be able to tell that I'm not a dressy kind of girl, but that doesn't mean I can't pull it off. I've had to wear dresses and suits to various events and conferences in my college career, especially during presentations. However, I didn't really bring anything dressy to London with me.

Um, I can. Why? - Bella

Wear one tonight, if it isn't too much trouble. I slipped an envelope under the door of your flat. The dress is on me. I'll pick you up at 5:00 p.m. I can't wait to see you. - Edward

What are we doing? I can buy my own dress. - Bella

It's a surprise. Stop being difficult. I'm buying. - Edward

I really didn't want him to think I needed his money, or that I was some charity case. I wasn't. I was doing perfectly fine, better than fine, really. I didn't want to argue with him and ruin our night. I'd pay him back somehow, later.

Fine. You win. Only because I miss you and don't want to argue. However, I'd still like you even if you were the poorest man on Earth. ;) - Bella

You make me feel rich, not the money. See you at 5:00 p.m. - Edward

I couldn't hide the stupid grin on my face and I was momentarily embarrassed by my professor because he asked me a question I hadn't heard.

Shopping for a dress was an adventure. I hadn't been shopping before in London. Angela told me about a few local stores I might like and I made it to the first place and found a dress that would work. I wasn't picky and didn't feel the need to go all over town looking for a dress. I wasn't sure how dressy I was supposed to be so I just stuck with something simple and black, but sexy. I wanted him to like the dress, after all he paid for it.

It was satin, short and strapless with a sweetheart neckline. It hugged my slight curves nicely and really made my rear look lovely. I found some black satin heels that matched. I paid for those.

I got lost on the way home and ended up taking a cab back to my flat. By the time I arrived, I was running late. I hung my dress up and placed Edward's credit card and my receipt for the dress back in the little white envelope that he slipped under my door.

I showered for the second time that day and made sure every inch of me was silky smooth, just in case I got lucky. I twisted my hair up to expose my back and shoulders and left a few loose tendrils down in the front. I put a little more make up on that I normally did, adding a nice peachy gloss to my lips. I pulled out a diamond necklace my father bought me for my 16th birthday and slipped it around my neck. It was the perfect little accessory. I missed my dad. I made a mental note to call him the following day.

Edward arrived promptly on time. He looked amazing. I had never seen him outside of his casual and somewhat grungy attire. This was the first time he actually looked like he had money. His dress pants were black, paired with a royal blue dress shirt and a sport coat that hung open.

"Good evening," he said.

"Hi." I smiled shyly.

"You look beautiful," he said softly as his arms wrapped around me and embraced me for a hug. I took a deep breath and breathed him in. He smelled so good. I inhaled his scent all the way to my core. I couldn't express how badly I wanted this man to touch me.

His lips pressed softly into the crook of my neck. "I missed you."

A small smile swept across my face as he nuzzled me. Screw whatever he had planned, I wanted him in my bed right now.

I sighed and tried to focus. I gently pushed him away and grabbed my handbag from the counter. "We better go," I offered.

Edward had completely outdone himself. I felt like a princess in some sort of fairy tale movie. Edward took me to the London Eye first. We had a private capsule and shared a bottle of wine while we watched the sun set over London. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I had never seen London from that perspective. It was extremely romantic and Edward was ever the gentleman.

I stood, watching the last sliver of light disappear over the horizon as Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His chin rested on my shoulder. His voice was soft.

"I've never done anything like this for a girl before."

I turned to look at him. "What does that mean?"

I inhaled a sharp breath as his lips moved closer to mine.

"It means that I really fucking like you."

His fingers swept along my collar bone and up to caress my cheek as his lips met mine. I got lost every time we kissed. I never wanted to let go. He felt so good.

We eventually separated and made our way to dinner at a lovely restaurant nearby that overlooked the city. We shared everything on our plates and another bottle of wine.

By the time we made it back across town to my flat, I was fairly tipsy and a lot horny. If Edward didn't give me what I wanted tonight, I would surely combust.

I opened my door and expected him to follow me inside. When he didn't, I turned around. "Aren't you coming in?" I asked.

"I should go home."

"Why?"

"So you know that I am serious about you, and that I didn't do all of this to take advantage of you at the end of the night. I did it because I like you, and I like seeing you smile."

"You'd really make me smile if you came in a for a few minutes. Please?" I asked.

He sighed and gave in, following me inside.

He sat on my bed while I fetched us a each a glass of wine from the tiny kitchen area.

I sat down beside him. We sipped our wine. I didn't know what to do next. I'd never really seduced a guy before.

"You look really handsome tonight," I semi-teased. We both laughed. I sat my wine glass down and said to hell with it. I crawled over him and straddled his lap. He looked shocked.

"Bella..." he warned.

"Edward, please. This night would be perfect if..." I trailed off. I began placing feather light kisses along his jaw and down his neck. His intoxicating aroma became stronger and nearly made me whimper.

"But I want you to know that you're different. No matter what you hear about what I've done in the past, it's different with you."

I pulled back and looked at him. "I know. I know you mean it. You showed me tonight."

My lips pressed to his and the power struggle began. The push and pull of lips and tongues, the soft bites and sounds of pleasure in between breaths.

"You have no idea how badly I want you," he said into my mouth.

"I think I do," I responded as I pushed myself down onto him, feeling the full length of his erection through his pants.

He groaned and pushed me off his lap. I was standing before him, slightly confused. "Turn around," he ordered.

Oh.

Edward carefully unzipped my dress and watched as it fell to the floor. He took my hand and helped me step out of the small pile of fabric on the floor. It was a rare feeling, but I felt beautiful before him in my satin heels, black lace panties and strapless bra, with my diamond necklace dancing across my neckline.

"So beautiful..." he mumbled as his lips pressed to my stomach. His hands roamed down my sides, over my hips, and up and down my thighs.

He turned me around and laid me gently on the bed. He partially undressed himself as I watched. His pants were discarded on the floor. He began to unbutton his shirt as he crawled back onto the bed.

I sat up on my knees. "I want to do that part."

He smiled and dropped his hands. We were both sitting up on our knees in the center of my bed as I carefully and slowly unbuttoned each button on his shirt until I let it slide off his shoulders. He had a black t-shirt on underneath and I quickly pulled it over his head. I ran my hands up along his chest and across his shoulders.

"You're so warm," I said, as I melted into his embrace. My hand wound around his neck and my fingers got lost in his mess of hair.

His hands fell to my lower back as he gently laid us back down against the bed. I wanted to ravish him, but he was being so gentle with me, like he was afraid I was going to break. He peppered soft kisses all over me, my face, neck, chest, tummy and between my thighs. I was absolutely melting and wild with desire. Jake was good to me, but he never made me feel like Edward did.

I pushed Edward up and over onto his back. I straddled him and returned all the little kisses he had given me, but with a little more need.

Our lips met in a heated kiss.

"I want you so bad," he said into my mouth.

I inhaled. "Take me, Edward. I'm yours."

He smiled his beautiful smile before capturing my lips between his once more and showing me everything I never knew existed.

Eyes that smolder, lips that bite, hair that gets pulled, fingers that dig and nails that bend. No matter what we did, it wasn't enough. I just couldn't get him close enough to me. Even when he was inside me, I wanted him closer.

He felt amazing. His skin was soft, his arms were strong, his kisses were sweet, and his skills were off the charts. I felt inadequate compared to him. He made me come so many times I lost track.

When I finally climbed on top of him and made him climax, I felt relieved, and exhausted. I was concerned briefly that I had just had unprotected sex with a sex god. I was on the pill, I wasn't worried about that, but I knew Edward was an experienced man. I fell asleep on his chest before I could ask him about it.

I woke a couple of hours later. I was warm, and in strong arms. I had never been so comfortable. My eyes fluttered open to see his staring back at me in the dark. He brushed a tendril of my hair out of my face as he leaned in to kiss me, and we started all over again.

We spent more time that night satisfying each other's desires than we did sleeping. It was perfect, and a night that I will never soon forget.

***Author's Note: Thanks for reading/reviewing! Trying to get back into the swing of weekly updates! We have a few more "London" chapters before we return to present day, not so sane, Bella. Enjoy. 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	8. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7 

London, England - 2004

The following day we slept until the early afternoon. It was raining loudly outside. My flat was warm. Edward was warm. He was smiling at me when I opened my eyes. He took my breath away.

Before he kissed me, I slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom to shower. I didn't realize how sore I was until I walked. It was a feeling I wasn't used to, but I like it.

I showered and dressed before returning to the main living area. Edward wasn't in bed where I left him. It only took me a moment to glance around my tiny flat to see that he wasn't there at all. My heart immediately sank. He left. Oh God.

Just as I began to feel sick to my stomach, he came through the door, soaking wet. He held up a cardboard holder with two cups of coffee and pulled a bag of bagels out from under his arm. "There was a line," he said, as he shook the rain from his hair. He was laughing.

I took a breath for the first time in nearly a minute. I think he saw the relief on my face.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing." I smiled, trying to convince him.

"Oh. Oh no. You thought I left."

I shook my head, trying to brush it off.

Edward set our breakfast down and took his coat off. "I should've left you a note or something, I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting it to be so busy. I thought I'd be back before you got out of the shower..." he continued rambling.

"Edward, it's no big deal. Really, I'm fine."

His eyes met mine. His expression turned serious. "I saw the look on your face. I'm not going to do that to you, Bella."

"I know, Edward. I'm sorry."

We talked over breakfast and I stupidly brought up the fact that we probably shouldn't have unprotected sex again until he got tested, just for my own peace of mind.

Edward laughed at me. I felt my face heat up with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't mean to laugh."

"Why is that so funny?" I asked.

"Because, it's a little late now, don't you think? I mean, if I had anything, I'm pretty sure after last night, it would be all up in you."

That made me laugh. "Shut up. I wouldn't normally do that. I mean, I shouldn't have. I should've thought about it first, but I've never had to worry about it before, it was just Jake and I."

"Well, I'm clean. Just so you know. You don't have anything to worry about. I don't normally have unprotected sex either."

I raised a brow at him. I didn't believe him.

"I'm serious," he continued. "Occasionally, with regulars, but not often."

My eyes got wide. "Regulars?"

Edward laughed. "Well, not regulars anymore."

I tried to laugh, but it honestly made me nervous.

"Bella," Edward said seriously, "I told you, you're the only one I'm with right now. You're the only one I want. Besides, I was tested recently. I'm clean."

"Why did you get tested? I mean, did you have a symptom or something? Did you think something was wrong?"

Edward laughed at me again. "Yeah, Bella, I grew a third a nut and thought I should get it checked out."

I launched part of my bagel at him. He continued to laugh and I did too, but I really wanted to know. Who just randomly goes and gets tested for STDs unless they have a reason to?

"I'm serious!" I said.

"I know, I know. Really, to be honest, I just did it last week. For you."

I was confused. "Huh? For me?"

Edward nodded his head and looked down shyly. "I mean, I figured we were headed in that direction. I just wanted to be sure. I won't lie, I've been around the block. I didn't want to risk anything with you." He looked up at me. "You're too perfect. I just wanted to make sure I didn't have any slut funk."

I thought it was endearing what he said, what he did, but when he said slut funk in that cute fucking accent, I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my sip of coffee.

Edward laughed too.

Two weeks later, after practically being inseparable, Edward convinced me that I had to meet his parents. I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

"Isn't it too soon?" I asked.

"Too soon for what?" Edward responded from his kitchen.

"I mean, I don't know. We've only been seeing each other for a couple of months. Not to mention, your dad is practically famous."

Edward laughed. "Are you nervous about meeting my father?"

Although he couldn't see me in the living room, I shrugged my shoulders.

"Bella, he's seriously the nicest, most humble, guy you'll ever meet. They're driving me mad about meeting you."

He came around the corner and joined me on the couch, handing me a soda. He was helping me study for an exam. Edward was incredibly smart, and kept that fact hidden very well.

"You've told them about me?" I asked.

Edward scoffed. "Of course I have. I can't seem to get you off my mind lately."

I turned my head towards him and raised an eyebrow in question. He grinned his perfect fucking smile. Seeing him smile always has the same effect on me. I feel like I cannot breathe, and like the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

He nudged me. "Come on, Bella, you know I like you."

I smiled. "I know you do. I like you too. I guess I'm just nervous."

"Don't be. My parents are amazing. My sister is a bitch, but she's out of town, so that's a bonus!"

I giggled. The thought of meeting his parents really scared the shit out of me. It felt too soon, it felt like it made us go from casual to serious in a heartbeat. But Edward was serious. Serious is what I wanted. I couldn't share him.

Edward's hand covering my knee knocked me from my thoughts. "Hey, are you alright? I mean, you don't have to meet them if you don't want to. It's just...they've never known me to have a girlfriend, so they're curious."

I swallowed and looked up at him cautiously. "They've never met your girlfriends before?"

"Bella, I've never had a real girlfriend before."

I couldn't, for the life of me, understand what he saw in me. Why me? How did I get so fucking lucky?

I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding. "What if they don't like me? What if I'm not good enough? I mean, I'm just a middle class American girl."

"Don't be silly, Bella. Please?"

I sighed.

"Please. My mother would be so proud of me."

"Proud?" I asked.

"Yes, that I'd bring home such an intelligent and beautiful young woman."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, Edward. You're so dramatic."

Edward laughed. "I am not being dramatic! God, I wished you saw yourself the way I did."

"I'm sorry. I'll meet them," I agreed.

Edward grinned and jumped right off the couch to go call his mother. He was the cutest fucking thing I'd ever seen. It made me nervous to meet his parents because, what happens after that? I'm only here nine more months. I was already so unhealthily attached to Edward. I didn't understand how he couldn't see all the problems lying ahead for us. We never talked about it. We just dove in, head first.

The following weekend, Edward picked me up promptly at 5:00 p.m. We were having dinner at his parents' place at 6:30 p.m. I was a nervous wreck. I didn't know what to wear, and went back and forth for a long time before I decided to just go out and go shopping. I didn't want to be too dressed up, but I didn't want to be in my usual jeans and t-shirt. I settled on a nice oyster colored lace pencil skirt that hit just above the knee. I paired it with a white blouse and ballet flats. It was nice, yet slightly casual.

I wore my hair down and curled it to the best of my ability. I even put on a bit more make up than usual. I looked like a lady. I think that is what I was going for.

"You look fine. If you don't hurry up we will be late."

"I'm coming!" I yelled from the bathroom. I applied a final coat of clear lip gloss and headed out.

We took Edward's nice shiny volvo across town to the Cadogan Square area of London. His parents lived in a very nice area and had an extremely large flat. I was in awe of my surroundings as Edward led us up the lift and into a beautiful reception area. I could hear footsteps approaching.

"Edward! Darling is that you?" A petite dark haired woman came around the corner with a warm smile on her face. She immediately pulled Edward into a hug and kissed his cheek. "You look so good, honey. I never see you anymore."

Edward gently pulled her from him and looked at me. "Bella, this is my mother, Esme. Mum, this is Bella."

Her smile widened as she looked me up and down. She suddenly embraced me and I didn't know what to do with my hands, so they just hung awkwardly at my sides.

"It's so lovely to meet you, darling. I've heard so much about you."

"Oh, thank you. It's nice to meet you too."

Edward's mother hurried us through their large flat and into the kitchen where Edward's father was. Everything in their home was white and clean and immaculate.

"You must be Bella!" A tall sandy blonde haired man turned to me. I knew his face already. I had googled him. Carlisle Cullen. CEO and President of Cullen Enterprises.

I was momentarily speechless. "Yes sir, it's very nice to meet you."

"Call me Carlisle," he said as he extended a hand. I shook it firmly before Esme whisked me away for the grand tour as Edward called it.

Dinner was later served in the most beautiful dining room I had ever seen. The walls were ivory and all the accessories were some similar shade. The dining room table was dark mahogany with large leather wing back chairs. The table was much larger than all of us, but we all sat at one end. Carlisle was at the head of the table with Esme on his left and Edward and I on his right. They served veal parmesan that was to die for.

Although the Cullens were wealthy beyond imagination, they were surprisingly very down to Earth and funny. Esme showed me pictures of Edward as a child and I couldn't help but laugh. He wasn't always sex on legs. He definitely had his awkward moments growing up, but he was a very cute little baby. I saw photos of his sister as well. She was stunning, and had been since the day she exited the womb. She was in law school. I wondered why Edward said she was a bitch. I mean, she did look like one, but still. Her name was Rosalie. Based on the photos, I think she was slightly younger than Edward. They had both gone to prestigious private schools growing up. All of this was foreign to me. I felt uncomfortable when they asked about my childhood. I explained that my father was a cop and my mother was a nurse. The Cullens seemed to think those were very admirable professions.

Esme and Carlisle were a joy to watch. You could tell they were still very much in love. They were constantly touching and looking at each other. It was so unusual to me, as I never witnessed such affections from my parents.

As the night wound down, Esme and Carlisle were cleaning up in the kitchen. Edward had been reading on the couch, but had since fallen asleep. I kneeled down next to him and brushed my fingers through his hair. "Time to wake up, Edward. You have to drive us home."

Edward's lips parted into a grin and he pulled me from the floor, into his lap. He kissed me softly at first, but it quickly turned into a heated kiss, before I finally pulled away and shoved at him. "Not here," I warned.

Edward laughed and kissed my cheek. "They like you."

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

I nudged him playfully and found my lips against his again. A moment later I heard his father clear his throat from the entry of the large room.

I immediately felt my cheeks heat up as I turned around to see his mother and father standing behind us. I immediately removed myself from Edward's lap and apologized as I straightened my skirt.

Esme and Carlisle both laughed. "No need to apologize, dear. We were just going to see if either of you cared for dessert. Esme made a wonderful pecan pie."

Edward was off the couch in a split second. I swear his stomach was a never ending black hole. I was stuffed, but stole a bite of Edward's pie, foregoing a piece of my own. Esme was quite the cook. After dessert, Edward and I decided we needed to head back.

Esme was hugging me again. She was such a warm person. She smelled good too, like a mother. "It was so lovely to meet you, darling. I can already tell that you are good for Edward. Don't let him run you off."

"Mum!" Edward scoffed.

I laughed. "It was nice to meet you, too."

"You'll have to come back and see us very soon," Carlisle added.

I nodded my head.

"You're welcome anytime," Esme concluded.

Edward and I drove back across town mostly in silence. I think he attempted to speak to me a few times, but I was lost in my thoughts.

We arrived back at my flat and Edward came in with me. I immediately went to change into my pajamas and then returned to the living area to see him standing by the door.

"Are you not staying?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Do you want me to?" he asked uncertainly.

"Of course, I do," I answered, closing the space between us.

"You were just so quiet on the way here. What were you thinking about?" he asked softly as he played with my hair.

I looked down and away from him. Tears betrayed me and I tried to hide them. I didn't know what my problem was. Edward placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head. Our eyes met.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I wiped at my eyes quickly and shook my head. "It's nothing, really."

Edward just looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Your family, they're just so perfect and warm, and inviting. They're everything my family isn't."

Edward pulled me into a hug and rubbed little circles on my back. "Bella, they can be your family, too."

I smiled, and squeezed him tighter. Contentment was my only conscious thought.

***Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing! More to come soon. 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	9. Elusive Reality  Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

London, England - 2004

Edward and I were inseparable. As the weeks went on, I found it more and more difficult to be away from him. We spent nearly every night together. Lately he had been working full time for his father and there was nothing I enjoyed more than watching him get ready and all dressed up in a suit. He was so handsome. I watched him every morning, usually from his bed. This morning was no exception.

I was completely naked beneath the sheet that covered me. Edward walked softly around his room, putting his watch on, looking for his shoes. He was always so careful not to wake me, although he knew I was watching him.

When he was completely ready, he finally turned to look at me. I was smiling back at him. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Do you have any idea how fucking beautiful you are?" he asked quietly.

I grinned and shook my head before sitting up and wrapping my arms around his neck as he kissed me.

He sighed heavily when we parted. "I wish I could stay here all day with you."

"I wish you could, too."

Edward kissed my forehead and his hand lingered in mine momentarily before he got up. "I may be late tonight. I have a late conference call."

"Okay. Have a good day, Edward."

He smiled and blew me a kiss before he disappeared. When I heard his front door close, I got up and into his shower. I loved showering behind him. It smelled just like him and the bathroom was already warm.

When I turned the water off some time later, I was surprised to hear the bathroom door opening. I heard a female voice, "Hey, handsome, I was hoping you weren't finished yet." The shower curtain pulled open and I shrieked loudly. I grabbed the towel that hung nearby and clutched it to my chest. The curly redhead and I stared blankly at each other.

"Who the hell are you?" she yelled.

"Who are you!" I yelled back. My heart was racing. Edward was a dead man. I had woken up and showered here on countless mornings and never had I encountered this. The red haired vixen was dressed professionally, but somewhat provocatively. She was fuming.

"Where is Edward?" she asked, hands on hips.

"He's at work. Will you move so I can get out of here?" I asked.

She stepped back. I wrapped the towel around myself and stepped out of the shower. "How did you get in here?" I asked. Edward always locks the door behind him.

"I have a key," she snarled.

I nearly choked. I didn't have a key. "So, who are you, to him?" I asked tentatively.

"I'm just an old friend."

"With a key to his flat?"

She nodded her head. "Why are you here if he isn't here? Are you his bitch from last night? Did he let you stay and shower? That's nice of him."

I wanted to punch her. Hard.

"I'm his girlfriend."

She burst into laughter. "Edward doesn't do girlfriends, sweetheart."

I had had enough. "Really? Because he's done me on that bed every single night for the past four months!" I said as I pointed towards Edward's room. "Give me that key and get the hell out of here!" I started pushing on her shoulders.

"Four months?" She started pushing back. "I'm not giving you anything!" She lunged at me and that was it.

It was an all out girl fight, complete with hair pulling. I was no match for her and I was completely naked and fairly banged up when Edward and his friend/neighbor, Jasper, came running through the front door a few minutes later.

"What the fuck?" Edward demanded.

"Told ya so," added Jasper.

The redhead and I were still going at each other on the floor, when finally, Edward pulled her off of me. "What the hell is going on?" Edward asked.

I was beyond furious. I couldn't see straight. "I'll tell you what the hell is going on, Edward!" I screamed. "This bitch tried to crawl in the shower with you this morning, except she found me!"

Edward's eyes grew large. "What? Victoria, how did you get in here?"

Victoria started to stutter.

"She has a key!"

"What?" Edward asked as he looked at Victoria. "A key? How do you have a key to my flat?" He turned to me. "Bella, please, we have guests," he said softly as he handed me my towel. I completely forgot. Every inch of me turned bright red. I was so embarrassed. Tears filled my eyes and I turned around and went into Edward's room, slamming the door behind me. I could still hear them talking.

"Victoria, what the hell? You can't just come in here whenever the hell you feel like it. Give me that key and tell my sister to fuck off."

"I just thought, you know, for old times sake..."

"Well, you thought wrong. We never were, and even if we were, we are not anymore. Don't call me. Don't show up at my flat and don't lay a finger on my girlfriend."

"I cannot believe she's really your girlfriend. You need variety, Edward. She's not even that attractive."

Tears poured over my cheeks and my nose ran.

"I find her very attractive. Now, GET OUT!"

I could hear Victoria stomping out of the flat. I didn't even want to deal with Edward right now. I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

"Thanks for calling me, Jasper. Sorry for the disturbance. I owe you."

"No problem, man. Glad I could help." The main door closed. It was quiet, except for Edward's footsteps coming closer.

I was still on the floor, but I scooted a little farther away from his door so it wouldn't hit me when he opened it, which he did a moment later.

"Bella..."

I shook my head. "Just leave me alone, please."

"Bella, I can't. Baby, I'm so incredibly sorry. I had no idea. My sister must have given her a key. I told you she was a bitch."

I pulled my legs into my chest. I wrapped my arms around my knees, buried my head, and continued to cry. I felt Edward's arms around me before I heard him move. He was rocking me back and forth.

"Bella, I really had no idea. Please, believe me. You know I would never...I mean, I spend every waking moment with you. I wouldn't even have had time to see her."

My head shot up. "Ugh, Edward! I get it. I know you didn't cheat on me." I wiped at the tears flooding down my cheeks. "I'm crying because it hurts and I'm terribly embarrassed. Your friend just saw me completely naked, as did your ex-bitch and she said I wasn't attractive!"

Edward laughed momentarily before I shot him a warning glance. "It's not funny."

He tried to hide his laughter. "I'm sorry, Bella. Why would you care what she thinks? Of course she's going to say that. She just learned that you could keep me, and she couldn't. I think it's obvious that I'm attracted to you. You're beautiful, even with tear stained cheeks and a snotty nose."

I laughed for just a second before I wiped my face with the towel.

Edward moved a strand of my still wet hair behind my ear. "Tell me what hurts," he said softly.

I relaxed a little. His touch felt so good. "Everything."

"Well, if you can't be more specific, I'll have to do a full body inspection to make sure you're okay," he teased, as he pulled at my towel.

"My right elbow and wrist. Both of my knees, and my head."

Edward took my right arm. I yelped in pain. My wrist really hurt. "Does that hurt?" he asked.

"Obviously."

"Sorry." He continued up my from my wrist, to my elbow. "You have a little cut here," he said. He opened my towel to examine my knees. "And some scrapes and bruises on your knees. Where does your head hurt?"

"Everywhere. I think it's just from all the hair pulling."

Edward tried not to laugh before he started touching my wrist again and I tried not to grimace. "Can you move it?"

I shook my head.

Edward sighed. "I think you might want to get it checked out."

I pouted.

Edward helped me up. "Come on, I'll get some ice to put on it and I'll dry your hair for you."

I smiled. He was going to dry my hair. I think I loved him.

I sat on the edge of his bed, dressed in a t-shirt and sweat pants while Edward dried my hair. He massaged my scalp while he did so and it felt amazing. It almost made me forget about the shooting pain in my wrist. He brushed my hair out when he was finished. He was gentle and careful not to pull.

"I need to make a few calls. I'll be right back." Edward disappeared into his office.

He returned a few minutes later. "Okay, I'm all yours until 3:00 p.m. Let's get you to the doctor."

I cried the entire way home. I sat in the car and cried while Edward stopped at a hardware store. I cried when he tried to buy me breakfast. I cried when he helped me out of the car and into my flat.

I had a fractured bone in my wrist. I had to wear a cast for four weeks. It was my right wrist. I needed that wrist. I needed to be able to type and write and carry my books.

I threw myself on my bed. I felt Edward sit down on the bed next to me. He started stroking my hair. "I'm really sorry, Bella."

"It's not your fault, you didn't know. I can't help it that I'm a fragile wimp."

Edward laughed. "You're not a wimp. You're strong and brave, and I love that you fought for me and believed me."

I sighed and rolled over to face him. "You better get to work. I've ruined enough of both of our days."

"I'm going by my place first to change the locks. Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"I'm okay. I'm just going to rest." I yawned.

"Okay." He kissed my cheek. "Sweet dreams. I'll come by as soon as I get finished with work."

I nodded my head before drifting off to sleep.

My mom had called later that night just before Edward had arrived. I was still speaking to her when he knocked on my door. I let him in, and motioned for him to sit down.

"Mom, I know, but Thanksgiving is not a holiday in London. I have class. I can't come home."

"I don't care if Jake wants to see me. We are not together anymore, Mom."

I rolled my eyes and looked at Edward, while my mother continued. "Are you hungry?" I asked quietly, ignoring my mother.

Edward nodded his head. I went to the kitchenette and began to heat up some left overs from the take out I had gotten earlier.

I sighed. "Okay, Mom. I promise I'll come home for Christmas. I just can't make it for Thanksgiving. I've got too much going on. Listen, I've got to go, I have a friend over. Tell Dad I miss him. Love you." I hung up before she had a chance to respond.

"So, your ex wants to see you?" Edward asked.

"He always does, it's not a big deal. His dad and my dad are best friends. My dad insists on me marrying him."

Edward's eyes got large. "Oh great, so your father will never like me."

I laughed. "He'll get over it. Eventually."

I fed Edward, and in exchange, he helped me with my homework and typed up a business plan for me before putting me to bed.

***Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Hope you enjoyed. We pay Bella a visit at the psych ward in the next chapter...more to come next weekend.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com.


	10. Elusive Reality  Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

It's so cold. It's always so cold in here. Today something new happened. I saw the doctor for only the second time since I got here. It was normal physical type stuff. He could feel the cold on my skin and he told me after my evaluation next week, if I seemed to be improving, he would see about getting me a warmer blanket. I think it was the first time I smiled since I'd been here. I miss being warm.

I wonder what my evaluation is. Thinking about being evaluated made me nervous. How was I supposed to act? I made sure I took my medicine like I was supposed to because I think I'm more stable and less confused when I take it. If me appearing normal gets me a blanket, then I need to appear normal. No thoughts of Dad and Edward for a while.

Evaluation day. Apparently it was a mental evaluation. I got to go to his office. It was on the other side of the hospital. Two people escorted me and I had to have my wrists and hands bound together for the duration of the walk. It was the most exercise I had gotten in months. There were some scary areas in this hospital. My cell looked like a suite compared to some. At least they didn't have me in a straight jacket yet. One boy I saw even had something covering his mouth so he couldn't speak.

Dr. Cline's office was nice. It was warm. There was a couch I immediately sat on. It was warm and soft and squishy. He made me move to a chair and table on the other side of his office. I got to use an ink pen. I had to answer some questions on a piece of paper about how I was feeling. It only gave me four choices and cold wasn't one of them. I was glad that I still knew how to read. I tried to waste as much time as possible and very slowly shaded in the little circles. I didn't want to go back to my cell.

"You don't have to fill it in perfectly, Isabella."

"Who?" I asked.

The doctor quickly reached for my file, reading the label on the side. "Isabella Swan, is that not correct?"

"They just call me Swan. I haven't heard Isabella in a long time. I don't think that's the name I used before I came here."

The doctor gave me a strange look and started flipping through some papers in my file.

"Bella, your mother calls you, Bella."

That seemed slightly familiar. "That sounds about right. Does that thing say stuff about my mom?"

The doctor closed the file. "No, not very much."

"Oh." I shaded the last circle and pushed the piece of paper back across the table to him. He reviewed it for several minutes and then started asking me the same fucking questions that were on the paper. I started to ask him if he knew how to read, but then I remembered that I was supposed to be normal and good so I could get a blanket.

I told Dr. Cline that I felt fine. I told him I didn't know why I was here, but that I liked the crayons and the food that was served on Saturdays and Tuesdays.

"How do you feel when you think about your father?"

Crap. I know I'm not supposed to feel good about my father. I'm very deep in my medicated haze today and I really can't seem to feel anything. I shrugged my shoulders and told the doctor that I didn't remember much.

"Who is, Edward?" he asked.

My eyes shot up to his. Who is, Edward? Edward. Edward. Edward. Why does that name seem so familiar. The doctor picked up on my confusion.

"You wrote that name down next to the question about what makes you happy."

"No, I didn't. There are only circles."

He passed the paper over to me so I could see it. The last circle was shaded and the word next to it was marked out and the name Edward was written above it in my handwriting. I didn't remember doing that. Shit. I was really confused and I was supposed to be acting normal. Edward did seem familiar though. Lie. I would lie.

"Edward was an old friend of mine."

The doctor seemed satisfied with my answer. After several more questions he let me leave his office, with a white freshly washed fleece blanket. I was so freaking excited. It even smelled good. The attendant carried it back to my cell for me. As soon as I was back in my cell and free from my constraints I curled up on my bed with my new warm blanket. It made me smile. I laid down and rested my head on the lackluster pillow and heard paper crunch.

I sat up, remembering that I kept something in my pillow case. I pulled out a stack of papers. They all either said things about my dad or Edward. Who the fuck was Edward? I started to read further to get more information about Edward but the stuff about my dad was too depressing and I put it all back in my pillow case and took a nap until dinner time.

I didn't take my medicine for a week following that night. I was more confused and unstable as ever. Edward was my boyfriend in London, I think. I couldn't remember if the things I had written on the papers were real or were dreams or my imagination. I had written little things about our first date, our first fight, our first kiss. Edward seemed real to me, but I wasn't sure if all of those things were real.

My mom is supposed to visit today. I wasn't sure whether to be excited or angry about this. It never seemed to go over well.

I got escorted to the visitation room about an hour later. Mom was already there. She looked the same, I guess. She looked like she had been shopping, or changed her hair or something. She looked fresh and bright and made up. She looked happy. I hate her for being happy.

"So, Bella, I spoke with your doctor. He seems to think you're doing well with your treatment and medication."

"Oh, yeah? I think I like him, he gave me a blanket."

"A blanket?"

"Yes, it's so cold in here all the time."

"Well that was nice of him."

I nodded my head.

"If you keep on your medication and do well at your next evaluation, I heard he may let you start participating in more activities."

"What kind of activities?" I asked.

"Well, they have social time every day at 2:00 p.m. You could start going to that and meet some friends."

"Friends? Mom, these people are crazy."

"Well, maybe you might find you have something in common with a few of them."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't think so. But yea, any time out of my cell would be good."

"When you really start to get on track and do better, they have outside time in the morning and afternoon."

"Outside? Like in the sun?"

"Yes!"

Oh, how I longed to feel the Phoenix sun on my skin. I just wanted to feel anything other than cold, it's the only way I could be sure I was alive. "I would like outside time."

"Well, the only thing that came back not so great about your evaluation is that you keep talking about someone named Edward. You don't know anyone named Edward. If you quit talking about him, the doctor might think you're stable enough to participate in more activities."

"I do know someone named, Edward."

"Bella, we've been through this. He's not real. At least just keep your little imaginary friends to yourself in front of the doctor so he will allow you more activity time so you don't have to be so isolated."

I wanted to hit her in the damn face. She is such a bitch.

"Fine," I agreed.

"So, Mom, what are you doing now? How are you affording the bills and the house and all these new clothes without, Dad?"

Her face changed. She was about to tell a lie.

"Well, he had some life insurance. I'm still working and using some of that money to help make ends meet. Most of that money went towards your attorney fees. I will likely be putting the house on the market soon and move into something smaller and more manageable."

I didn't believe her. She loved that house. She wouldn't sell it for anything. Dad worked extra shifts every week to help pay for it, because it is what she wanted. Her voice extracted me from my thoughts.

"Well, it's been really nice to see you, Bella. You're really making some improvement."

I nodded my head. "Thanks."

She stood to leave. "I'll see you next time."

I stood as well and I was excited to return to the warmth and comfort of the blanket I earned for pretending to be less crazy.

***Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Sorry this one was kind of short, the next one will make up for it. Things will start to progress in a few more chapters!

Twitter: AllorNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	11. Elusive Reality  Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

London, England - 2004

On what was Thanksgiving weekend in the states, I got quite the surprise in London.

Edward had come by late the night before. He had been working full time now for his father and he often worked late hours. Edward liked to sleep in and work in the afternoon and put his business plans and presentations together in the evening when everyone had left the office. His father was the boss, so he could do what he wanted. Edward was still in his work clothes when he arrived. He looked so delicious in a suit. I hung up his jacket for him while he filled me in on his day and vice versa. We joked about already acting like an old couple.

Edward playfully threw me on to the bed and crawled on top of me. "Old couples probably don't do this..." he said as he began to trail kisses down my body. I felt my insides turn all hot and liquid. I loved what he did to me.

The following morning I woke early to find myself curled up next to a nearly naked Edward, and I was wearing only his white button up shirt from the night before. I didn't have to be on campus until 10:00 a.m., so I went back to sleep.

I don't think I had been back to sleep long when I heard a knock at the door. I sat up and looked at Edward. He was still half asleep and I wasn't sure he heard it. I crawled over him, receiving a smack on the ass as I went. He was definitely awake. I padded across the room and swung the door open without a second thought.

I gasped when I saw him. I turned a deep shade of red when he took in my appearance. We both stood there speechless for a moment. I swear I could hear my heart braking, and his.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly, hoping Edward had fallen back to sleep. Jake started to stutter and I heard Edward getting out of bed. I looked over at him, clad, in only his black boxer briefs. I begged him with my eyes to stay put, but I knew it was hopeless. I turned back to Jake.

"I...I missed you," Jake confessed.

I gasped for air. He knew we had broken up. He didn't know I was seriously involved, and sleeping with, someone else.

I shook my head. "Jake..."

I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist behind me. He kissed my cheek. I wanted to cry. I didn't want to hurt Jake like this.

Jake's mouth hung open. "Wow," is all he said.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I had no idea you were coming."

"I know, but really, Bella? You're already fucking someone?"

"Already? Jake we haven't been together in months."

"Don't talk to her like that," Edward chimed in.

Oh no. No. No. No. I urged Edward to be quiet. I could see the anger building in Jake.

"How long has this been going on?" Jake asked.

Before I could open my mouth, Edward answered.

"Months."

Jake stood awkwardly at my door, a bag in hand. It dawned on me then that he had probably intended on staying with me.

"Jake, just give me a minute, okay? I'll be right back." I closed the door gently, not shutting it all the way. I moved Edward away from the door.

"I'm sorry. You have to go."

"What? Bella? Seriously? I thought you were done with him."

"We are finished, but he's still a really good friend of mine. I can't hurt him like this. I can't. Please, just go and let me talk to him. We'll get things straightened out."

"I'm not leaving you alone with him."

"What? Edward you have to. I mean, he'll probably stay here. He can't afford a hotel."

"Stay here? Where? I'm pretty sure there isn't room for three in your bed," Edward said. I could tell he was getting mad. I didn't want him to be mad at me. I was so mad at Jake for showing up, but I didn't want to completely destroy him either. I knew he was still in love with me and seeing what he saw, had to hurt.

"Edward, please, let me just work this out. I'll call you later. I'll stay with you."

Now Edward looked hurt. I didn't understand.

"Edward?"

"I spent all this time trying to convince you that I wouldn't hurt you, that you were different. It never dawned on me, that you could potentially hurt me, break me, ruin me."

I closed the small space between us, and wrapped myself around him. "Edward, no." It hit me then, that Edward probably felt threatened by Jake. After all, he was taller than Edward and had a body to die for, but that didn't mean anything to me. "There is no choice to be made here, Edward. He couldn't do, or say, anything to make me want you any less. I'm yours. How could you doubt that?"

He sighed and finally embraced me back. He took a deep breath. "Okay, well, I need my shirt back, so I can go."

I started to unbutton it right in front of him. His eyes fell from mine, down to my chest and waist, before coming quickly back up. "Don't," he warned before kissing me. Damn Jake. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed with Edward and show him just how much I wanted him, and nobody else.

After Edward stopped kissed me, I disappeared into the bathroom and changed clothes. When I returned to the main room, Edward was fully dressed. We walked in silence to the door. We paused for a moment before I opened the door.

"Call me when you get off work tonight, and I'll head over to your place," I offered.

"No need," he said, as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out his keys and took off the key to his flat and placed it in my hand.

I smiled. "Thank you. I'll just head there after class." I opened the door and before I knew it, Edward was kissing me. If it didn't feel so damn good, I would've stopped it sooner because I knew Jake was watching. Edward's kiss left me breathless. I knew he was doing it to prove a point in front of Jake, but it was so wonderful, I couldn't be mad. His hand lingered in mine for a moment. "I'll see you tonight. Call me if you need anything." He squeezed my hand, and he was gone.

Jake was furious. He immediately came inside and started pacing the floors. He glanced around.

"Is this it, Bella? It's tiny."

"It serves its purpose," I responded.

Jake walked around looking at things for a few more minutes before he finally sat down on my bed.

"So, you've been seeing this guy for months? When did you meet him?"

I took a deep breath. I needed to be honest. "Yes. I actually met him my first weekend here."

"Is it serious, or are you just fucking him?"

I scoffed. "I don't just fuck people, Jake."

"What do I know anymore?"

I rolled my eyes. "Edward and I are together for now. I don't know what the future holds."

"Was I really that easy to forget?" Jake asked softly.

I felt my chest get heavy. I hated this. "I didn't forget you. We're still friends, I still want to stay friends. We've known each other our entire lives, Jake. I just don't think we're meant to be a couple. I don't know what will happen when I have to return to the states, I just know that for now, I'm really happy with Edward. I'm sorry that it caught you off guard."

Jake sighed and didn't really respond.

"I have to get ready for class." I excused myself to the bathroom.

When I returned, Jake hadn't moved.

"I should be back around 3:00 p.m. You can make yourself at home. I'll stay at Edward's tonight."

"You can stay here. Your bed is large enough. I won't bother you."

I sighed. "Edward wouldn't appreciate that. He's just a block away, it's no problem."

Jake scoffed. "Whatever."

I turned to go to class and left him and his attitude alone.

When I returned home from class, Jake was gone. I wanted to talk to him. He left a note on the night stand that said he went sightseeing and would be back around 3:00 p.m.

I packed an overnight bag to take to Edward's and continued to wait on Jake. I didn't want to leave things they way they were. I wanted to make amends. I really didn't want him to return home and tell my parents how he found me. My dad would freak out. I laid down and drifted off to sleep while pondering ways to smooth things over.

My eyes shot open sometime later when I heard my door open. The room had grown considerably darker. Nightfall. Edward.

I began to sit up but felt a heaviness that was keeping me down.

Edward looked down right enraged.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

I realized then, exactly what was wrong. I felt his heat before I saw him. Jake's arm was wrapped firmly around my waist and he was shirtless. He sat up without a care, as if nothing had happened. I was furious. He did this on purpose.

"Jake! What the hell?" I shoved him off of me.

Edward went over to the drawer in my dresser that was designated "his" and started pulling his things out.

"Edward, wait! Stop!"

Jake laid back on the bed, a smug look on his face. Apparently things were going accordingly to his plan. I wanted to hit him.

I went to Edward and started putting things back in his drawer that he had dropped on the floor to collect.

"Edward, stop!"

I could see the anger in his eyes. His cheeks and ears were red. His skin was warm. He pushed me away. "I don't even know you!" he screamed.

I burst into tears. "Don't say that."

Edward continued to gather his things. I turned to Jake, who was still smug. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Get up, Jake. Get dressed, and get the hell out of here."

Jake stood up and grabbed his t-shirt that was laying on the floor nearby. When he stood, I smacked him as hard as I could, right across his face. He looked a little stunned. It was one of the first times I had gotten to use my right hand, as I had just had my cast removed the day before. "How could you do this to me? You don't love me! If you did, you wouldn't be trying to sabotage my relationship with him. Just because he leaves, doesn't mean I'm going to run back to you, Jake. Ever. You've really disappointed me. Grow up. You wonder why we didn't work out," I scoffed.

I turned and walked out, leaving them both standing speechless in my flat. I didn't know where I was going, I just didn't want to be there.

I decided to grab a coffee and go to the library to try study for an exam. It was useless. I sat in a study carrel and cried and watch my phone ring over and over. The little screen alternated between Jake and Edward's names. I was too upset to talk to them, and the library wasn't the place, anyway. I couldn't believe that Edward said he didn't know me, that he would believe what he walked in on was real.

I must have dozed off from crying and I woke up to someone's fingers running through my hair. I was startled and sat up quickly. I knocked something out of Edward's hands. I was embarrassed, people were watching us.

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd be here. I didn't mean to scare you," Edward whispered, picking up a small bundle of flowers from the floor. He brought me flowers. I started crying again. I stood and grabbed my things. I began apologizing profusely, unsure if I was apologizing to Edward, or the people in the library that were watching us.

We didn't speak until we were outside.

"Bella, let me take you home, please."

I nodded and followed him to his car. There was an awkward silence between us. I didn't know what to say, and he didn't speak. I wondered where Jake was. The fact that I still needed to smooth things over with him before he returned home was heavy on my mind.

We arrived to Edward's flat.

"Am I being too presumptuous?" he asked.

I looked at him blankly. I didn't understand.

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Oh, most likely," I responded, not giving it a second thought.

We headed inside and routinely changed into our pajamas. I was starving. I couldn't remember the last time I ate. I put the flowers Edward gave me in a vase of water. They were pretty multicolored daisies. He joined me in the kitchen. We starred at each other momentarily.

"Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"The flowers."

"Oh, of course. It's the least I could do."

"Are you hungry?" I asked. "Do you want some popcorn?" Edward rarely had food in his flat, but he always had popcorn.

"Sure."

I turned towards his pantry when I felt his hand on my wrist. I turned to face him. He closed the small space between us. His hands went to either side of my face and his eyes met mine. I loved his eyes; I could get lost in them. I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he was just very close to me when he spoke. The pain was evident in his features.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean what I said."

I nodded my head in understanding, and before I could speak, my stomach growled. We both laughed, and I made the popcorn.

We shared our popcorn in silence before retiring to bed. We snuggled in close together before I started the conversation that we had been putting off.

"What happened after I left?"

Edward took in a deep breath and blew it out before answering. "We just exchanged a few words."

"That's it?" I asked.

Edward nodded his head. "I wanted to kill him, but I thought I'd lose."

I giggled. "He can fight."

"Yea, it looks like it."

"Do you know what he was going to do? His he staying at my place?"

"I don't know. I told him he needed to apologize to you and go home and never come back."

I sighed.

"What?" Edward asked.

"I've got to smooth things over with him before he leaves, just to appease him."

"Why?"

"Because, if he tells my father what he saw, he will flip out. He'll demand that I come home." I sighed. "He's going to be so mad at me. My dad, and Jake's dad, are like brothers. Best friends. Jake will tell him all kinds of crazy shit to try to make me come back."

"He's such an ass hole. You are entirely too good for him. Did he ever hurt you? Physically?"

"What? No. He looks much more intimidating than he is. He would never. He's a good person at heart, he's just hurt. I mean, all our lives this is what everyone talked about, he and I being together. It's what people expect. It's what we expected. I feel bad for him, but he's really being childish."

"He is."

We were quiet for a moment. I turned out the light.

"Bella?"

"Hm?"

I felt his fingers tracing my cheek bone. "I'm really sorry."

"I know you are, it's okay."

"Even when Victoria showed up at my place, you still believed me. You trusted me."

"I trust you. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do."

Edward sighed. "It scares me."

"What scares you?" I asked, concerned.

"This. Us."

My heart started racing. What was he getting at? "Elaborate."

He sighed again and rolled over on to his back, away from me. I followed him, propping myself upon his chest. "Edward? What are you talking about? You're scaring me."

His hands covered his face momentarily and he let out a deep breath into them before running his hands through his hair. "I don't know how to do this," he finally responded. "The way I reacted...that's not like me. I'd never felt such a vast array of emotions before, I didn't know what to do."

I didn't understand. Was this him backing out on us? Was this him realizing he was in too deep? Before I could question him, he continued.

"I mean, I was so mad. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to hurt you for doing that to me. I felt alienated and so...so fucking hurt. Like, without you, there would be nothing. I would be nothing."

I hadn't breathed in nearly a minute and I was starting to feel light headed. "Are you saying we should cool off? Take things slower?"

Edward's eyes shot quickly to mine. "What? No, I'm not saying that!"

I exhaled.

He sighed.

We stared at each other, never blinking.

His hand cradled my face. "What I'm trying to say is, I think I'm falling in love with you. I think I love you. I think I've never felt this way before and I don't know what the fuck to do."

I let out a little giggle, relieved.

"You're laughing at me?" he teased.

I laughed again. "I thought you were breaking up with me!"

He laughed too. It was a beautiful sound. "I told you I didn't know how to do this," he said.

I smiled and kissed him. "You did a fine job. I'm just a pessimist."

He smiled and flipped me over onto my back. My hands got lost in his mess of bronze locks while his lips explored mine. Everything about him felt so fucking good. After his lips left mine, he peppered barely there kisses down my neck as his hands slowly worked my shirt up. Every square inch of my body was on high alert, anticipating where it would next feel him, when it would next be brought to life. The insides of my wrists and thighs, behind my ear, the crook of my neck, the space between my breasts, he left nothing untouched. Watching and feeling him show his love for me was like nothing I had ever experienced before. While my body was screaming for attention in specific places, my mind lavished every little detail of his sweet assault.

When Edward finally entered me, I felt whole and complete, absolute. His eyes found mine and never left their depths until I was writhing beneath him. When I regained my composure I vowed to give him everything he had given me, and then some. I enjoyed nothing more than being on top of him and watching him watch me. He made me feel as if I were floating. I gripped his hands as they gripped my hips. I watched as his breath caught and his face contorted. I felt his grip tighten and watched his eyes close. I felt his release and saw the relief evident on his face seconds later. I collapsed onto his warm chest. "I think I love you, too."

Edward suddenly tugged at my hair and titled my chin up so I could see his eyes. "I was wrong. I don't think I love you, Bella. I know I do. There's simply no other way to describe the feeling inside me when I'm near you."

A grin spread across my face and my lips found his. There were fireworks going off in my mind. This was the good life. I was living the good life, with Edward.

***Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing! We get some EPOV in the next chapter. Stay tuned. 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	12. Elusive Reality  Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

London, England - 2004

I awoke the following morning to a gourmet breakfast, served to me in bed on a little tray, complete with a small vase of freshly picked flowers. It was like something you only saw on a Lifetime movie. I was almost speechless.

"Edward! I can't believe you did all this!" I said as I sat up and pulled the sheet around me.

"Well, I couldn't get you to wake up, so I got bored. I went to the store; I made everything myself!"

I laughed. Edward was proud of himself. "What time is it?"

"Almost 11:00 a.m."

"I can't believe I sleep so long. You really did a number on me last night," I teased as I kissed him. He was so cute. We hurried through our breakfast so we could have each other for lunch.

Later that afternoon I attempted to call Jake to see if he was still at my place because I needed to go home to get some studying done. When I got no response, I decided I'd take my chances.

"I'll walk you home," Edward offered.

"You don't have to. I'll be okay, he's probably not there."

"I want to, just incase."

I knew Edward's concerns were pointless, but I allowed him to walk me home so he would feel better.

We went up to my flat and I opened the locked door and was completely unprepared for what awaited me on the other side.

I stepped inside and was at a loss for words as I took in the condition of my belongings. Everything was in disarray. Jake had trashed the place. A photo of Edward and I that had previously been on my nightstand, was now torn to pieces in a pile of broken glass from it's frame. The mattress of my bed was thrown up against the wall. My drawers were pulled from the dressers, clothes and other belongings were strewn throughout the small space. There was a hole punched through the door that led to the bathroom. A sob escaped me and I turned to Edward.

His arms were already opened for me and I fell into them.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"I know he's mad, but this is ridiculous!"

I took a few minutes to collect myself and then I started assessing the situation and where I would begin.

"Don't even think about it," Edward chimed in.

I turned to face him. "What do you mean? I can't leave it like this."

"You have an exam tomorrow. You have to maintain your GPA in order to stay in the program. His antics are not going to dictate your life. Why don't you go to the library and study for a little while and I will clean up around here enough to make it livable."

I sighed. "This isn't your responsibility. I don't want you to have to do this."

"I don't mind. Go on."

I sighed and reluctantly agreed. It took us twenty additional minutes to find the textbook I needed.

Edward's POV

I was so pissed off. If I thought I could take him, and if I knew where he was, I would do serious damage to Jake. I mean, who did he think he was? If he loved her, how could he destroy all of her belongings like this? It was even worse than we first suspected. It appeared that he had poured a liquid substance over her pile of bedding and many of her clothes. Based on the trash lying around in the kitchen area, it appeared that it was a mixture of milk and cranberry juice.

I wasn't exactly domestic, and I began to think that this mess was bigger than me. I called for backup.

"Hello, Mother, are you busy?"

"Hi darling! I'm just catching up on some reading. How are you?"

"Um, well, I've actually got a bit of a mess on my hands. You think you could come by?"

"Of course, what's going on?" Esme asked.

"I'll explain when you get here. I'm at Bella's." I gave her the address, told her to bring some cleaning supplies, and I got to work.

It was kind of strange, and intriguing, to wash Bella's undergarments. I had to wash all of her clothes that were victim the milk and cranberry juice. There were several little undergarments that she had yet to debut in front of me.

I gathered her bedding and put it in a large trash bag. The milk was already starting to spoil. I'd buy her new bedding, it wasn't worth the time or effort to attempt to save it. I was grateful the little bastard didn't ruin her expensive mattress.

I heard a gentle knock on the door.

I let my mother in.

"Oh, Edward. What happened in here? Where is Bella? Is she okay?"

My mother immediately began moving things and cleaning.

"She was upset, but I sent her off to the library to study. I didn't realize it was this bad when I agreed to clean it up for her."

"Who did this? Was there a break-in? Was she here?"

I sighed. "No, her ex-boyfriend from the states showed up yesterday, he wasn't too pleased to find us in bed together."

My mother's face flushed.

"Sorry, Mum. We are adults, we do adult things, in beds."

Esme laughed. "I know, darling. It's just such an unfortunate circumstance that he found the two of you like that."

"You're telling me. The guy is like seven feet tall and built like a horse. He's a little intimidating. Bella assured me he was harmless, until we came back to this."

Esme shook her head. "This is awful."

We made a game plan and started cleaning. Once we had put a significant dent in things my mother insisted on going out to buy Bella new bedding and some accessories that had been damaged. I knew she would go overboard so I insisted on going with her. While we were shopping, an idea struck me. I saw a really nice picture frame that would replace the one that was broken, but I needed to replace the photo as well.

"Mum, I'm going to run home and get my camera and have a print made. Do you think you can handle it from here?" We had already picked out her bedding and I didn't think there was much else to do.

"Of course, Edward. Do whatever you need to do."

I handed her my credit card.

"Don't be silly. It's on me."

"No way, Bella will flip out when she realizes I paid for all this. She will be bloody furious if she finds out you paid."

"It's just a couple hundred pounds, Edward. It's not a big deal. I don't ever get to buy things for you kids anymore."

"She's not your kid! And besides, a couple hundred pounds is a lot of money to her. She's not used to our kind of wealth. I have to practically beg her to allow me to spend money on her."

"Well, maybe if you play your cards right, she will be my kid-in-law one day," she teased.

I rolled my eyes. I was never going to win. "Oh, Mother. Just hurry up, okay? I'll tell her I paid for it and we got it on clearance. Understand?"

Esme giggled. "You didn't say no! You think you will marry her?"

I laughed. "I have to go, Mum. See you in a bit."

"Edward!"

I left the department store and went back to my flat. On the way there I got a text from Bella.

Is it safe to come home yet? - Bella

I responded immediately. No, it's very unsafe. Please study more. - Edward

I got home and grabbed the memory card from my camera. I headed out to make a print of one of the photos we took at the London Eye. It was my favorite of her, of us.

Are you kidding? I want to come home. I'm tired. - Bella

I really didn't want her to come home before we had her flat back to normal. I wanted it to be a bit of a surprise.

No, I'm not kidding. He emptied the contents of your refrigerator onto your clothes and bedding. I'm still cleaning. Give me another hour, please? That way you can come home and fall into bed and not lift a finger. - Edward

Her response came moments later.

I love you. I'll see you in an hour or so. I guess I'll be stopping at the store on the way back. - Bella

Her message made me smile and I hurried to get my errand done and get back to her flat.

When I arrived to Bella's flat, I encountered exactly what I had feared. My mother went overboard. Her bedding is what we had picked out, but in addition were what seemed like a million accent pillows. The bedding was an ivory color, similar to what she previously had, but a bit more luxurious. It had a romantic feel to it. There was some metal sconces above her bed that were on either side of a metal piece of art. The candles in the sconces were lit. Her bedside table had been draped in an ivory cloth that matched her bedding. The empty picture frame sat there next to another lit candle. In fact, there were little ivory candles lit throughout the room. There were ivory sheers outlining the window as well.

I shook my head. "Mum! This is too much."

"Oh, Edward. No it's not. She will love it. It feels much more like a home now. Give me the print you made."

I handed her the photo and she placed it in the frame. I had to admit, Bella's place looked quite nice. Her bed looked really comfortable and inviting. I really wanted to see her in it, wearing the candlelight only.

I had intended on making my mother leave before Bella arrived so she wouldn't know my mum had spent any money; however, that didn't go accordingly to plan. Bella walked through the door seconds later with two grocery bags in tow.

Bella's POV

When I first entered my flat, I did a double-take, fearing I had gone into the wrong unit. Sure enough, though, Edward and Esme were standing just inside the door. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was like my entire flat had gotten a make-over, like someone from HGTV came in and took over. There were candles lit throughout the room, a new photo of Edward and I in a new frame, new bedding, new curtains, new accessories, it was too much.

"Edward!" I was slightly speechless as I took everything in. "It's beautiful, but was it all really necessary?"

Edward came and took the bags from my hands. Esme greeted me. "Hi, Dear. It really was necessary. Don't you worry about a thing," she said as she hugged me. "We got everything on clearance. We hardly spent any money at all." I looked around the room again and started adding things up in my head.

I looked at Edward. I didn't believe her, but I didn't want to be rude to his mother. It was actually very touching. My mother had never done anything close to this. The fact that Esme would care to help me made me tear up a little bit. "It's really beautiful. You really shouldn't have, but thank you."

Esme kissed my cheek. "You are welcome. I've got to get home. Carlisle is probably wondering where I've disappeared to. You kids enjoy yourselves." She hugged and kissed Edward before quickly making her exit.

"I can't believe you and your mom did this," I said to Edward.

He shrugged his shoulders. "It's no big deal," he said as he went into the bathroom and moved a load of my clothes from the washer to the drier.

"It is a big deal. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before."

"Well you obviously haven't been hanging around the right people."

I nudged him. "It is too much, but I really love it. Thank you."

Edward glanced up and smiled at me. "You're welcome."

"I can do this," I said, trying to take over my laundry.

Edward actually stepped out of the way and allowed me to take over, however he had something in his hand.

"Why haven't I ever seen these on you?" he asked as he held up a small dark blue lacy pair of panties.

I felt my cheeks turn red. The fact that he had been doing my laundry just hit me. That was awkward. I snatched them out of his hand and placed them in the drier. "They're new," I said, embarrassed.

Edward laughed. "Don't be shy now. I've officially seen all your undergarments. You've definitely been holding out on me."

I turned around to face him. "Oh my God." I covered my face with my hand. "You are embarrassing me. I have not been holding out on you, I just haven't worn some things yet."

Edward laughed again and pulled me into his arms. "I'm just playing with you, baby. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I like you better naked, anyway."

I reached up and kissed the crook of his neck. Despite all his apparent hard work, he still smelled good.

Edward's POV

Making love to Bella that night in the glow of candlelight was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I didn't think she could be any more beautiful, but seeing her creamy skin against mine in the dull glow was absolutely stunning. Her mahogany hair splayed out across the ivory pillow and her bare shoulders in stark contrast to one another. I worshiped every inch of her body with my lips and tongue until I saw a desperate look in her eyes to give her something more. Her lips were red and swollen from my kisses and she was beautiful in her imperfection. Bella was unlike any girl I had ever met before. She was constantly surprising me. She made me feel good. She made me want to do good. My happiness was a direct result of her own. My days were not complete without seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, and tasting her kiss.

"I love you, Bella."

Her lips turned up in a small smile and she kissed my jaw. "Show me, Edward," she whispered against my skin.

With that, I pushed into her and watched as her eyes squeezed tightly closed, and I listened, while a tiny gasp escaped her and we were connected. I loved all the different sensations she created within and around me. She was warm inside, but cool outside. Her breath against my skin was electric. Her lips left tingling sensations wherever they went. Her hands were soft and her nails strong, as they dug into the flesh on my back or tugged on my hair.

I never wanted our bodies to be apart, because everything felt right when they were together, but it was impossible not to chase the high she always brought to me. So, when her body grew tense around mine and my name began to fall from her lips, I could do nothing more than come with her and tell her that I loved her.

***Author's Note: Sorry I missed the update last weekend! I'm in the middle of working 18 days straight w/ only one day off, so I have been short on time. Hope you all enjoyed this one...trouble starts in the next chapter. Thanks to those of you who have been reviewing! 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	13. Elusive Reality  Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

London, England - 2004

I thought I knew what love and happiness were before I met Edward. It turns out, I didn't have a clue. I knew what complacency and settling were with Jake. I knew before I came to London that Jake and I were finished because I needed to figure out who I was and what made me happy. I had learned more about myself in the few months I had been in London than I had in a lifetime in Phoenix. The feeling I got when I was around Edward was unlike anything else. He made me happy, he made me smile, he made me comfortable, he made me feel good, he made me feel loved. I guess, in retrospect, Jake did all of those things too, but it didn't feel the same. I get so much satisfaction from seeing Edward smiling and laughing. His happiness is my own.

The last few weeks had been fairly uneventful as Edward and I went about our daily lives. I never heard from, or saw, Jake again, and I was okay with that for now. One thing never changed though, and that was the way Edward and I felt about each other. Every day was new and exciting. Every day I learned something else about him that I loved. We practically lived together, alternating time between his place and mine. I appreciated that he never complained about staying in my tiny flat when we could be in his more luxurious and roomy place. He said he liked it at my place because it had so much of me in it. I liked his place because it was such a reflection of him. We were not to the point of rushing into living together officially, so we alternated time between the two places. I liked staying at Edward's better because his piano is there and he always plays something for me and sings me to sleep and its the most beautiful thing to hear him sing. He is so incredibly talented. One gloomy Sunday afternoon it rained most of the day and Edward glued himself in front of the piano playing very emotional and riveting pieces. I laid nearby on his couch with a cup of tea and a warm blanket listening and watching. It was such a simple day, but so perfect in it's own way.

Unfortunately, things cannot always remain ideal. Christmas was quickly approaching and I would be returning to Phoenix for nearly two weeks to be with my family. As sad as it may sound, I would rather stay in London with Edward and his family. I didn't want to go home, but my mother and father insisted. I did miss them, but two weeks without Edward was a very long time.

There were less than 48 hours to go before Edward would be dropping me at the airport and things seemed sort of tense between us. I'm not sure if it was me or him causing the tension, or both of us. Going home for Christmas unfortunately reminded me that my time in London was limited. What would happen between us when my student visa expired at the end of the school year and I had to return to the states? It was a question neither of us ever spoke of and it worried me.

The evening before I went to the airport eventually arrived and Edward was brooding. He seemed so unhappy and unsure. He wasn't confident anymore and I didn't understand why. I mean, I would miss him terribly, but it wasn't the end of the world.

I was packing the last of my things before bed when I felt him come up from behind me and hug me. His chin rested atop my head.

He sighed. "I'm going to miss you so much. I wish you would've just let me come with you."

I turned around. "Edward, you need to spend Christmas with your family. We talked about this, it just isn't a good idea right now. I'm going to miss you, but I'll call you every day. Two weeks will be over before you know it," I said, giving him a quick kiss. The truth was, I really didn't want Edward to see how dysfunctional my family was, not to mention my dad probably wouldn't be too pleased about the whole situation.

"I know, I just hate the idea of you being in the same city as him."

Oh. "Is that what all this brooding is about?"

Edward laughed. "I'm not brooding."

"Yes, you are, and you have been for a few days."

"I just wish you weren't going. I just don't have a good feeling about it."

"Edward, I'm coming back. Nothing is going to happen in Phoenix. I hopefully won't even see Jake. It's not a big deal. Trust me, there is nothing in this world that he could do or say to me to change the way I feel about you." I sighed, "I wish you were more confident about us."

Edward looked defeated. "I'm sorry. I am confident about us. I trust you. I just really don't like that guy."

"There's nothing to worry about," I said, as I wrapped my arms around him and reached up for a kiss. "I promise. It's getting late, why don't you take me to bed and give me something good to think about for the next two weeks."

"Mmmm...that sounds like a great idea," he said as he began to kiss down my neck. I smiled in return and vowed to myself to remember every detail of that night so I'd have something to look forward to when I returned.

We were up before the sun the following morning. We hadn't said two words to each other. We silently made coffee, showered, and grabbed something quick to eat. I shuffled my suitcase to the door and waited for him to follow me.

He eventually met me at the door and sighed as he took my suitcase from my hand. I grabbed my keys and took the key to my flat off the ring. I handed it to Edward. "Will you come by occasionally and water my plants?" I had brought a little cactus with me from home and I had a few other little house plants that I didn't want to die while I was gone.

"Of course," Edward said, taking the key and putting it in his pocket.

I thank him and turned off the light before we left. The ride to the airport was in silence. He dropped me off at the international gate and unloaded my suitcase for me. We were standing on the curb, and I was running late.

"Come here..." I said, with my arms open.

He walked into my embrace and we hugged each other so tight it felt hard to breathe. I kissed his cheek. "I'll miss you."

He sighed into my shoulder and kissed my neck. "I love you. Call me as soon as you arrive, okay? I don't care what time it is."

I nodded my head and kissed his lips, savoring his taste, hoping it would get me through the next two weeks. "I love you. I'll see you soon, and we'll do Christmas when I get back."

Edward nodded his head and we separated, but our hands lingered a moment longer. I headed into the terminal and turned around just before entering. Edward was still watching me. He blew me a kiss and smiled. I couldn't wait get this over with and be back here, with him. I smiled back at him and went inside.

I was one of the last ones to board and I was exhausted. I had only gotten two hours of sleep, at best, the night before. I made myself comfortable, hoping I'd sleep a good portion of the flight.

I switched planes in Los Angeles and was only an hour away from home. Once in Phoenix, I caught a cab to my parents house. My dad was working, and my mother couldn't be bothered. I text messaged Edward.

I made it. I miss you already - Bella

His response was immediate.

I'm glad you made it safely. I miss you, too. I'm spending the evening with my parents, trying to forget you're not here. - Edward

I love you. I'll call you before I go to bed if it isn't too late. - Bella

I don't care what time it is. I'll want to hear your voice. - Edward.

I smiled and tucked my phone back into my purse as the cab pulled into my driveway. It was kind of nice to be back. I had missed seeing the sun so much. I paid the driver after he unloaded my suitcase. My mother came running out the front door and nearly knocked me over with a hug. That was a bit unusual, she wasn't normally a hugger.

"Hey, Mom."

"Oh, Bella! It's so good to see you. You look really good."

"Thanks, so do you."

We made our way inside and I got my things settled. I didn't really know what to talk about with my mother. I wished my dad was home with us, but he didn't get off work until late.

Eventually the topic of Jacob came up.

"I just can't believe you did that to him, Bella. You should've seen him. It was so pitiful."

I shook my head. "Mom, I really don't want to talk about this. He's not as innocent as he looks."

"What do you mean?"

"Did he tell you what he did to me?"

My mother shook her head.

"He destroyed my flat. He ruined all of my belongings, my bedding, everything. If it weren't for Edward and his mom, I'd have nothing left."

Renee sighed. "Well maybe you deserved it. Imagine how he must have felt walking in on what he walked in on."

I was fuming. I wanted to hit her. How could she say that to me? I knew damn good and well she was cheating on Charlie.

"Seriously, Mom? We were not together. I had no obligation to him! He had no right to do what he did to me. How can you say that to me? I know you are not perfect. At least I broke up with Jake before I started sleeping with someone else. It's more than I can say about you," I said as I stood up and walked up to my old room. My mom stayed put on the couch, speechless.

She made me so mad I couldn't see straight. Angry hot tears fell over my cheeks. I knew it was very early morning in London, but I had to talk to Edward. I selfishly dialed his phone.

"Bella," he answered, groggily.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

"Yes, but it's okay. I was waiting for your call."

I sighed. "I wish I hadn't of come here," I said, as my tears betrayed me again. I could hear Edward shuffling around on the line.

"What's wrong, Bella? Are you crying?"

"Yeah, but I'm okay. My mom just makes me so angry. She said some stuff that upset me. She said I deserved what Jake did to me."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, she's just like that. She's mean, and then I accused her of cheating on my dad," I sighed. "These are going to be the worst two weeks of my life."

"Bella, I'm sorry. Don't let her talk to you like that. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, it just hurts to hear your own mother stick up for your ex, instead of her own daughter."

Edward sighed. "I don't want you to be upset and crying."

"I'll get over it."

"Well, if you change your mind about being there for two weeks, just say the words. I'll pay to have your flight transfered, you can come back to London whenever you want."

That was a really enticing offer, but I couldn't give up so easily. "Thank you, Edward. I'll keep that in mind. I'll let you get back to sleep. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, cheer up. I love you."

"I love you, too. I miss you."

I cried myself to sleep that night. I hated my mother. I hated what she did. I hated that she had been betraying my dad for so many years. I hated myself for not calling her out on it sooner and pretending like it wasn't happening. I hated Charlie for loving her unconditionally and turning his head when he saw signs of her infidelity. I hated being home. None of these problems and feelings plagued me when I was with Edward in London. He was my escape, my peace and comfort. He made me feel normal and beautiful and better than I really am. I missed him. I desperately missed my life in London, and I had only been gone less than 24 hours.

***Author's Note: Hi! Hope you all enjoyed. The next several chapters will be rocky at best, and we will eventually switch over to much more of Edward's point of view, but hang in there. Next update is next weekend. Thanks for the reviews! 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	14. Elusive Reality  Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Phoenix, Arizona - 2004/2005

My dad was home the following morning and Renee made breakfast. It was disgusting. It was nice to see Charlie, though. I missed him. He wasn't very pleased about what happened between Jake and I. While Renee was cleaning up the kitchen, Charlie and I sat outside enjoying our coffee, the one thing Renee couldn't screw up.

"I gotta say, I'm really disappointed, Bells."

"I know, Dad. I know that everyone wants what is best for themselves and not for me."

Charlie scoffed. "That's not true, Bella. We just always saw you and Jacob together. I mean, you broke his heart. It's hard for me to face Billy knowing that my daughter ruined his son."

"I didn't ruin him. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry Dad, but I'm not going to stay in a relationship I am not happy in. I refuse to be like you and mom."

"What do you mean? I'm perfectly happy with your mother."

He was so blind. "You know she isn't perfect."

"Nobody is perfect, Bella."

Edward is perfect, I thought. I missed him. I missed feeling normal. I didn't want to be here. I couldn't stay here for two weeks. I couldn't.

"Nobody may be perfect, Dad, but it doesn't mean you have settle. I was content with Jacob. He was all I knew. I needed to find myself and learn about who I was as an individual without him. In that process, I just so happened to fall in love with an amazing guy."

Charlie sighed, he didn't want to hear it.

"Dad, I wish you would just give Edward a chance. He takes such good care of me. He treats me like a princess. I've never felt so cherished and loved in my entire life. He's such an amazing person."

Charlie took a deep breath and blew it out. "What about when your program is over and you come home?"

"I don't know. We haven't gotten that far. We both know we want to be together, so we'll figure it out."

"I don't like it, Bells. I'm happy for you, if he makes you happy. But, I don't care how nice he is, nobody is taking my baby girl away from me. You are not moving to London permanently."

"Well see," I said. "Who knows."

I stood up went back inside to my room. I decided I'd meet up with some of my college friends for lunch and later that night at dinner, with my parents, I'd tell them I wasn't staying for Christmas.

Later that evening I was helping Renee cook dinner. Actually, I was cooking dinner and she was watching. I was making mexican. Renee kept refilling Charlie and I's mugs of beer. At least everyone was relaxed and in a good mood, thanks to Mr. Corona.

I served dinner and the three of us sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed it. I couldn't remember the last time we all sat at the table together. If my mom wasn't such a fake, it would've almost been enjoyable.

"So, I know you guys were expecting me to be here for Christmas, but I'd really like to spend Christmas in London, so I'm actually going to be leaving on Friday." Today was Tuesday. I hoped I could get a flight on Friday, I hadn't even talk to Edward about it. I wanted to surprise him.

My mom dropped her fork and got up and went to the kitchen. She brought all three of us another Corona.

"Bella, don't leave. We want to spend Christmas with you," Charlie said.

Renee started in on me too, "Yes, Bella. You need to be with your family on Christmas. You are just totally caught up in this Edward guy and it's completely unhealthy."

I felt my cheeks flame. I was feeling light headed. "Unhealthy? Like your relationship with multiple men behind Dad's back is unhealthy, is that what you mean?"

When Charlie started to defend her, I started sweating. I tried to speak, but nothing was coming out of my mouth. The room was spinning and so very warm. I tried to stand up, and then everything went black. I remember the sound of my head hitting the tile floor and then, nothing. Nothing. Darkness. Silence.

"Bella! Bella! What did you do?"

Darkness. My head hurts. My head hurts so bad. It's so hot. I'm so tired. What is that smell? Why is Renee screaming at me. Why do I feel wet. Renee is so loud and erratic. I tried to open my eyes. My head is so heavy. Darkness. Silence.

Screaming. Renee is still screaming. Light. My eyes opened. The room is still spinning. Renee was shaking me.

"Bella! What did you do? What happened?"

What was she talking about? Was she crying?

I slowly sat up and attempted to take in my surroundings. I tried to prop myself up on my elbows but my hand slipped in something wet. Why is the floor wet? The room stilled and I looked around. I immediately felt the bile rise in my stomach. Charlie. Charlie was bleeding. He was next to me and bleeding, everywhere. I was laying in a pool of blood. There was something cold in my other hand. A knife. A large knife. Why did I have a knife? Why is Renee looking at me like that? What did I do? The rusty smell of blood hit me and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I vomited on myself. Renee backed away from me. I heard sirens. They were so loud. Charlie wasn't moving.

"Dad? Dad, wake up. Are you okay?"

He didn't respond. I started crying.

"How could you do this, Bella? What did he do that was so bad?"

My head was pounding. Did I do this? I couldn't have. Why can't I remember anything?

Police officers moved in, men that I recognized as Charlie's co-workers. They told me not to move and to drop the knife I didn't know I was still holding. Paramedics checked Charlie briefly and then walked away. They weren't trying to save him. Officers began to pick me up. They cuffed me and started walking me out of the house. I looked back at Renee. She was crying and shaking her head. What had I done? Why couldn't I remember?

I was booked into the Women's Penitentiary. After they took a million photos of me, I was stripped of my clothes in front of two female officers and forced to shower while they watched. I was then searched from head to toe, literally. They gave me a dark blue pair of pants and t-shirt to wear. The clothes were scratchy and stiff. They took me into a small room with a desk and two chairs. The room was all white with a large glass window that looked like a mirror. They were going to interrogate me.

A detective came in some time later. He started asking me questions. I didn't know the answers. All I could remember is having dinner and then waking up with a knife in my hand, and Charlie was dead. The detective kept asking me about the argument my dad and I had, but I couldn't remember it. Eventually, I came to my senses and refused to answer anymore questions until I had an attorney present.

When I got to my cell, I was fortunately alone. That was the first time since the whole ordeal began that I thought of Edward. At the first thought of him, I lost it. I cried until I made myself sick. What had I done? What was going to happen to me? What about my school? What about Edward and London? I kept thinking this was all a terrible nightmare, and I would wake up soon, but I never did. It was the first of many nights I would cried myself to sleep.

If I was awake, I was crying. I cannot explain the absolute fear and guilt than consumed me in the days following Charlie's murder. I felt desperate and out of control. Panic constantly consumed me. I had to be sedated on multiple occasions. I was driving myself crazy, trying to figure out what had happened and what I had done.

After one particularly dramatic melt down in my cell, I was transferred to a state hospital. Things were blurry at best after that. Although my mom was horribly upset with me, she said she got me the best defense attorney money could buy, at the time, I was grateful.

London, England - 2004/2005

Edward's Story

The following day, I never heard from Bella. I didn't think much of it at first due to the time difference. I sent her a text message to let her know I was thinking of her and I went about my day.

After another day passed and I still hadn't heard from her, I started to worry. I tried to call her, but I got her voicemail. I left her a message.

Hey, beautiful, it's me. I haven't heard from you in a few days. I'm starting to worry about you. Call me when you get this, I don't care what time it is. I love you.

She never returned my calls. She never responded to my text messages. On the tenth day with no word from Bella, I was awoken in the middle of the night by a text message.

I'm not coming back. I'm sorry. Things changed. Jake and I are back together. I never meant to hurt you. - Bella

I kept rubbing my tired eyes. I couldn't be reading her message correctly. When I was sure I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and in fact read the message correctly, my heart started racing. My room was warm. I could feel my heartbeat in my head. She wasn't serious. She couldn't be. I called her immediately. She didn't answer. Bella wasn't this much of a coward. She wouldn't do this.

Answer your phone. Talk to me. What about school and your flat? How will you get all your belongings?

I sat up in bed and waited for her response, but it never came. I never went back to sleep. At 3:00 a.m. I crawled out of bed and walked the block to her flat. It was cold and windy. It seemed like I was the only person out. The world felt huge around me. I was alone.

Her flat was chilly. I crawled into her bed and savored the smell of her on the sheets. I tried not to cry. I didn't cry, especially over a girl. But Bella wasn't just any girl. I eventually fell asleep with the dreadful thoughts that I may never see her smile again, or hear her laughter. The reality of that, was too much to bear.

New Year's Eve. Alone. She never returned any of my calls. She never responded to my text messages. She had never returned for her things. I was devastated and heart broken. She was the only girl I ever loved.

I went through some of her things at her flat, trying to find a phone number for her mother or father. Her cell phone had recently been disconnected. I couldn't believe she changed her number because of me. None of this made sense. It wasn't like Bella to do this with so little explanation. I mean, she was so adamant about dealing with Jake cordially when he was here, and she didn't want to hurt him, but it was so easy for her to hurt me?

I eventually located a phone number for her home in Phoenix. I called, and surprisingly enough, her mother answered.

"Hello?"

I tried to hide my accent. "May I speak with Bella?"

"Who is this?"

"A friend of hers."

"Is this Edward? She's done with you. Can't you take a hint? She's not home right now, and she doesn't want to talk to you. Please stop calling."

The line went dead. The anger that coursed through my veins was more than I could control. I had to leave her flat so I wouldn't destroy everything in sight, the same way Jake had. How could she do this? How could everything we shared not have been real? How could she leave here and tell me she loved me and then walk out of my life and never come back? Was everything I thought we had together a lie?

Over the months that followed, I asked myself those questions on a regular basis. I never found the answers and my heart never healed. I was irrevocably broken.

***Author's Note: Hi! So...things are starting to shape up! The next couple of chapters are a little short, so I may try to update twice this week and next. We meet Alice in the next chapter...can you guess where? :) Thanks for reading/reviewing!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllorNothingKr at gmail (dot) com


	15. Elusive Reality  Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

Today something different was supposed to happen. I had been staying on my medicine, trying to do good and appear normal so that I could get to get out of my cell more. I had met with Dr. Cline a few more times and after my last evaluation, he decided that I should start participating in social activities.

I was kind of excited, but scared at the same time. From what I understand, this is the first step to being deemed sane. If I could function socially, they will eventually start reducing the amount of my medication and slowly start introducing me into normal every day activities. Once they found me to be mentally stable, I'd be transfered back to the women's penitentiary. Today I don't remember a lot about the women's penitentiary, but I seem to have a bad connotation about it. I don't want to go back there, but I did want social time.

I decided I would check out the social time today and see what it was like, and in the future, if they decide to send me back to the prison, I will pretend to be unstable again. The thought of playing these charades for twenty some years was unbelievably depressing.

Social time was from 2:00 p.m to 3:00 p.m. Lunch was at 11:30 a.m. I was laying in bed counting until I determined it was fairly close to 2:00 p.m.

I don't have a mirror in my cell, so I found myself unusually concerned about my appearance. I hadn't actually seen myself in months. It would be weird to interact with people again. I tried to smooth down my wavy hair as I waited for someone to come get me.

Someone finally arrived to take me to the lounge, as they called it. I was glad I had been taking my medicine, this experience may have otherwise been overwhelming.

I was released into the lounge and the door closed and locked behind me. There were three guards and one nurse who kept an eye on us. The lounge was kind of neat. There were chairs, couches, TV's, board games, books and a foosball table.

I sat down on the couch by myself and pretended to read a book while I observed everyone. Most of the people were fairly scary. There was an overweight younger guy playing with the foosball table but he was just pushing and pulling the handles really hard. An older lady was on the other side of the table playing with the foosball men, like literally fondling the little plastic guys. I made a mental note to steer clear of her. Other people were sitting around looking like they were minutes from killing themselves or someone else. There was a young blonde girl in the corner rocking back and forth and another little brown haired girl across the room that was staring at me and giving me the creeps.

Uh oh, the brown haired pixie was approaching me. I opened my book to the middle and started reading. There was a man and woman having sex in the book. I momentarily had the thought that I knew what that was like, but the pixie interrupted.

She sat down unusually close to me. She was a cute little thing if her stares weren't so creepy. It looked like she had product in her hair and it made me jealous. She suddenly stood up and circled me, staring at me really closely. She was completely freaking me out. I looked around for the nearest guard incase she tried anything funny. She eventually sat down next to me, in the same spot she started in. She crossed her arms and legs.

"YOU, are not supposed to be here," she said as a matter of fact.

"What?" I asked, thinking I may have misunderstood her.

"You are not supposed to be here," she said, turning away from me, like she was trying to be discreet.

"Yes, I am. It's 2:00 o'clock, social time. Dr. Cline said it was okay for me to come."

She let out a dramatic sigh. "I'm not talking about here in the lounge, stupid. You're not supposed to be in the hospital."

I was so confused. This chick was off her rocker. "What are you talking about?"

"Are you deaf?" she asked more quietly. "I said, you are not supposed to be here. You're here for the wrong reasons. I can't be caught talking to you about this, I'll never get out of here, just believe me."

The pixie stood and went back to the other side of the room where she came from. That was strange, I thought. I didn't know what she meant.

The rest of social time was uneventful. The pixie un-relentlessly stared at me from across the room while I read my book. I remember thinking it was a good book, but by the time I returned to my cell, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember what it was about. I was tired, and napped until dinner.

I hadn't taken my medication since last week. After I couldn't remember the book I was reading in the lounge, I knew the medication would make my memory foggy at best. I wanted to have a clear head to talk to crazy pixie girl.

I missed Edward this week. I had more memories of us. I missed the way he made me feel. I was sad that he never came for me. I missed my dad. I was so depressed with out my medication, but I vowed I would start taking it again after I figured out what was up with the pixie.

It was 2:00 p.m. on Wednesday. Social time. I got released into the lounge and immediately sought out the pixie. She jumped when I sat down next to her.

"Hey, I'm Bella," I said, extending a hand.

She didn't look at me. "I know who you are."

How did she know me? Did I know her? I racked my brain trying to conjure up a memory of her face, but I couldn't come up with anything. "I'm sorry, I don't remember you. Should I know you?"

The pixie laughed. "No, you don't know me. I'm Alice."

Okay. Man, I was confused. "So, how do you know me if I don't know you?"

Alice shook her head. "I can't tell you, they think I'm crazy," she whispered.

I scoffed. "Sounds like we have something in common."

She laughed too. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone, okay?"

I nodded my head but inside I was thinking about how stupid I was for letting this mentally unstable girl entertain me.

"I can see things, about people, about the future, about the past. Some people give off stronger vibes than others, yours are very strong, Bella."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"I don't know. I don't understand everything about my gift. I just know it's there and I know you are not supposed to be here. There's nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly sane."

That was reassuring. "Am I?" I asked. "Sometimes it's hard to tell."

Alice laughed. "It's the medication."

"I know, but it helps me forget."

Alice nodded. "Indeed it does. It makes my gift go away."

"It makes me forget my memories."

Alice nodded in understanding. "Sometimes it's better to forget."

I agreed.

"Why are you here, Bella?"

"I murdered my father," I said just above a whisper.

Alice giggled and I turned to face her, anger apparent on my face. "It's not funny."

"It is funny. Did someone actually believe you were capable of murdering someone?"

"Apparently so."

Alice shook her head. "You didn't do it."

"Then who did?"

Alice sighed. "It wouldn't help you right now if I told you. It would make you miserable. They would think you were even more crazy. She would see to it that you never got out."

"She?" I asked.

"I can't say anymore. You know, Bella. You know."

"Do you know if there is an Edward?"

Alice's head quirked to the side. "Is he the tall guy with the accent?"

My eyes grew large. Holy shit. She was for real. I nodded my head. "Why didn't he search for me?"

Alice looked down. "There's so much, Bella. I can't make sense of it all. He doesn't know. He doesn't know what happened. He's really depressed."

My heart hurt. Of course he wouldn't know. How could he.

"Do you think you could help me try to contact him?"

Alice shook her head. "I can't help you. I don't want to get involved. I'll never get out of here if they know I'm still seeing things. Just keep the faith, Bella. Keep your hopes up, and your eyes open. Try to stay off the medication. Don't let the bad memories win when there are so many beautiful memories to remember."

With that, she got up and moved to the other side of the room to read a book. I sat their stunned and confused.

I stayed off my medication for two more weeks. I was miserable. I remember every detail of Edward's scruffy face, his soft lips, his hands, the way they danced over the piano keys, the heart breaking sound of his voice when he sang, his laughter. Memories of him, while wonderful, were extremely hard to bare. Memories of what once were, and what would never be again, were too much handle. No matter how hard I tried and how long I stayed off my medication, I couldn't remember what happened to Charlie. All I remembered was waking up with the knife in my hand, the smell of the blood, the dry feeling in my mouth. I hated those memories.

My mom was visiting today. I had a lot of questions for her. I was tired of playing nice. I wanted answers.

"Hi, Bella!"

She greeted me when I entered the room. I sat across the table from her. "Okay, Mom. We don't have a lot of time. Cut the shit."

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"I remember things. You're not being honest with me about what happened."

"Bella, I don't know what you are talking about."

I sighed. "I remember that night. I had just told you and Dad that I was going back to London for Christmas. I blacked out and then woke up to you screaming. What happened when I blacked out?"

"Bella, you are confused. You don't know what you're talking about. You and your father were arguing about you leaving and I couldn't stand it anymore so I went out and met up with a girlfriend for a drink down at the Tavern and when I get home..." she pretended to get choked up. "When I got home, you were there, with Charlie."

I shook my head. It didn't make sense. Charlie was a veteran police officer. His gun is always on the end of the bar in the kitchen. How could I have fatally stabbed him?

"What happened after I hit my head, though? I got dizzy and I fell out of the chair. I hit my head on the tile floor..."

Renee shook her head. "I don't remember you hitting your head. Maybe you hit your head when you struggling with Charlie."

I sighed. This was useless. "Why do you continue to lie about Edward? Why do you lie to me all the time? There wasn't a trial, a jury didn't convict me. What was the evidence, why did my attorney feel so strongly about me accepting the plea?"

"Are you taking your medication properly?"

"Nope. I don't want to take it. What is it that you are so concerned about me remembering, Mom?"

"Bella, this is absurd!" She stood to leave. "I'm going to be speaking with your doctor this afternoon. You are out of control."

I stood too. "I didn't do it, and you know it!" I screamed after her. "I hate you!"

She kept walking and never looked back. I was quickly escorted back to my cell. Less than an hour later, I was being woken up and taken away by two male nurse's aides. I was taken to the clinic in one of the examining rooms. The put me on the table and strapped my arms and legs to the table. I couldn't move. Oh no. What were they doing to me.

"What's going on?" I asked.

They ignored me and were organizing some things on the surgical tray nearby. Dr. Cline walked in.

"Dr. Cline, what is going on?"

"Hi, Bella. I heard you've been giving your mother a hard time. If you cannot take your medication as it is prescribed, we will just have to do it the old fashion way," he said as he picked up a syringe and needle.

I started to scream and protest, but realized very quickly it was useless. I changed my demeanor, quickly. If I couldn't control taking my medicine, I was screwed. "Dr. Cline, I'm terrified of needles. I swear I'll take my medication. I promise. Please." He gave me a shot in my left arm. I immediately felt the effects of the medication. The ceiling tiles started to dance, like the snow on the TV when the cable goes out. I was relaxed and tired. Everything went black. Peacefully black.

***Author's Note: Hi! Some of you guessed where Alice would come into play! Sorry I didn't get two chapters posted this week, maybe next week if work gives me a break. We fast forward one year in the next chapter (from Edward's POV). Thanks for the reviews! 3

Also, Happy Water for Elephants premier day!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKr at gmail (dot) com


	16. Elusive Reality  Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

London, England - 2006

Edward's Story - One Year Later

Although nobody else would say so, I thought I was doing better. I was working full-time again. In fact, I was working all the time. I used work as a distraction. A distraction from her. My family and friends constantly told me how unhealthy my obsession with her was. I tried to call at random times throughout the year, holidays and whatnot. Eventually, her home phone was disconnected. I found an address and wrote to her, but I never received a response. A couple of months ago, just before the home phone was disconnected, I got an angry call from Jake. He threatened me and told me to stop bothering Renee or he would come after me. I thought it was humorous, but also a little strange. While he did say that Bella was never coming back to me, he didn't really mention anything else about her.

I was finally beginning to come to terms with the fact that she wasn't coming back. My family and friends constantly tried to get me out of the house and set me up with other women, but I wouldn't hear of it. Nobody compared to Bella, nobody. I didn't want anyone but her. Things really got bad when Rosalie found out that I had renewed Bella's lease on her flat and had been paying the rent so all of her things would still be there. In the year she had been gone, she never once returned for any of her belongings. In the months after she left, I would spend every spare minute of time I had at her flat, just thinking she would show up one day for her things, or that eventually a moving company would come to pack and ship her things, but it never happened. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper came together to try to get me some help. They suggested counseling even, but I laughed it off. I was fine, just heartbroken. Emmett started dating my sister, which was really weird, but they seemed to be really into each other. Jasper checked on me a lot. He found me at Bella's frequently. He was the one who finally convinced me to let her flat go, to clean out her things, ship them to her address in the states, and move on.

It was harder than I thought it would be. Bella haunted my dreams in the days leading up to the weekend I planned to pack up her things and turn in her key to the leasing agent. If it weren't for some of the things in her flat, I sometimes think it would be as if she never existed. If it weren't for our picture in the frame next to her bed, I sometimes think I'd forget what her brown eyes looked like, or the way she bit her lip when she was nervous. Every time I started to feel ready to move on, to let her go, she would appear in my dreams, hauntingly beautiful and so very real.

I felt her shuffle on the bed next to me, and then saw the light from the morning sun come in as she opened the curtains. She was wearing an ivory night gown that was practically see through with little spaghetti straps and a lace v-neckline. She was breathtaking. Her mahogany waves fell down her back and over her shoulders. "It's a beautiful day. The view from here is gorgeous," she said as she looked out the window. "Indeed it is," I responded, speaking of her, not the scenery. She turned and smiled at me, taking my breath away. The sun danced across her features and I stretched out my arms towards her. She slowly sauntered towards our bed. She reached out to touch me, but I couldn't feel her. When I reached for her hand, she wasn't there. "Don't forget me, Edward," she said as she was only inches from my face. I reached out for her again, but she was gone.

Dreams like those would set me back so far. It's impossible to describe the ache in my chest when I would see her in my dreams. It was like she was really there for a moment, only to be taken away from me again. If only she would've explained. If only I had some closure.

I shook the thoughts from my head. I had to do this. I had to move on. I had to let her go.

I took off work the following Friday to get her flat cleaned out. I was supposed to be packing things up at her flat, but I was more or less just going through her things. Seeing her clothes and smelling her shampoo, it killed me. I had only gotten two boxes packed when there was a pounding at the door.

"Edward! Are you in there?"

My sister. What the hell was Rose doing here. I sighed and went to open the door. She looked crazed.

"Rose, chill out. I'm packing her stuff up to send. See, I have two boxes already," I said, pointing next to the bed. I looked back at Rose. She looked sweaty and pale. "Are you okay?" I asked. She was breathing heavy, like she had been running.

"Edward, I know what happened to her," she panted.

"What are you talking about?"

"She killed her father. She's in prison."

"Who? Rose, who are you talking about?"

"Bella!" she screamed.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Are you out of your mind?"

She smacked me across the face. "No! I'm not out of my mind. I just ran six blocks from my international criminal law lecture, you ass hole!"

Okay, she was serious. "Can you elaborate?" I asked.

She stepped inside and threw her messenger bag on the bed, opening it and pulling out some printed information. "I was in lecture, and someone was giving a presentation, they were talking about plea bargains and when they're a good bargain and when they're not, they cited her case. They said her name, and cited the Circuit Court in Phoenix, Maricopia County. I ran to the library, I mean, how many Bella Swans can there be in Phoenix, right?"

She shoved the papers in my hand, I started to read the first article and then she took them from me, flipping several pages to a newspaper printout, with her picture. Isabella Swan Pleads Guilty and Takes Plea Bargain for the Murder of her Father. I was frozen. Not by the words on the page, but the terrified look in her eyes. I couldn't breathe. She looked terrified and confused. I couldn't make sense of all this. "What the fuck?" I asked Rose.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said sincerely.

I kept flipping through the papers. "No, I mean, this isn't right. She didn't kill her father. She would never do that. What was the date?"

"What?"

"What was the date of the murder!" I screamed.

Rose took the papers from me and flipped to one that was earmarked. "December 19, 2004."

I lost it. "God damn it!" I kicked my feet like a toddler throwing a temper-tantrum. I tore my hands through my hair. I couldn't believe it.

"What?" Rose asked as she backed away from me.

"This is bullshit! Her mom has something to do with this! Why would she lie? The last time I spoke to Bella was December 18, 2004. She sent me a text message sometime after Christmas saying she was back together with Jake. That couldn't have been her if she killed her father on the 19th. Her mother told me she was with Jake, too. She's trying to hide something."

"Edward, maybe you should calm down. You're getting a little ahead of yourself."

"No, I'm not! How did she do it?" I asked.

"She stabbed him," Rose said cautiously.

"Bullshit! Look at her!" I said pointing the paper with her picture on it. "She's tiny! How is she going to stab a fucking police officer to death? He couldn't defend himself against a 110 pound girl with a knife? Give me a break."

Rose stared at me blankly.

"I need access to this case. Let's go to the library."

"Edward, you can't go in there. You're not a law student."

"I don't care, I need to see everything."

"Edward, there's nothing to see. This is it. She plead guilty in exchange for a 20 year sentence, avoiding life and the death penalty. She claimed temporary insanity. She's in a mental hospital and has been since she accepted the plea. The case never went to trial."

I was sick to my stomach. This was too much to take in all at once. "I need some time to digest this. I'm going back to my flat. Do you mind if I keep these?" I said, referring to the information she brought.

"Of course; it's yours."

We left Bella's flat and I went back to mine. I spent the next four hours scouring the internet for any information about her case. Rose was right though, there wasn't much. Bella had one of the most well respected criminal defense attorneys in Phoenix, not just some court appointed attorney, the guy knew his stuff. There must have been some pretty significant evidence stacked up against her if her attorney felt the plea bargain was her best option. It still just didn't sit right with me. Bella wouldn't do this. I wouldn't believe it until I heard it from her mouth.

After doing a fair bit of research, I learned what hospital she was at and I attempted to call to see if I could speak with her.

"Maricopia County Mental Health this is Bree, how may I direct your call?"

"Yes ma'am, I'm trying to get in touch with a patient there. Isabella Swan."

"Just a moment, sir."

My heart started racing. Would it really be that easy? Would it really have been that easy all this time?

"I'm sorry, sir. She cannot accept phone calls."

Deflation. "Well what is your address? Can I write to her?"

"Let me check."

I heard her hitting some keys on her computer.

"No sir, she cannot accept mail either, I apologize. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Well who I can speak to on her behalf? I need to get in touch with her."

"I'm sorry, sir. I am unable to release that information."

I sighed, frustrated. "Thank you." I disconnected the call and the wheels started turning in my head. If I couldn't call her or write to her, I'd just have to go see her.

When I told my family that I was planning on going to the states to try to find Bella, they all thought I was crazy. Initially my father refused to allow me time off work, but after I begged and pleaded he finally relented, advising I could handle some of our accounts in the states while I was there. I agreed, immediately. We had several accounts in Los Angeles and I could easily stop by there on the way in and out of Phoenix.

I spent the next week doing even more research and working with a private investigator that I hired in Phoenix. I knew where Bella's mother lived. I knew where her father was buried. I knew where the hospital was in which Bella was sentenced. I knew the office in which her attorney worked. I knew how much money Renee inherited upon Charlie's death. When I felt like I had enough information, I booked my flight and my hotel. I was planning to stay at least a week in Phoenix and a week in Los Angeles. I packed my bags, and left London on a journey that would change my life forever.

***Author's Note: Sorry this one was a shorty, but the next one will make up for it! Thank you all for reading/reviewing. For those of you who have not already been out to see Water for Elephants, you must! It is absolutely stunning, by far the best movie I've seen in a while.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	17. Elusive Reality  Chapter 16

**Author's Note: I know some of you were concerned about the condition Bella would be in when Edward finally goes to try to find her... Keep in mind, a year has past for Edward, but he's just catching up to Bella. All of Bella's POV's were in 2006, so Edward is just catching up to her, she's not fast forwarding a year! Sorry if that is confusing. Enjoy!

CHAPTER 16

Phoenix, AZ - 2006 (Edward)

The flight to the states was uneventful. I spent a day in Los Angeles meeting with some clients before finally heading to Phoenix. When I got off the plane, I wanted to go straight to the hospital, but I decided I should wait until the following day since it was getting late.

I checked into my hotel at the Hilton. It was fairly nice. I got a suite, unsure if I would really only be here a week. I tossed and turned all night. I couldn't believe I was in the same city as her, only a few miles down the road from her. It was maddening. All this time, thinking she had returned to Jake, that she didn't want me.

It was then that I considered how she must feel, having never heard from me. I felt terrible for accepting what her mother had told me and giving up. I didn't believe for one second that Bella could kill her father. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. Something very fishy was going on, and I was determined to figure it out before I left.

I rented a car and was at the visitors entrance of the hospital by 9:00 a.m. the following morning. A small dark haired girl was behind the counter. Her name tag read Bree Tanner, the same girl I had spoken with on the phone.

"I'm here to see Isabella Swan."

"Just a moment, please." She typed some information into a computer.

"What's your name, sir?"

I hesitated for a moment. I didn't want her to know my name. "Jacob Black," I responded.

"I'm sorry, sir, you're not on the list of approved visitors."

"Approved visitors?"

"Yes sir."

I sighed. This was ridiculous. "I'd be able to visit her if she were in prison, why can't I here?"

"She's under the care of a physician and has a power of attorney for all healthcare and other decisions."

"Who is the power of attorney?"

"I cannot release that information, sir."

I hit the counter with my fist. Someone came up behind me and I moved out of the way and went back to my car. This was so frustrating. I contacted the PI I had worked with and got directions to Bella's mother's house. I'd just have to pay her a little visit.

The neighborhood was a little nicer than I expected, with all of Bella's talk about being a simple middle-class girl. These homes definitely looked a little more upper class in my opinion. I pulled into the driveway behind a black Mercedes. Interesting.

I knocked on the door. A man answered who looked familiar, but I couldn't quite remember where I had seen him before. He was casually dressed, but his face is what looked so familiar. It caught me off guard.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"I'm looking for Renee," I said in my best American accent.

He turned away from the door. "Honey, somebody's here to see you." He walked away. Honey? Bella's mom moved on pretty fast.

Renee walked down the foyer towards the open door and towards me. Bella must have gotten her good looks from her father. Her mother was just average in my opinion. Her skin was overly tan and her hair was short and wavy. She looked like she was trying to be younger than she really was.

"Yes, can I help you?" she asked.

I took a deep breath. "I'm Edward Cullen. I want to know what happened; I want the truth."

Her eyes grew large and she instantly started retreating from the door. "You have no business being here. I don't owe you an explanation for anything."

"Why did you lie to me, Renee? What are you hiding?"

"John!" She yelled for the man that answered the door, "Get him out of here!"

John? Jonathan Cope? Bella's defense attorney. That's why he looked familiar. Why on Earth was he at Renee's house? Why was he calling her honey? What the fuck is going on here? The pieces started to fall together as he came to the door and Renee told him who I was.

"You need leave," he told me.

I stood there speechless, looking at both of them. Eventually, words I wouldn't normally use, left my mouth. "Were you fucking him before, or after, he sent your daughter to prison?"

Renee's mouth fell open and John slammed the door in my face. I pounded on the door, demanded answers. When the police showed up, I relented, and left peacefully. I was so angry. Her mother definitely had something to do with this.

I met with the private investigator and told him of what I learned. He thought Cope was married, so he was going to look into it. In the meantime, I had to find a way to get to Bella. After a lot of thought, I knew the only way that I could do it legally and safely was to put Plan B into place. My father would be so angry. This would extend my stay in Phoenix indefinitely. I went to the business center in the hotel and got started.

I did all sorts of research on the hospital Bella was in and about the available positions within the facility, specifically within the psychiatric ward. I would just have to get a job there. I already had a work visa to be in the states, I just had to come up with a reason why I'd want to work in a hospital.

There only position that didn't require any previous training was a janitorial position in the psych ward, but it wouldn't give me any access to patients. I certainly wasn't going to school to be a registered nurse, I didn't have that kind of time. The only plausible option appeared to be a nurse's aide. It consisted of basically menial tasks such as food preparation, cleaning, delivering meals to patients, and transporting patients to various areas within the facility. It sounded exactly like what I needed. Now, I had to figure out how to get there. There was some sort of certification I had to get first. I did some research and discovered I just had to get CPR certified, take a class offered through the hospital for six weeks, and pass an exam. It sounded simple enough, with the exception of the six weeks. My dad was going to lose it. I had to get his approval before I moved forward, because I would need some financial assistance from him. I had plenty of savings, but it would run out quickly having to pay rent for a place here, paying Bella's rent in London and paying my regular bills. Plus, I needed a car. It was impossible to get around this city without a car. I wondered if I'd still get a paycheck from Cullen Enterprises. I was dreading the conversation I needed to have with my father.

"Hello, son."

"Hi, Dad. How are you?"

"As good as can be expected. Things are busy at work, but that's always a good thing. How are things in Phoenix?"

"They're good. I was in Los Angeles for a bit, things seem to be going well with the accounts there. I'm going to put a presentation together for WestCom to try to get some of their global accounts."

"Oh, that's great, son. We have been hoping to get some more of their business. You should definitely keep me posted on how the presentation goes."

"I will. I actually wanted to talk to you about something else."

"What's that?" he asked.

"Well, I think I may need to stay here a little longer than I expected."

"Why? How long?"

"Because I haven't been able to see her. They won't let me. Six to eight weeks."

I could hear my father nearly choke on whatever had just taken a drink of. "Six to eight weeks? Edward, that is a long time. Why so long?"

I sighed. This was the hard part. "Well, I'm going to try to get a job at the hospital she is in. It's the only way I can get access to her. I would have to take a six week course to even attempt to get a job."

There was a long pause. "Edward, have you lost your mind? What about your job? What about your career, everything you've worked so hard for? What are you going to do when you get in there? Break her out? End up in jail? This ludicrous, son. I cannot help you with this. I think you're in over your head."

Damn it. I sighed. "Dad, please. You don't understand. I would bet my life on the fact that she didn't murder her father. Something else is going on, please believe me. I mean, her freaking mother is sleeping with her defense attorney."

"Edward, I understand your concern, but I think this situation is bigger than you. Perhaps her mother and her attorney became close in the process, it happens."

"Or perhaps they were involved before it happened and that's why Bella agreed to such a ridiculous plea bargain."

"Really, Edward. I understand your concern, and I agree something does sound a bit, off, but what will really be the outcome of this? Best case scenario she hires a different attorney and they file an appeal, things like this could take months, even years to resolve."

I was deflated. He was right. This would be a long battle. I could hear my mother in the background pleading with my father.

"I understand that, but I'll never forgive myself if I don't try. You would do it for mom; you would do anything for her. Bella is to me what mother is to you. There will never be anyone else," I said solemnly.

"What if you're wrong, Edward?" he asked seriously.

"About what? I know that Bella is the only one for me."

"What if she killed her father. What if all this work is done in vain?"

"Then I know that I made every attempt to learn the truth, and I had closure, and I'll be able to move on."

He sighed, there was a long silence. "I'll have to discuss it with your mother and I'll get back to you."

Whew. "Thank you, Dad."

Although I didn't have the okay to proceed from my father, I knew it wouldn't matter. I also had a gut feeling that my mother would talk him into it. So, I continued with my plans. I spent the remainder of the day looking for a relatively cheap apartment to rent. I wasn't sure if I would still have an income, so I tried to be modest. I found a decent one bedroom apartment near the hospital. The place felt more like a resort than an apartment complex. There was a huge pool, and it was always sunny and warm. I signed a three month lease. Even if I wasn't here three months, it was cheaper to do it that way. I was scheduled to move into the apartment the following weekend.

After I had crossed that hurdle, it was getting late. I ordered some food to go and retired to my hotel for the evening. I later crawled into the oversized bed, alone. It was disgustingly lonely here, lonelier than in London. I couldn't shake the thought that she was only a few miles away, alone and scared in an unfamiliar place.

Early the following morning, I heard from my father. He agreed, only if I continued to work on expanding our U.S. accounts. I would still get a pay check, and somehow I would have to juggle two jobs eventually, but it would be worth it.

I quickly researched the best way to go about getting this certification I needed. There were some private places that did it in four weeks, or I could go directly through the hospital and I would likely have a greater chance of being hired on after the class. The next class started in two weeks. It was quite a set back, but it gave me time to get a few more things in order.

I started researching criminal defense attorneys and also had my private investigator researching as well. I knew I'd eventually have to hire an attorney for Bella, depending on what happened when we spoke. God, the thought of talking to her again, of hearing her voice, of seeing her smile, the wait was pure torture. I wondered if she would be happy to see me, or angry that I hadn't come for her sooner. There was so much gray area, so many misunderstandings and unanswered questions. I hated the unknown.

I spent a few days in Los Angeles and then returned to Phoenix and moved into my apartment. It was actually quite nice, just on the small side, but I was fairly used to that from staying at Bella's place. It was just a one bedroom on the first floor, but it looked out at the pool and it had upgraded carpets and an upgraded kitchen. I had to buy a bed. Shopping for a mattress was bittersweet. I wish Bella was with me to pick out the bed. I tried to pick one similar to hers, similar to the one we picked out in London. The one I finally decided on wasn't perfect, but it would do. I also bought a couch, a coffee table, and a small flat screen TV. I had the necessities, and a few luxury items. I spent the weekend getting settled and making sure everything was in line with the class at the hospital. Apparently, I got the last spot in the class.

I gave a few big presentations in Los Angeles the following the week and secured three new accounts. It satisfied my father for the time being and I hoped it was enough to hold him over. My class was in the evening, so if I had to be in Los Angeles during the day, I could make it work.

Three weeks into the class I was bored and mentally and emotionally exhausted. I was by far the only educated person in the class. I knew everything they were teaching, it was common sense in my opinion. Other students thought it was rocket science. I was exhausted because I was constantly flying back and forth between L.A. and Phoenix. I was up all hours of the night working on presentations and bids for new business. If I wasn't required to be in that class every single night, I wouldn't be.

The highlight of the class came during the final week. We got a very thorough tour of the facility. I was certain I had to of walked past Bella's room at some point, we had covered every square inch of the hospital. I was constantly trying to spin my head around in circles checking every room, but we were going too fast and I couldn't tell. There were multiple long haired brunette's sound asleep in their beds, or doing other strange things in their beds. It killed me that one of them was Bella and I didn't recognize her. I got home that night and was frustrated. I was so close. What if I didn't get a job? What if they didn't hire me and I never had access to her again? What if that was my only chance and I blew it? I didn't sleep at all, not only because of the frustration with my situation, but because there was clearly some sort of domestic dispute going on in the apartment above mine. I almost felt like I had to get out of bed and intervene. Clearly a girl was getting knocked around. Just when I got up and put some clothes on I heard the door upstairs slamming and footsteps down the stairs, but they seemed to stop short. I cautiously stepped out my front door and immediately heard the sobs of a young lady. I stepped around the front of the stairwell and immediately recognized the young girl. Bree Tanner. I wasn't sure if she remembered me as Jacob Black, or Edward Cullen. We had been introduced on a few occasions while I was in class.

"Bree?"

She looked up and I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Her face was tear stained and her lip was bleeding profusely. Her right eye was red and quickly swelling.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "Aren't you in the NA class?"

"Yes, Edward Cullen. I guess we're neighbors."

"I guess so."

"Are you alright?"

"Do I look like I'm alright?" she asked sarcastically.

I shook my head. We both glanced up towards her door when we heard something slam against it. She quickly got up and ran down the stairs. "We have to get out of here. He'll kill me, and you, if he sees me with you."

"Who?"

"James, my boyfriend. He gets like this when he's drunk. We have to go."

We? I wasn't going anywhere. "Why don't you come inside my place and we'll get your face cleaned up, okay?"

She cautiously nodded her head and followed me inside. I turned the lights on and started to lead her into the bathroom.

She laughed, "I know where it is, it's the same layout upstairs, genius."

"Oh, right."

She went to the bathroom and when she came back she looked cleaned up but her lip was still gushing blood.

"Let me take a look at it," I offered.

She removed the bloody paper towel. There was a large gash in her lip. "I think you need stitches, it's really deep."

She shook her head profusely.

"Why not?" I asked.

"They'll ask questions and I don't have any money or insurance or anything. I can't."

I sighed. "Well, put some ice on it and apply pressure." I made her a little bag of ice. She looked terrified.

"Where are you from? Why do you have an accent?"

I forgot I tried to sound American at the hospital. I didn't want anyone to inquire about my background.

"I'm from London."

"Why are you here?" she asked.

I ran my hands through my hair. "It's a long story."

"I've got time."

I thought momentarily. I could certainly use her help down the road, she had access to things I needed access to. I felt bad for her, she could barely be 18 years old. "I'll tell you what, I'll drive you to the emergency room and get a doctor to take a look at that. We'll say you fell or something and busted your lip. I'll pay for it, and I can fill you in on my story on the way."

She pulled the ice and paper towel from her lip, it was all blood covered and a trail of blood went down her chin and neck, getting on her shirt. She sighed, "Okay, I guess. Are you sure? I mean, it will be expensive, this isn't the first time..." she trailed off.

"I'm sure. Why do you stay with him?"

"James is all I have."

"You have a job, why do you need him?"

"He's taken care of me since I was 15. He controls my money. He's all I have. He's just upset. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, let's go." I grabbed the keys to the rental car and we cautiously exited the complex separately.

It was a long drive to the hospital across town. She didn't want to go to the one nearby where she worked. Even though it was a completely different area of the hospital, she was afraid someone would find out and she would lose her job.

I began from the beginning and started telling her about Bella and I. Half way through I paused. "I don't know if I should actually be telling you all of this."

She grabbed my arm. "You have to finish! Did she ever come back after Christmas?"

I looked at her, her eyes were wide, like she was on the edge of her seat, as if nobody had ever told her a story before. I laughed at her excitement. "You have to promise you cannot tell anyone, especially at work."

She gave me a questioning look. "I promise!"

I continued. I told her the truth. Why I was confiding in her, I didn't know. I think I was hoping she would take pity on me and help me out.

When I finished, she sat there with her mouth open. "I remember you. Before, you were in class, you were looking for her."

I nodded my head.

She looked out the window. "I remember hearing about that on the news. My older sister went to high school with her. I think everyone had a hard time believing it, but she pleaded guilty."

"I think she was coerced."

"How will you prove it?" Bree asked.

"I'm still working on that."

"That's so sad, if she didn't do it and she has to be stuck in that hospital..."

I nodded in agreement.

"I bet she misses you."

I looked at Bree, but couldn't speak. Fortunately, we arrived at the hospital at the same time, effectively ending our conversation.

Bree got all stitched up and after some uncomfortable questions we both left. I, unfortunately, left with $1,200 less than I started with. Healthcare in the states was outrageous.

"I'll try to pay you back little by little. I told you it would be a lot."

She looked like she really felt bad. "It's okay, don't worry about it."

"But I feel terrible. You don't even know me, why would you help me?"

"I'm just that kind of person."

She sighed and looked out the window, seemingly in thought.

"Maybe I could help you," she said turing to face me suddenly.

She played right into my plan. I went along with it. "How?" I asked, confusion apparent in my voice.

"With Bella. I mean, I could get access to her records, get you some information that might help you, nothing too crazy, I cannot lose my job, but I could see what I could do."

"You would do that for me?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "It's the least I could do. Oh, and I'm good friends with someone in HR, I can let her know about your application, I can talk you up, make sure you get hired, you just have to do good on the certification exam."

"I can do that. I'd really appreciate any help you can give me."

She smiled and nodded her head. "I'd love to help!"

"You have to keep it quiet, though, you know?"

She nodded her head eagerly. "I understand." She grabbed my arm. "It'd be so great if you can prove she didn't do it and get her out of there! You're like her prince charming!"

I laughed. "I guess so, if it works."

"It will. You have to stay positive!"

We returned to the apartment complex a few minutes later.

"Are you sure you're okay to go back up there?" I asked.

She looked scared. "I'm sure. He's probably passed out now."

"Well, put my number in your phone, just in case you need anything."

I recited my phone number and she quickly typed it into her phone. "Thank you for everything tonight, Edward. Bella is a lucky girl."

I smiled. "You're welcome. I'll probably see you tomorrow."

She nodded her head and exited my apartment. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. All was quiet upstairs. I couldn't understand how such a seemingly sweet young girl got caught up in an abusive relationship. Sometimes girls could be so dumb. Fortunately, for me, this girl was going to be of great use to me.

***Author's Note: I'm sooooo sorry this is so late. The past few weeks have been completely insane and drama filled in my real life. Things should be calming down now, so regular updates should be back! Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for the wonderful reviews!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

My Blog: twisagagrl118 (dot) blogspot (dot) com


	18. Elusive Reality  Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

I was horribly groggy and out of focus since I had my medication injected. I guess it will take my body some time to get used to it again. Both fortunately, and unfortunately, they haven't given me anymore injections, but my medication is now in liquid form. It's this nasty white liquid that comes in a cup and the nurse's aide stands there and watches me drink the two teaspoons until it's gone. There's no way to hide it. I couldn't if I tried. It was so vulgar tasting that I nearly gagged every time. I had to just swallow it as fast as I could.

At least I still remember Edward. I still remember Alice. Things are still foggy at best, but I know he was real and I know Alice confirmed it. The medication made me so tired and dazed that I just usually didn't care enough to try to remember, it's not that I couldn't, I just didn't try. I would get easily frustrated trying to remember things that I knew happened but couldn't quite remember or picture. I had been trying to read over the notes I made about Edward and my dad twice a day. If I could keep them part of my daily routine, I could remember better.

I had another evaluation with Dr. Cline. This one was, different, to say the least. I didn't have any forms to fill out, no surveys, just a lot of questions. I couldn't determine what he was getting at and what answers he wanted. I wasn't sure if he was testing me to make sure I was on my medication, or if he wanted the truth.

"Now, Bella, tell me what really happened that night. It won't change anything, what's done is done."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I really don't remember." It was the third time I told him that I didn't remember. He was getting frustrated with me.

"Well, tell me the last thing that you do remember."

"Don't you already know all of this? Isn't written down in my file somewhere?" I asked. I hated re-living it.

"I want to hear it from you," he responded. He was walking around his desk, pacing.

I sighed. My memory was foggy today due to the medication. I struggled to remember exactly what happened. "I just remember that we were having dinner, and I was telling them that I was going back to London. I was not going to stay for Christmas. They got upset. I don't remember how it came up, but I accused my mom of sleeping around on my dad, and then I just fainted or something. I hit my head. That's all I remember until I woke up to my mom screaming at me and dad was gone, the knife was in my hand." I took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. His next questions alarmed me.

"Did your mother often cheat on your father?"

"In my opinion, yes."

"How long had that been going on?" he asked.

I shrugged again. "As long as I can remember."

He seemed to think about that for a moment.

"Do you know who your mother is seeing these days?"

"I have no idea. She doesn't exactly talk to me about that. Why are you so concerned about my mom?"

He answered nonchalantly and sat down, "I was just curious. If I'm going to help you, I have to know more about you."

I didn't respond, and waited for him to continue.

"Do you remember why you did it?"

I shook my head. "There's nothing my dad could have ever done that would have been bad enough that it would make me want to hurt him like that."

"What about him forbidding you to return to London to see your boyfriend."

My ears shot up, like a dog hearing a familiar noise. "My boyfriend? Edward?"

He nodded.

What the fuck? "You told me Edward didn't exist. Which is it?" I asked.

"Oh." He started fumbling with papers on his desk. He messed up. Why was he previously trying to trick me? Why was everyone telling me Edward wasn't real when I, and everyone else, know that he is? "I guess I just didn't realize that was his name."

I didn't respond.

"So, could that have been why you did it?" he continued.

I shook my head again. "It wouldn't have mattered. I was an adult. I was paying for it. He couldn't hold me hostage. He could be mad at me, but he couldn't prevent me from returning to London. It certainly wouldn't have been a reason to want to kill my father."

Dr. Cline seemed to think this over. His cell phone started to ring. "That's all for now, Ms. Swan." He walked to the door and opened it. "Mr. Jones will escort you back to your room."

Weird. That was really weird. I wonder what he was trying to get out of that. I tried to walk as slowly as possible back to my room. "Mr. Jones" didn't seem to be in a hurry either. We passed through the visitors entrance area where the reception girl was awfully smiley today. She looked sort of familiar, but I couldn't place her. We started down the wing where my cell was and there was some commotion at the end of the hall. The nurse's aides were dragging someone, Alice. They were dragging Alice backwards, towards her cell. She was fighting them and screaming. I got to my room and Mr. Jones and I stood outside the door watching the scene unfold. She saw me. Her eyes widened. She kicked harder. "Bella! Bella! He's here! He's coming for you! I saw it!"

My breath caught. My heart stopped. Mr. Jones urged me into my cell and shut the door. Alice's screams grew quiet. Could she be serious? Was he coming? What did that mean? He couldn't see me here. He couldn't see me like this. I look nothing like the normal girl who disappeared from his life over a year ago. I didn't know what to do or how to feel. Maybe I shouldn't believe everything Alice says, after all, she's just as crazy as I am. I welcomed my evening dose of medicine. I craved the numbing feeling it brought with it. I didn't want to feel anymore. Hope was something you just cannot have in a place like this. Hope would break you. Hope would only let you down. I pushed all the hopeful thoughts away, and let the darkness seep in.

Author's Note: I'm sorry, I know this one is a super shorty, but the next one will be better and I'll try to post it this weekend (which is in a few days...!) Thank you all for hanging in there w/ this story and reviewing! 3 3


	19. Elusive Reality  Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

Phoenix, AZ - 2006 (Edward)

Bree was an angel. I aced the certification exam and had a job the following day. I chose to work the afternoon and evening shifts so I could still shuffle back and forth from Los Angeles to Phoenix when necessary. I had learned more about Bella's situation the first week on the job than I ever thought possible, mostly thanks to Bree. I had initially been working in the food prep area just doing basic training stuff. I hadn't actually gotten out on my own yet, so I still hadn't seen Bella. Thanks to Bree, I knew what room she was in. It was terrifying. I had no idea what she would think or do if she saw me. Bree warned me that most all of the patients are on some serious medications and that most of them walk around like zombies.

She startled me in the break room one afternoon. "Hey!" She said, grabbing my arm. "Have you talked to her yet?"

I spun around, slightly startled. Bree sat down at the table next to me. She had a new bruise on her wrist. "Why do you let him do that to you?" I asked as I glared at the new addition.

She immediately put her hands under the table. "It was my fault. It's nothing, really. Have you talked to her?" she asked, changing the subject.

"No," I responded. "I'm scared and I just haven't been working in her wing."

Bree scoffed. "You cannot be scared! This is why you are here! You came all this way to find out the truth. You have turned your world upside down for this girl. You have to talk to her!"

"I will, I just haven't yet. It's nerve wrecking."

She sighed. "I know. I have to get back. You better not talk to me again until you've done it."

I laughed. "Okay."

I had twenty minutes left on my break. All I could think about was Bella. Bree was right, I needed to get it over with. I needed to see her.

I nonchalantly wandered to her wing, passing Bree as I went. She had a big grin plastered on her face. I noticed a nurse a few rooms down from where I suspected Bella was. I didn't have any business being there this time of day and she would question me.

I went back to Bree and asked if she could distract the nurse. She eagerly agreed, and before I knew it the nurse was walking through the lobby to the right wing to tend to a sick patient.

I took a deep breath and walked down the hall. It was a long hallway, all white and steel, cold. Room 118. I took a deep breath before I turned to look in through the glass of the door. All I could see was her long mahogany hair falling down her back and over the side of her small bed. Her hair had to be nearly six inches longer than the last time I had seen her. She was laying on her stomach, likely asleep.

"Bella?" I said softly.

She didn't respond.

"Bella?" I tried again, a little louder.

Nothing.

I glanced down the hall in the direction I came from. Bree was keeping watch out. "Use her last name!" She whisper-yelled to me.

"Swan!" I said, louder and frustrated.

She popped right up. She stretched her arms out over her head and let out a funny little noise before turning around, "Is it dinner already?" she asked.

My breath caught. It had been so long since I'd heard her voice or seen her face. She looked very different, but still Bella. Her hair was long and out of control. Her skin was pale and lackluster. Her big brown eyes were glassy and distant. She stood and walked to the door with her hand out.

"It's not dinner time," I told her.

She retracted her hand, slight recognition playing on her face. Her head tilted back and forth as she took me in. I reached my hand through the slot in the door. She stepped back and away. Her face was full of confusion. "Do I know you?" she asked tentatively.

Emptiness. Suffocation. I wanted to be sick. How could she not remember me? How could I have left everything for a girl who didn't remember me? I retracted my hand and walked quickly away. She yelled at me to come back, but I was gone.

"What happened?" Bree asked as I stormed past her.

"Nothing. Nothing happened. I'm going home."

"Home? Like, to your apartment?" she followed behind me.

"No, home, like to London."

She grabbed my arm, effectively stopping me. She was small, but strong. "You cannot leave!"

"She doesn't remember me!" I screamed at her and pushed her hand away. "Leave me alone!"

"Edward!" She yelled. "Stop! You don't understand!"

I turned before entering the men's locker room.

"I told you, they're heavily medicated. She doesn't even know her name. She'll remember if she stops taking her medicine."

I was frustrated and hurt. I pushed the door open. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said, as I went into the locker room to get my things and go back to my temporary home.

Two days later, when I arrived to work, Bree asked me to come by her desk when I had a chance. I didn't have a chance until I was leaving, at nearly 6:00 p.m. She was speaking to a guest, so I waited to the side of the reception desk. I noticed she casually pushed a small envelope in my direction. I picked it up, noticing it carried some weight. She casually shooed me away. I went to my car to go home and opened the envelope. There was a note and a key inside.

This is the key to Dr. Cline's office. Her file is in there, as are answers. He leaves at 4:00 p.m. every day like clockwork. Don't get caught.

My heart was racing. There had to be answers in her file. I hadn't seen her since our first encounter, but maybe knowing what she was up against would help me to understand. I checked the clock. It was just after 6:00 p.m. The administrative offices should be fairly empty by now. I went back inside and smiled to a busy Bree. I headed to the other end of the hospital and turned my ID badge around so people couldn't tell I didn't belong. The area was mostly deserted but I lingered around the water fountain outside his office before the hallway was all clear.

I slipped inside his locked office without being notice. I closed and locked the door behind me and was grateful the filing cabinets were clearly labeled and alphabetized. I found her file quickly and started flipping through the pages. I jotted down the name of two medications she was on, I had no idea what they were, but I would find out later. There was a folded piece of yellow legal paper loosely in the file. I unfolded it and noticed notes haphazardly written down about Renee and Bella. I couldn't really make since of them and didn't know what it meant.

I found her power of attorney, it was Renee, as I figured. Renee wouldn't allow any incoming or outgoing mail and no visitors, except herself. I spent nearly an hour reviewing her file and memorizing as much as I could. The sun had started to set and I noticed a glowing coming from the doctor's desk. I walked around the back of the desk, surprised to see his computer monitor on with several programs open. The window on top was his Outlook email. I didn't think much of it until I saw a familiar name. Renee Swan.

I couldn't help myself. I sat down and started reading. The doctor and Renee had shared numerous emails back and forth, and while they appeared to correspond in code, it was apparent they were somehow involved with each other at some point.

I fowarded the emails to a personal dummy account I created and then deleted the evidence. I went home with the notes I had made and got to work on finding out what it all meant.

I read through every email between Renne and Dr. Cline. They definitely had more than a professional relationship but I'm not sure about the extent of it.

I also researched the medications they were giving Bella. One was a high dose of an anti-depressant and the other was a new experimental drug that aided in ridding the mind of painful memories. From what I could understand the studies were on-going and mostly being performed on members of the armed forces who were suffering from post traumatic stress disorders.

The combination of the two drugs seemed like enough to make a person crazy if they were not already.

Two weeks passed before I was on my own at work so to speak, meaning I wasn't really training with anyone anymore. I was delivering dinner and meds to Bella's wing. The medications were provided to me by one of the nurses. My cart was full of dinner trays and little clear plastic cups with various shades of pills and liquids. One guy tried to spit his liquid medication out in my face, fortunately there was glass between us. I had to call a nurse and janitor to deal with him and the mess. Fortunately they were busy with the patient and not paying attention to me. Bella's room was next. I hadn't seen her since our first and only encounter.

I was surprised to find her already waiting at her door for her dinner. We made eye contact and a frustrated sigh escaped her.

"What is it?" I asked.

She bit her bottom lip and shyly looked away. My heart swelled. I missed that.

"It's just. You..." She started and stopped several times before she got out what she was trying to say. "Am I really fucking crazy, or are you...Edward?" My name left her lips as barely a whisper. I couldn't help but smile.

"You remember?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "I don't understand. Why are you here? Edward lives in London and he works for his dad's company," she said as she looked down at a piece of paper.

I sighed. "I'm that Edward. It's me, Bella."

Her eyes flew to mine when I said her name, recognition dawning. Her chest started rising and falling at an elevated pace, but she wasn't speaking. She reached for her cup of medication. "I need that," she said.

"No, flush it. This shit is dangerous." I looked up and down the hall to make sure nobody was paying attention to me.

"It calms me down," she said breathless. Was she having a panic attack?

"Why are you upset? Take a deep breath."

She grabbed the plastic cup from ledge it was sitting on in the frame of the hole in the door. I started to protest and reached for her hand when she turned and poured it in the toilet quickly. She returned to the door. Her breathing slowed slightly. "Why are you here? Why are you working here?"

I took a deep breath and blew it out as I ran my hands nervously through my hair. "For you. This is the only way I could see you."

Her breath hitched. "I don't know what's real anymore," she whispered.

I could hear a nurse approaching. "Tell me the truth; did you kill your father?" I asked. I had to know.

Our eyes met and she stared at me inquisitively, as if she were trying to figure out the correct answer. She looked down, "I don't remember."

A strangely masculine female voice interrupted us. "Pick up the pace, Cullen. You're running behind," the lead nurse said as she walked past me. I pushed the tray through to Bella and could see tears forming in her eyes. I didn't know what they meant. Was she feeling guilty? Did she murder Charlie? Did she feel bad that I was there? Did she know I was wasting my time?

"I'm not the girl you remember." She took her tray and turned to go sit on her bed. She never looked back up at me. My heart shattered and all the air left my lungs.

I pushed on, dejected. I hurriedly delivered dinner and medication to the remaining rooms on my assigned wing, hardly paying attention as to whether or not they took their medication. I was startled by the girl in the very last room as I pushed the tray through the opening in the door.

"Oh, you made it! This is wonderful!" the girl beamed. She took her tray with one hand and her cup of medication with the other. She walked away from the door and emptied the pills that were in the cup into the toilet. She handed me the empty cup. "Sooo, did you talk to her? Does she know you are here?"

What the fuck was she talking about? How did she know? My God, this place can make a sane person crazy. "What are you talking about?" I asked curiously.

"Don't play dumb, Edward. You came for, Bella."

Her words made my chest constrict. "Who are you? How do you know me?"

She stuck her small hand through the slot in the door. "I'm Alice. I just, see things, you know," she said pointing to her head after we shook hands. "She's just confused with all the medication right now, give her some time. She DID NOT murder her father."

"Okay," I said as I walked off pulling at my hair. I went to ask Bree if she knew anything about "Alice", but she was already gone for the day.

When I picked up Bella's tray, thirty minutes later, it was still full of food and she slipped me a hand written note. With tears in her eyes, she returned to her bed and didn't speak to me. I went to the men's locker room to read it in private.

Edward,

I'm sorry. I'm so confused. My head hurts. I don't understand why you are here now. Where have you been? I don't know who I am anymore. You shouldn't turn you life upside down for me. I'm not worth it. If you really are as incredible as my vague memories make you out to be, you have so much potential without me. I really don't remember what happened with my father. My heart tells me I'm not capable of such a thing, but the evidence apparently says otherwise. I miss what we were. It will never be the same. I will never be the same. Please, go home, live your life. I'm trapped here. Nothing will ever change. Nobody believes me.

Bella

I was so frustrated. I folded her note up and put it in my pocket. I went back out the reception area and asked the lady behind the desk for a pen and paper.

Bella,

Don't be ridiculous. You're not thinking clearly. Give yourself some time to come off the medication. Do whatever you have to do to not take it. You will be able to think more clearly without it. You have no idea what is going on outside of this hospital. I believe you. You did not murder your father. I am here to help you. I will learn the truth. I'm in the process of finding you a new attorney. These things take time, but I'm not giving up. I can't. I miss what we had so much it hurts. I'm not giving up on you. Stay strong, for me. I'll see you soon.

Edward

I returned the pad of paper and pen to the reception desk. "Had to make my grocery list before I forgot," I said politely to the older lady I did not recognize. She smiled and continued her work. I was supposed to be in the kitchen cleaning up, but I made a quick trip down the hall to give Bella the note I had written her. She was sleeping soundly, so I pushed it through the slot in the door until it fell to the floor. She would find it when she woke.

I sighed, and watched her sleep for a few minutes. It looked as if she were dreaming, a bad dream, perhaps. She began to stir, her eyes closing tighter. I wish things were different. How did all of this happen? She was so bright and had an amazing future ahead of her before all of this. She deserves so much more. I had so many dreams for us, but this was not one of them. I knew being here was risky. I knew I was putting my life on hold to pursue something I wasn't sure I could conquer. However, watching her sleeping and not being able to touch her, not being able to take her pain away and make everything better, it was my motivation. I could never return to London and maintain any sort of normalcy in my life knowing she was here in this hell hole. It would be impossible. Her pain is my pain. I would never be able to do it, it would be a miserable existence I wasn't ready to give into. If it took all the time and all the money in the world, I would set her free.

****Author's Note: Yay! I actually updated when I said I would! :) Thank you all for the lovely reviews! For those of you who missed the MTV Movie Awards...they are definitely a must see! Best award show ever and best Rob ever! Hopefully the next chapter will be posted next weekend, assuming this 6 day work week doesn't slaughter me and I actually find time to write. 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

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	20. Elusive Reality  Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Phoenix, AZ - 2006 (Edward)

The next few weeks flew by. I hadn't been to Los Angeles as much as I should have and normally I could do some video conferencing from home, but I had been so consumed with everything Bella that I hadn't been keeping up.

I found an attorney who agreed to represent Bella, a good attorney. Jason Jenks. I had my PI run a bunch of background information on him. I wanted someone who had absolutely no ties to the Swan family, the police department, the Cope family or the Cline family. I wanted someone objective, fair and reasonable, who was also aggressive. Jenks was all of those thinks.

I met with him last week and signed the retainer agreement. Bella also had to sign it, which I was a little concerned about. When she signed it, she would see that I had put down a $10,000 retainer fee and I would be required to pay $525 for every hour worked thereafter. I knew her freedom was worth it, but she would likely think otherwise.

Bella's only real freedom in that hospital of hell is that she is allowed to request a meeting with her attorney, and that is what she did. She had to notify him that she was hiring another attorney to replace him. Jenks was filing the motion to make the change, but Cope had to sign off on it. I spoke with Bella briefly following her meeting and what she relayed back to me was slightly alarming.

"He was so strange, Edward. Like he was nervous about something. He asked me a million questions. I didn't answer any of them. He asked if I had spoken with you or Renee. He asked about my medication, Dr. Cline, everything. He asked how I was paying for a private defender and how I could afford an appeal. He knows something is up, and he isn't happy about it," she said.

I assured her everything would be fine. The first order of business, after the judge signed the motion to change attorneys, was to modify Bella's power of attorney and get a complete and objective mental evaluation after she had been free of medication for eight weeks.

Eight weeks felt like it would be forever. Her power of attorney could not be modified until they deemed her sane and in her right mind to make those decisions on her own. Once the power of attorney was modified, I could quit my job at the hospital. Bella would be able to have visitors during visitation hours, she could make her own decisions, receive mail, make phone calls, etc.

The only downside to all of this is that if she is deemed mentally stable and competent, she will likely be transfered back to the women's state penitentiary. I knew she wouldn't like that, so I hadn't exactly told her.

When Jenks went to meet with Bella, I posed as his assistant so I could be there as well. I wore a suit and glasses and kept my head down so people wouldn't recognize me. Bree, of course, was in on the plan and let us back to the visitation room without question. It was the first time I would be in the same room with her. I was kind of nervous. The attendant escorted her in and then left. The guard waited outside. We were alone, with the exception of Jenks, who was acting like he wasn't in the room.

Bella was still cuffed at the wrists and ankles, standard procedure. We just stood there staring at each other for a moment. I think we were both holding our breath. She spoke first when a little giggle escaped her when she exhaled, "Touch me, please."

I let go of the breath I was holding and took the few steps over to her. She was bound, but I pulled her into my chest and hugged her as tight as I could. I began to feel her chest heaving and heard her sniffling, I knew she was crying. I reluctantly pulled back to see her face; it felt so good to hold her again. "It's okay," I tried to comfort her.

She raised her bound hands to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "It's just so surreal, that you're here. You feel the same, you smell the same. I remembered what that felt like. It used to be familiar to me." She leaned forward into my chest and her small hands gripped the fabric of my shirt. I attempted to inhale her scent, but it wasn't quite there the way I remember it. The smell of strawberries on her hair was no longer present, but she was still my Bella.

Jenks cleared his throat to get our attention. "I'm sorry, but we don't have much time." Bella and I separated and sat down.

Jenks introduced himself and told Bella the plan, we still left out the part about going back to prison. All that was left was getting Bella's signature on the retainer agreement. I pointed where she should sign and handed her the pen, hoping she wouldn't really look at it. I should've known better.

"Edward!" She looked at me, her big brown eyes staring at me in shock. "You cannot do this. This is way too much. I'll never be able to repay you!"

"It's already done, Bella. Sign it."

"What if this doesn't work. What if you're wasting all this money on me? This is a lot of money. Appeals take a lot of time. This is only the beginning. I cannot let you do this. Your parents would never forgive me. This is wrong."

Jenks spoke up. "Bella, just based on what I already know, and the evidence Edward's investigator has obtained, the appeal really looks promising. I feel very confident that your plea will be thrown out and you will get a jury trial."

She couldn't take her eyes off the dollar amount on the paper. She was silent for several minutes.

I covered her cold hand with my own and gave it a gentle squeeze. "This is our only chance. You're worth it to me, please, Bella."

Bella sighed and looked at me. "I promise I'll pay you back, one day. It may take forever, but I will."

I shook my head at her nonsense. Didn't she understand that having her back would be like winning the lottery. Money was nothing to me if I didn't have her to spend it on. "We'll talk about it," I said. I handed the pen to her, "Sign it."

Bella took a deep breath and signed the retainer agreement just as the attendant stepped in and advised us time was up. We didn't get a proper goodbye because I didn't want him to notice me. I felt defeated. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I probably wouldn't be able to touch her again like that for eight weeks. It was depressing, but I knew this was a step in the right direction.

Three weeks in to our eight week wait, I unexpectedly had to return to London per my father's insistency. We had a competitor making a bid for one of our largest accounts and he demanded my assistance and presence when we made a counter-presentation. I didn't even get a chance to tell Bella and I knew she would become concerned if she didn't see me. I knew I'd be gone at least two weeks, and that is if things went well. I hated to leave Bella unexpectedly but this was one of our largest accounts. I had to show my dad I was still serious about working for him. As the reality of how much it would truly cost to pay for all of Bella's legal fees set in, I knew I needed to stay on his good side so I could continue to get a paycheck. Although I know my family is wealthy beyond my imagination, we lived moderately. I had never written a check for ten grand before. Not only do I want to be able to do and spend whatever I need to in order to prove Bella's innocence, but once she is free, I still want to be able to give her everything she thought she'd never have.

I was on the red eye to London. The lights were dimmed and everyone around me was passed out. I got out the pen and paper I had brought with me and began writing to Bella.

Bella,

You may be wondering why you haven't seen me the past few days. I got called back to London. We got a competing bid on a large account and Dad is freaking out about it. I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye; it was fairly short notice. I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm not sure I will still have my job by then, but hopefully your power of attorney will be changed soon enough and it won't matter.

There's something I haven't told you. Do you remember your flat? Do you remember how small, yet cozy it was? You were always so proud of it. It's still yours. I couldn't bear to let it go. It reminded me so much of you. When I was there, I felt closer to you. When things got tough, I stayed there many nights. For the longest time, I didn't move anything. I left everything as you had it. The weekend I learned about what really happened to you, I was planning on packing up all of your things and shipping them to you. The lease was up and I was going to let you and the flat go, but fate intervened.

I'll forever regret that I believed your mother and didn't come after you sooner. I'm so sorry for all the time we've lost. It's my fault for not trusting enough in what we had. Your mother was just so convincing, and you never returned. You never called. I never in a million years would've dreamed something like this had happened to you.

I'll be back soon and we'll be closer to your freedom and our return to what we left behind. Keep your spirits up and stay positive. It won't be quick or easy, but I promise it will be worth it. I miss you already.

Love,

Edward

I folded the paper and sealed it inside the envelope. I addressed it to Bree and would mail it as soon as we landed. Bree would insure that it got to Bella.

It was almost two weeks later when I returned to my flat after work that I received a letter from Bella. I was excited to say the least. I didn't expect her to be able to respond. I knew she still technically couldn't received or send mail, but I imagine Bree had something to do with it. It was torture not being able to see Bella frequently or exchange a few words with her here and there. I got inside, grabbed a cold beer and sat down on the couch before opening her letter.

Dear Edward,

I miss you. You're my first thought when I wake, and my last before I sleep. Things are so different. I've been completely off any sort of medication for weeks. I remember so much, except that night. Why can't I remember that night, Edward? I remember bits and pieces of it, but then there's nothing.

It's hard to stay sane in here. Thoughts and memories of my dad are consuming me. It hurts. I miss him. I never got to say goodbye. I couldn't have done it. I couldn't have. Do you know what happened to him? Was he buried or cremated? Where is he? Will you go visit his burial site and make sure it's cleaned up and looking nice? Take him some flowers for me? I feel like he might be lonely. Only he and Renee know the truth. I don't want him to think I've forgotten about him or that I don't care. Please, Edward. It would mean so much to me, and to him.

Only a few weeks left until my evaluation. I'm kind of nervous. Sometimes I still feel like I'm going crazy. These memories don't help. At least the medication kept them at bay. I cry constantly. I cannot stop. This is all so wrong and cruel and I just don't understand how I got myself here.

The only thing that keeps me going and provides any sort of peace is knowing that I have you. You are all I have. Without you, this would be my certain end. It's hard to imagine the rest of your life in a place like this, never being able to love or to be loved. There is no hope here. There is no "someday". There are no surprises. Everything here is like clockwork. Nothing changes. Nothing is new. Here, I would never get to feel the excitement of getting married, or picking out the perfect dress. I would never get to lose sleep because I can't decide what to name my baby. I'd never get to decorate my first home, or plant flowers in the front yard. I'd never get the opportunity to do things differently than my mother.

Promise me, if this ends up being my fate, please, move on. I cannot live like this. I will take my own life before I live this one of solitude and regret. You deserve so much more, Edward. If we don't get our happy ending in this life, we will in another.

I hope everything is going well with the company and your father. I'm sure you two secured the account and were worried for nothing. I'll see you soon, hopefully. Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do for me. One day, if this isn't the end, I will re-pay you.

I love you,

Bella

Just before I finished the letter there was a knock at the door. I finished reading it and attempted to dry to my eyes, but I was flustered. When I heard my mother's voice on the other side of the door, I knew she would understand, so I jumped to my feet.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting you."

"I know, honey. I brought you some dinner. Are you okay? What's wrong?"

I stepped back and let her in. I was so choked up over Bella's letter that I could hardly keep it together. I just handed it to her and excused myself to the restroom.

When I returned, she was still reading, and she was crying. "Mum?"

She didn't look up at me. She finished reading first. She set the letter down on the coffee table. "Edward, I am so sorry," she cried as she opened her arms to me. I hugged her and we cried together for a few minutes before I decided that I needed to pull myself together.

"Oh, Edward. I feel terrible. She is such a nice girl. I'm sorry your father and I ever doubted that what you were doing was the right thing."

"It's okay. I understood your concern."

"Listen, eat your dinner and pack your things. You know where you belong. Your father can mange without you. We'll support you and Bella and help you both in any way we can. Get back to Phoenix."

I smiled and hugged her. Bella was right, we had secured the account. All that was left was to sign the contracts, and Dad could handle that on his own. "Thanks, Mum."

I started to see her out, when she turned to me. "Oh, and Edward?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Your first stop better be to her father's grave."

"It will be."

She kissed my cheek and went on her way. I went back inside and ate quickly as I packed. If I hurried, I could catch the red eye back to Los Angeles and be back in Phoenix tomorrow.

****Author's Note: Another on time update! Yay! Next one will probably be mid-week as I actually have a day off this week. We're getting closer...a lot happens in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing! 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	21. Elusive Reality  Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

Phoenix, AZ - 2006 (Edward)

When I landed in Phoenix, the sun was just beginning to set. I got another rental car and stopped at a florist on my way to Charlie's grave. He was buried in a large memorial garden on the other side of town. It took me quite some time to find my way. The gardens were beautiful. I don't think I had seen this many trees all in one place in Phoenix before.

It felt like I had been searching for his grave marker forever when something caught my eye. A large tombstone with a photo on it of a police officer. As I moved closer to it, I still couldn't make out the name, but I knew it was her father. He had her eyes. I wasn't expecting to see a photo of him. He was in uniform. His grave wasn't in the best condition, but I had seen worse. The two flower vases on either side of the tombstone were empty and collecting dust. I cleaned them off and separated the fresh flowers into both of them. I put some water in the vases and observed the rest of the grave. It felt strange, like I wasn't alone.

"I never expected to meet my girlfriend's father like this," I started. "I'm so sorry about what happened. I'm sure you know, as well as I, that Bella isn't capable of what she has been accused of." I was startled when a bird landed on top of the tombstone. It just stared at me. I continued. "I know you loved Renee and chose to turn a blind eye to many of her behaviors, but what kind of example were setting for Bella? That it's okay to do things like that to someone, or allow them to do it to you? She deserves better than that. I know you were trying to protect her, as she was trying to protect you. Come hell, or high water, I will do whatever I have to do to find out who did this to you. Bella will come home and I'll give her the life she thought she would never have."

The bird was still staring at me. I had never seen a bird like that before. It sort of looked funny. It was gray, black and white with a little orange spot on it's head. It also had this little feather looking thing sticking out of it's head. It made me laugh. I cleaned up a little more around the grave site while the bird watched.

When I was finished, and Charlie's grave looked cared for and loved, I started to leave. That silly bird just started walking behind me. Another bird, of the same kind, but with less black around it's face, started following it. They both followed me to my car, walking, not flying, the entire way. I felt bad for them when I got in my car, they just looked at me. I took a picture of them on my cell phone. I wanted to know what kind of birds they were. I started the car, but it didn't scare them away. They stayed put and watched me back from my parking space and leave. I made a mental note to bring bread the next time I visited.

I went straight to the hospital to see if I still had a job.

"Hey, Edward! How did it go?" Bree asked as she gathered her things to leave.

"It wasn't too bad. I'm glad to be back though. This place is starting to feel like home."

Bree laughed. "Did you get her letter?"

"I did, thank you."

"I'll admit, I read it, and I cried like a fucking baby."

We both laughed. "So did I."

"You still have a job, thanks to me. I found someone to take the shifts you were already scheduled for and they left you off the schedule last week." She looked around. "Everyone's in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner, go say hi to her really quick. I'll keep an eye out."

I glanced around and did as she suggested. I walked quickly to room 118. Bella was sitting indian style on her bed, writing.

"Hi, love."

She glanced up quickly and her entire face lit up. "Edward? You're back!" She jumped to her feet and our hands found each others in the slot in the door. I couldn't wait to be able to fucking hug her again.

"I missed you," she said.

"I missed you, too, Bella. I got your letter. I swear I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you out of here."

She smiled and nodded. "I know you will."

I glanced back to the end of the hall where Bree was standing guard. She was waving me back.

"I have to go. I'm not supposed to be here. I did as you asked, first thing. Charlie is buried here. I cleaned his grave marker, left flowers, and talked to him a bit."

Bella's eyes watered, but she smiled. "Thank you." Bella pulled at my watch on my wrist, pulling out several little gray and white feathers. "What's this?" she asked.

"That's odd. These two birds kept following me at the cemetery. I didn't even touch them." She took the feathers.

"Maybe it was Dad. Alice says people visit from the afterlife in the form of birds, or animals, or even the wind."

Hm. "I took a picture of them." I opened my cell phone and showed her quickly. She started crying.

"Those are Gambel's Quail. It's a male and female. They're native to the area."

I smiled. My girl was so smart. "Who would be the female?" I asked.

She wiped at her tear stained cheeks. "My grandma. She's with him." Her sobs became louder and I was afraid we would draw attention soon.

"Baby, I have to go. I don't want to get caught."

She nodded.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm good. I'm happy they found each other. These are happy tears. I feel better now."

I smiled and squeezed her only hand that remained in the slot in the door. "I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you. Thank you, Edward."

The next few weeks passed quickly and before I knew it, it was time for Bella's evaluation. I know she was nervous about it, but I told her to just be honest and she should be fine. The doctor was appointed by the court and had no ties or relationships with any of the involved parties. I worked on the day of her evaluation and she was out of her room for nearly six hours. I never even got to see her.

I had a missed call from Jenks and I called him back on the way home.

"Hey, Edward," he answered.

"Hey, how did it go?"

"I think it went well. We won't get the report from the doctor until at least the end of the day tomorrow, but even Bella seemed to think it went well."

"That's great. Keep me posted, okay?"

"Sure thing. I'll call you as soon as I get the report back. When I get it, I'll have to have it filed with the court and then they will likely move her back to the penitentiary. From there, we start working on the appeal, and keep our fingers crossed."

I took a breath and blew it out. "Okay, sounds good."

Within two weeks, Bella was a new resident at the women's state penitentiary and I was no longer working at the hospital. She was worried about going back to the penitentiary but she knew it was a step in the right direction. Today was the first time we got to see each other. There were regular visitation hours on the weekends and although we weren't supposed to touch, we would actually be face to face.

I was escorted to a large room, it looked like it probably served as a cafeteria during meal times. There were a lot of visitors and it was loud. Prison guards were spread out all over the place.

Bella was brought in a few minutes later, cuffed only at the wrists. She was wearing a dark blue shirt and pants, both of which looked entirely too large. She sat down across from me and the guard returned to his post.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hey." It was so fucking hard not to touch her, but I knew I couldn't. If they suspected we were exchanging drugs, or anything else, it would be the end of our visits. "How are things going?"

She exhaled a deep breath and her eyes instantly teared up.

"I said I wasn't going to cry," she half heartedly laughed and looked away. "It's horrible. I share a cell with one scary lady. We have bunk beds. I sleep on the top because she's fairly large. We also have a toilet and a sink that are combined. The sink is practically on top of the toilet. Who thought of that? It has to be the most unsanitary thing I've ever seen. We also have our own little desks. She's weird and mean and we don't talk much. I just pretend like she isn't there." She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "It's so invasive. There's no privacy. We use the restroom in front of each other. There's a community shower. Women stare at me. My body looks like a 12 year old compared to theirs. It's humiliating."

I reached for her hand, but retracted quickly. "Bella, that isn't true. You are very much a woman. You're beautiful. They're probably staring because they're jealous."

She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. "How are things with you?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"They're okay. I was in Los Angeles last week working, but it's hard being away. I worry about you, a lot."

"I'll be okay. It's just a serious adjustment and the food here is terrible."

I couldn't stand to hear her talk about the conditions she was living in. It physically made me ill. I could never survive what she has.

We talked briefly about the progress with the appeal. She was meeting with Jenks later in the week. She said he always sounds very positive. Jenks told her that Renee hired a defense attorney.

"Really?" I asked. Since I had been in Los Angeles I hadn't really caught up with him this week.

"Yeah, he says that's a good thing. She must suspect charges will be filed against her, which means she's probably guilty of something."

"I'll have to catch up with him. We have a meeting scheduled later this week, he wanted to go over a few things with me, said there were some new developments."

"That sounds good."

I nodded.

"Um, Edward? I have to tell you something. Please, don't get mad and do anything crazy."

I looked up at her. What the hell could she have to tell me? "What is it?" I asked.

"Before you got here...just at the start of visitation hours. I had a visitor. I thought it was going to be you, but it wasn't."

"Who was it?" I asked.

"It was Jake."

"What?" I said loudly. A prison guard approached us and stood closer to us. I lowered my voice. "What the fuck? Why was he here? Did you talk to him? What did he say? What did you say? Bella, you cannot talk to him!" I said angrily.

I made her cry. Damn it.

"Baby, I'm sorry. It's just that I don't know what his intentions are and you have to be careful with what you say."

"I was," she cried.

"Tell me what happened," I said more calmly.

"He said he had been talking to Renee. He knew you were in town. He wanted to know what was going on and why I was trying to blame her for what I did. He kept telling me that Renee did everything she could for me, that she did what was best considering the circumstances. I told him I didn't do it and I asked him to leave. That was it."

"That ass hole."

"I don't know what his intentions were. I think he was just trying to get information."

"He probably was. Renee is probably using him."

"I want this to be over, so badly," she said solemnly.

The two minute warning came over the intercom. Visitation hours were almost over.

"It will be over soon, hopefully. Just remember, when you get out of here, everything will be different. I'll make sure of it. You'll get to do and experience everything you mentioned in your letter to me. I promise."

Her eyes lifted to mine and a small hesitant smile spread across her face. "You would marry me?" she asked.

I scoffed at her silliness. Had she learned nothing of my feelings for her in the past few months. "In a heartbeat," I responded.

She smiled. "I love you."

I loved hearing those words and seeing her smile. It made it all worth it. "I love you, too." I stood to leave. "I'll see you next Saturday, okay?"

She nodded and was led away by the prison guard.

I learned later in the week that a lot had developed with Bella's case. No wonder Renee hired an attorney. Apparently all of the evidence obtained at the scene had never so much as been tested or processed. The prosecutor didn't even think it was necessary since Bella was caught holding the knife and she was accepting the plea. Jenks obtained all the evidence from the scene and sent it to the lab for testing. They even took a blood sample from Bella shortly after she was arrested. Jenks sent it to the lab as well.

"But Edward, here's the real catcher..." Jenks started. He laid photos out that were taken at the scene as well as some of Bella, only in a bra and panties, that were taken afterwards. I wasn't prepared for the scene photos and I had no idea why he had half naked photos of my girlfriend.

"I don't understand," I said.

"Look Edward," he pointed to some of the photos of Bella. "This is Bella at the scene, covered in blood." He pointed to another photo. "This is her after a shower at the station during booking. These full body photos are always taken in murder cases. There isn't a scratch on her. Look at her. Her skin is perfectly white and clean. There's not so much a bruise or red mark. You would think with the amount of damage done to Charlie, she would have a few cuts, bruises, something. Charlie clearly tried to defend himself. Look at Charlie's autopsy photos..."

I felt my stomach turn.

"He has small cuts all over his hands and bruises on his forearms. He tried to defend himself. If Bella did this, there would be evidence of a struggle on her body and there isn't. Now, here's the best part..." He turned around in his chair to his computer where there was a scene photo. He zoomed in on Renee who wasn't even the object of the photo, but happened to be standing nearby in the background. He zoomed in on a cut she had on her right hand.

"What if that is just blood from the scene and not an actual cut?" I asked, as it was hard to tell.

"Look at this picture, she is talking to an officer, she is holding that hand and a drop of blood is running down her wrist."

"Holy shit." I ran my hands through my hair. "I knew Renee had something to do with it , but I didn't think she actually did it."

"Yeah, with what we have, we probably won't even need to ask for a jury trial. The Judge will likely throw out the charges all together and dismiss the case. The prosecution will have to try to indict her again."

Jenks continued to show me mountains of evidence. He even deposed Charlie's partner on the police force. Apparently Charlie and him talked frequently about the troubles in his marriage. Charlie even told him just before he was murdered that he found Renee researching various chemicals online that were undetectable in the human body and had little odor or taste. He advised he attempted to speak to the prosecution shortly after Bella was charged, but he was at the scene, he saw Bella with the knife in her hand, he didn't know what else to think.

I wanted to physically hurt Renee. How could she do this?

"I've got more depositions lined up, even one of Dr. Cline, but with what we have here, I think we're good to go. There's no point in waiting. If she is granted a jury trial, we continue collecting evidence, but I feel certain there is at least enough here to get her released, at least temporarily."

That was the best fucking news I had ever heard. I was so disgusted with Renee. How could she do this to her own daughter? She deserved to be where Bella was. She deserved to lose everything. She deserved to suffer.

****Author's Note: Getting closer...! Thanks for the reviews! 3 Some of you that read Repentance have asked about the sequel...it's in the works. I have no idea when it would be posted, how long it may be, etc. It's in the very early stages, but I'm hoping to make something of it.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	22. Elusive Reality  Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

Phoenix, AZ - 2006 (Edward)

Bella wrote to me a lot. I was starting to get a letter from her almost every other day. I loved it. She said I didn't have to respond. She just writes to keep herself from going insane. I responded to ever single letter.

Edward,

You came to see me today. You're so handsome. I miss touching your scruffy face and feeling your breath on mine. I miss everything about you.

It's still hard for me to believe that less than two years ago we had it all. At least I felt like I had it all. I was living my dream in London when I unexpectedly met the most amazing man. You turned my world upside down in the most fascinating way. I wonder where we would be and what we would be doing if none of this happened. I should've stayed in London or I should've let you come back with me. I have so many regrets in retrospect. None of them can be undone.

Jenks says he has more "jaw-dropping" news. I talked to him on the phone today. He said he wanted to tell us in person. He's meeting you here during visitation hours next Saturday. I hope it's good news.

I haven't really told this to you or anyone yet, but this is all very hard on me. I know that's obvious, but what I mean is, regardless of how evil Renee is, she is my mother. She is my only living parent. It's bittersweet. My freedom will cause me to lose the only parent I have left. I shouldn't be sad about that, but sometimes I am. Renee and I did occasionally have our good times, when I was much younger.

I used to love kittens when I was little. Renee would let me take home every little stray kitten we found. We would go to the pet store and buy them everything they needed. We would give them a bath and cover them in baby powder and feed them until they were fat and happy. We couldn't keep them all, so we'd name them and find new homes for them, and then we started over again. Renee liked kittens, too.

In junior high, she would always take me shopping and buy me anything I wanted. Back then, I thought she was the best mom, except that she couldn't cook. Now I see that a lot of that was probably done to appease me and encourage me to not tell Dad about her boyfriends. For as long as I remember, Edward, there were others. She had no shame in parading me around with them. She said they were her childhood friends and that Daddy would have gone with us, but he was working.

I cannot even bring myself to think about my Dad without crying. How do you heal from this, Edward? That emptiness never goes away. I hope he knows the truth. I would never hurt him like that.

I was outside in the "yard" as they call it, and I saw two Gambel's Quail perched on the fence. They looked just like the ones you saw in the cemetery. Can we go there first? When and if I get out of here, can we go straight there? I want to feel closer to him.

I miss you, so much. I miss freedom. I miss having a pedicure and cooking a nice meal. I miss your arms around me at night and your crazy hair in the morning. I have to have that back. This cannot be all I was meant to accomplish. There has to be more. I want so much more with you.

I love you,

Bella

Her letters always made me emotional. They always encouraged me and reaffirmed the fact that I what was doing was right and it would all be worth it, one day.

One day was quickly approaching. Bella and I had our meeting with Jenks today during visitation hours. I arrived a little early so I could talk to her for a few minutes before Jenks arrived.

She looked thinner and weaker than she did last week. She still smiled for me, though.

"Hi," she said as she sat down.

"Hey, beautiful."

"Where's Jenks?" she asked.

"He'll be here soon. I'm a little early."

"Oh, okay. I hope he has good news. I don't know how much longer I can do this."

I sighed. "Are you eating? You look thinner."

"I try to."

"Bella, try harder. You can't get sick on me. You look frail."

She scoffed. "Thanks, Edward. I assume your prior comment about me being beautiful was a crock of shit."

I was a little taken back. Each week she seemed tougher. She wasn't taking any shit from anybody anymore.

"Bella, you are beautiful. I'm just worried about you."

She didn't respond, she just looked away from me.

I tried to change the subject.

"When this is all over, where do you want to live?"

That got her to look at me. "London. I want to be as far away from here as possible."

"Okay, do you want to move back into your flat or move in with me?"

"Move in with you?" She was trying to hide her smile.

I nodded. "Might as well."

She smiled. "Well, considering it will probably be difficult for me to find a job at first, and considering my track record, I likely won't be able to afford my flat anymore. I don't have anything Edward. All my inheritance from my grandmother passing is gone. I spent it on legal fees in the beginning. I don't have any clothes or personal belongings anymore. I have nothing. Absolutely nothing."

She started crying.

"Bella, it's okay. We can replace all of those things. Don't worry about money. We'll get you everything you need, I promise."

She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "There are some things you cannot replace, Edward."

"Like what?" I asked.

"My father. I don't have any photos of him. Gifts he has given me in the past...I don't have anything to remember him by."

"Well, surely your mother didn't throw that stuff away. We'll get it. Don't forget, Bella, if you're out there, she will likely be in here."

Bella took a deep breath and nodded and when she looked up over my shoulder, I knew Jenks must have arrived.

We said our greetings and Bella assured him that she was fine.

Jenks got right to the point. He said the attorney that prosecuted Bella made a lot of procedural errors. Even though he had knowledge that Bella was going to accept the plea deal, he was still required to process and review the evidence, but he didn't. He just submitted selected pieces of evidence. Jenks said appealing a plea deal is one of the hardest things to do in the legal system, but procedural errors make it much easier.

There was a preliminary hearing scheduled in three weeks. Bella would have to testify at the hearing as to why she would plead guilty to something she didn't do.

"Now, I'm certain the judge will grant the appeal at a minimum, or even throw out the charges all together with the evidence we have collected. I got your blood test results back, Bella. You alcohol consumption was a little high, but there were also significant traces of Rohypnol in your blood stream."

"What is that?" I asked.

"Is that the date rape drug?" Bella asked.

Jenks nodded.

"Renee did frequently bring me drinks that night, but why would she give me that drug?"

"Because, you likely eventually passed out and it causes short term memory loss, which is probably why you cannot remember what happened."

Bella and I looked at each other.

"That would explain a lot," Bella added.

Jenks went on with other evidence he collected and advised Bella he would be back to meet with her a few times before the hearing to prepare her. He advised me that I needed to get Bella something to wear to the hearing, or he could have his secretary pick something up for her.

I told him I would take care of it. I'd get Bree to help me. Bella told me what size she was the last time she bought clothes, I'm fairly certain she is smaller now. She requested a skirt and blouse, something professional.

Before visitation was over, Jenks gave me an invoice. Bella took the liberty of taking it out of my hand and looking at it. My $10,000 retainer was gone and I had a bill due of $4,500. It sort of made my chest constrict. We hadn't even made it to the hearing, and what if there was a trial? I felt sick to my stomach for minute before I looked up at a teary eyed Bella. I took a deep breath. She is worth it. I wrote Jenks a check on the spot, while making a mental note that I needed to transfer some money in that checking account.

It was Sunday afternoon. Bree's loser of a boyfriend was passed out, hungover from the night before, and Bree and I were going shopping for Bella.

I really had no idea what I was looking for. Bella had stuff in her flat in London that would work, but it may be too big on her now. Bree and I were at some large department store when we both stopped walking as we passed a nicely dressed mannequin.

"Ooo, I think that would look nice on her," Bree said.

It was a navy blue knee length skirt with a white satin blouse and matching jacket. "That's nice," I added.

As we started looking for the smallest size, something dawned on me. "Wait, she probably doesn't want blue. That mess they make her wear in prison is dark blue."

"Oh, why didn't you tell me that ten minutes ago?" Bree asked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "We definitely cannot buy blue. Fortunately, it looks like this also comes in a khaki color and black," she said as she rifled through the rack.

"Let's go with the khaki color." It wasn't a dull khaki, it was "sateen," whatever that meant. The tag called it "pumice," but it just looked khaki to me. We got the skirt, the matching jacket, and an ivory blouse to wear under it.

Bree picked out a brown pair of heels for Bella and got some little accessories to match. Before it was all said and done, I had spent just under $300. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. I'm not used to buying women's clothing.

The day of the hearing arrived before I knew it. I had been busy with work in L.A., only coming back to Phoenix to see Bella on the weekends. It was Monday morning, and the hearing was about to begin.

Bella was escorted into the court room by a female deputy. They took the handcuffs off once she sat down. She looked great in the outfit we got her and her her hair was back in a bun. She turned around, looking for me. When her eyes landed on mine, she smiled and mouthed the words "thank you."

I was sort of surprised that Renee wasn't present. She wasn't required to be, but you would sort of expect the widow of the man who was murdered to be present at a hearing when the suspected murder could be granted an appeal. Renee's boyfriend/Bell's ex-defense attorney was present and seated on the other side of the aisle.

From what I understood, this was a new judge from the one who handled the case previously.

Jenks started things off and introduced a few pieces of evidence before calling Bella to the witness stand.

The prosecutor was pretty tough. He asked her pointed questions, "Why would you accept a plea deal for a crime you didn't commit; How do you explain the murder weapon in your hand at the scene?" They were tough questions, but Bella did well.

Jenks followed up with some additional questions that provided further explanation as to what may have really happened on the night Charlie was murdered. He also introduced additional evidence, including the scene photos of Renee and the photos taken of Bella following the murder that show she had no sign of a struggle on her anywhere.

At one point the Judge asked the prosecutor why none of this evidence was entered in the initial hearing in which Bella accepted the plea. The prosecutor fumbled, saying he wasn't aware some of it existed and he thought it was an open and shut case.

After several hours, the Judge retired to his chambers for a recess and advised he would return after he has had an opportunity to review all the evidence and make a decision regarding the appeal.

What we learned upon his return shocked us all into a stunned silence, with the exception of Bella, who was left sobbing loudly in an otherwise quiet courtroom.

*** Author's Note: Sorry for the cliffie! Thank you all for the reviews. 3 Next chapter should be posted next weekend.

Twitter: AllorNothingKR


	23. Elusive Reality  Chapter 22

Hello! This is a longer chapter, full of goodies. ;) Hope you enjoy! - AllOrNothingKR

CHAPTER 22

Phoenix, AZ - 2006 (Edward)

I couldn't believe what I just heard the Judge say.

After reviewing the evidence presented, and the transcripts from the prior hearing, it is of my opinion that the prosecution and the prior defense made grave errors in prosecuting Ms. Swan, which ultimately led to the appeal in question. It is my opinion that crucial evidence was intentionally not presented to the court in the prior hearing, otherwise, no judge in his or her right mind would have allowed Ms. Swan to accept the plea deal that she did. The ruling of this court is that the appeal is properly granted. However, it is subsequently ruled that there is not enough evidence to hold Ms. Swan on an indictment. All charges are dropped against Ms. Swan. A new prosecuting attorney will be assigned to Charles Swan's murder case and if that prosecutor collects sufficient evidence to indict Ms. Swan for murder, then so be it. The evidence collected today will also be turned over to a newly assigned detective with the Federal Bureau of Investigations for further review and handling for future warrants in the case. It is so Ordered. The gavel slams against the podium and the judge retreats.

I sat frozen. Bella sobbed as she hugged Jenks. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Was this really happening? Does this mean Bella is free? My apartment here isn't clean. I don't have anything for her. A million thoughts ran through my mind, but none of it mattered.

I stood and went to Bella and Jenks, who embraced me as well. It felt so good to touch her again. Bella shook in my arms. I tried to calm her down, but it was useless.

Jenks briefed us about moving forward and we signed some papers before Bella had to return to the penitentiary for the final time. I hated letting her go, but she had to be formally checked out and gather what little belongings she had. They advised me I could pick her up in two hours.

I couldn't decide what to do first. I enlisted the help of Bree, who fortunately, was just getting off work. Bree and I went back to the department store where we bought Bella's attire for court and purchased numerous essentials for Bella. I knew she would want to shop for some of her own things, but she needed a few things to start with. We got her some lounging clothes, pajamas, undergarments, jeans and a few t-shirts to get her started with.

We were heading back to my apartment when Bree made me stop at a local drug store. "She needs girl things!" Bree insisted.

"What kind of girl things?" I asked.

"You know, make up, razors, lotion, shampoo, deodorant!"

"Oh, wow. Yes, that's a good idea. I didn't think of that."

I let Bree take care of picking all that stuff out.

I was fairly exhausted by the time we got back. It took us nearly an hour to unload the car and make room for everything in the apartment. I had to clean out some drawers for Bella and get more hangers for the closet. Bree cleaned the kitchen and bathroom.

By the time we finished, I was late picking up Bella. I invited Bree to come with me to get her, with the understanding that she would drive us back here, because I wouldn't be able to focus on driving once Bella was in the car. She gladly agreed.

We arrived to the penitentiary just after 6:00 p.m. Bella was standing outside against a fence, still in her suit, with a little plastic bag of belongings. I hardly got the car parked when I jumped out.

"I'm so sorry I'm late."

"It's okay," Bella smiled.

Her eyes were full of tears, if she blinked, they would fall. I took her bag from her and hugged her to me. She cried and thanked me over and over again.

"Shhh. Bella, it's okay."

She wasn't easily consoled.

She eventually pulled away from me. "Let's get out of here. I don't ever want to see this place again."

I smiled and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

She looked up at me and her big brown eyes met mine, "I love you, too."

"Ready to get started?" I asked.

"Get started on what?" she questioned.

"The list of things you want to do that you thought you never could."

She smiled. "I'm so ready."

Bree had already crawled into the driver's seat and Bella and I got in the back seat. Bree had misty eyes and it made me laugh.

"Don't laugh at me, Edward!" Bree warned. "You two are so cute!"

Bella laughed. "Thank you, Bree. For everything."

Bree nodded. "You're welcome."

Bella and I sat in silence in the back of the car. We just stared at each other and held each other's hands, she touched my face, I drew circles with my thumb over her hand as I held it. It just didn't seem real yet.

BELLA

We arrived to the apartment where Edward was staying. Everything looked so different. A lot had changed in Phoenix in the past year and a half. Edward stayed in nice place and it was in a nice part of town, not that I expected anything else. When I stepped out of the car, Edward was already there, reaching for my hand. The heat of the sun on my skin felt amazing. There was a very slight breeze and I closed my eyes and just allowed myself a moment to feel. Edward and Bree were patient with me. I was glad Edward was on the first floor. I don't think I could handle stairs. I felt weak. I couldn't remember the last time I ate.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, his hand rested on the small of my back.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little light headed. It's a lot to take in."

"When was the last time you ate? Are you hungry?"

I turned to look at him. "I'm starving," I said honestly.

He led me inside and Bree followed silently. She seemed nervous and kept looking up the stairs to the second floor. She was making me nervous and I didn't know why.

Edward's apartment was nice. It was clean. That surprised me. I guess I expected it to be a mess with how busy he has been dealing with me and work.

"Bree cleaned it."

I glanced up at him quickly and wondered how he knew what I was thinking. "It's nice," I offered.

Edward and Bree showed me around the small apartment and showed me where some of my things were. My things? That sounded so strange. I didn't have anything. I owned nothing. I was so grateful for the things they had gotten me. Especially the toiletries.

"Can I take a shower? Please?"

Edward laughed at me. "Bella, you can do whatever you want. This is your place too, you certainly don't have to ask to take a shower."

I smiled hesitantly and went in search for something to change into.

Edward said he would order take out for us. I requested chinese. It had been a while. I said my goodbyes to Bree and left them in the living room, eager to get to the shower.

I went into the bathroom and stripped myself of the clothes I was wearing. Edward was right, I had lost weight. I looked disgusting. As I let the water warm, I observed myself in the mirror. I was skin and bones, except for my ass, which seemed to keep it's cushion. I was grateful for that. I could practically count my ribs. I shuddered and observed the dark circles under my eyes. Those surprised me. I didn't do anything but sleep. I let my hair down. It was so long. A hair cut was definitely going on the to-do list. It was wavy and frizzy due to the lack of a good conditioner. The mirror became covered in steam and I lost sight of myself.

I bent down and observed the products under the sink. Everything a girl could ask for, even a straightener and curling iron. There was a hair dryer, but I immediately recognized it as Edward's. It made me smile. There was a little container on the right side that had Edward's things in it and everything else was for me. I felt like I won the lottery. I'd never been so excited to take a shower. I grabbed everything I wanted to use and stepped in.

The hot water felt so nice. I didn't have to worry about anyone staring at me, or sizing me up. I could relax. I closed my eyes and let the water fall over me. I eventually got around to shampooing and conditioning my hair. I left the conditioner in while I shaved. It felt so good to feel clean again. I grabbed the purple loofa sponge that was next to the blue one. It made me smile seeing the sponges next to each other. The body wash smelled heavenly, a mix of lavender and vanilla. I washed myself from head to toe at least three times. I scrubbed my face with a detoxifying scrub. It felt good and I felt cleaner, brighter.

I eventually had to get out of the shower when the water started running cold. I grabbed the big fluffy towel outside the shower, dried off, and wrapped myself up in it. It certainly beat the tiny white itchy towels at the penitentiary.

I shivered and wondered how long this would last. Would I remain free? Would I be indicted again? Would I have to suffer through a trial? Would I have to allow Edward to pay for my mounting attorney's fees? I took a deep breath and blew it out. I vowed I'd try not to think about it. I just need to live in the moment and enjoy the time I have.

I heard a light tapping on the door. "Bella, are you okay?"

"I'm okay. I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Okay, let me know if you need anything. Dinner is here."

"Thank you, Edward." I smiled and my heart swelled. I owed that man my life and I had no idea how to repay him.

I finished getting cleaned up and slipped into the pink, green and white plaid pajama pants I found. They were a little big, but I rolled them over at the waist and that seemed to do the trick. I put on a white tank top with it and straightened my hair before finally leaving the confines of the bathroom. I really felt clean for the first time in a long time.

Edward jumped up from the couch when he saw me and went to grab our dinner. We sat on the floor behind the coffee table. The food was to die to for. I was so hungry. I ate so much I thought I'd be sick. Edward was even giving me strange looks, likely alarmed by how much I was eating. I eventually pushed the food away and leaned back against the couch. "I'm stuffed."

Edward laughed. "I hope so."

I smiled. "It was really good, thank you."

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You're welcome." He handed me a fortune cookie.

"Always room for these," I said as I opened it. I cracked the cookie open and pulled out the little piece of paper as Edward did the same with his.

PLAN FOR MANY PLEASURES AHEAD.

I read it to myself, and then looked at Edward. He handed me his, and I handed him mine.

THERE IS NO LIMIT TO LOVE'S FORBEARANCE, TO IT'S TRUST, IT'S HOPE, IT'S POWER TO ENDURE.

We both looked at each other and smiled.

"I think they're both right," Edward said.

I smiled. "I hope so."

Edward pushed a strand of my hair back behind my ear. "I'm so glad you're here," he said softly.

"Me too," I smiled and reached for his hand. "Thank you, so much, for everything."

Edward leaned in to kiss me, but just before he did, a loud thud coming from upstairs stopped him. I didn't initially think anything of it until we heard another loud noise, like something being thrown against the wall and breaking.

"Shit," Edward said.

"What is it? Are they always that loud?"

It was then that Edward stood to clean up our left overs and began to tell me of the story of Bree. I didn't even know she lived upstairs.

"Well, shouldn't we go check on her?" I asked..

Edward shook his head. "She knows where I am if she needs me. It's none of our business. She always goes back to him."

I sighed. I didn't really like that answer, but I guess he was right. It wasn't really our place to interfere.

We cleaned up and watched some television before I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I yawned. "I'm tired. It's been a long day."

Edward turned the TV off. "Let's go to bed."

I took his extended hand and he led me to the bathroom where we both got ready for bed. We brushed our teeth side by side. It made us both laugh, we had never done that before. We eventually made it into the bedroom and I didn't want to sleep in the pants I was wearing. It was too hot to wear pants to bed in Phoenix.

"Can I wear one of your t-shirts?" I asked.

"Of course, take your pick," he offered.

I grabbed a heather gray t-shirt that felt soft and returned to the bathroom to change into it.

I went back to the bedroom where Edward was already in bed. He had the covers pulled back on my side and I crawled in next to him.

I smiled. "This feels like my bed in London."

"It's very similar."

The cool sheets felt wonderful against my freshly shaved legs. It felt like heaven being in a clean bed with nice sheets, and of course, being with Edward.

We laid on our sides facing each other in the dark room.

"Can we go see my dad tomorrow?" I asked softly.

Edward's fingers traced my cheek bone until his hand was in my hair, gently pulling me closer to him. "Of course, Bella," he said before he leaned in to kiss me.

My breath hitched and my hand went to his face. I had longed to touch his face. It felt like I remembered and before I knew it, his lips were on mine, and everything felt right. I relaxed into his touch and our lips dance around our intertwined tongues. His kiss was soft, yet needy and it felt like home, which reminded me that I didn't have a home anymore. Tears stung my eyes but I tried to keep them at bay. We finally separated but our faces remained close enough to feel the other's breath.

"Everything will be okay. I promise," Edward said.

I wanted to believe him, but the negative thoughts were hard to let go of. I nodded because I was too unsure to speak.

Edward rolled onto his back, pulling me up next to him. He pulled the covers over us as I rested my head on his chest. I found peace in the sound of his beating heart beneath me. He kissed the top of my head and told me he loved me. It was the only thing I felt certain of anymore.

I looked up at him, his green eyes looking back at me. "I love you, Edward, more than you'll ever know." His arms tightened around me and I fell right to sleep.

Some time later Edward and I were awoken by the incessant ringing of his cell phone. I sat up and looked at the clock. It was 2:30 a.m. I couldn't reach his phone on the opposite nightstand.

I shook Edward. "Edward, turn it off."

He groaned and rolled over and grabbed his phone. When recognition hit him as to who it was, he answered immediately.

"What's wrong?" he answered.

"Oh, shit. Okay. I'll be right there."

Edward was getting out of bed. "Who is it? Where are you going?"

"Bree. I'll be right back."

I climbed out of bed and followed after him. He went to the door and opened it and in came a battered Bree with a backpack.

"What happened?" Edward asked.

She was crying and she shook her head, unable to speak.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Well, you can stay on the couch as long as you need to. You know where everything is. Make yourself at home."

A sleepy Edward began to make his way back to his bedroom. He pulled at my shirt to join him. I told him I'd be right there.

I got Bree a glass of water and a box of tissues and sat down next to her on the couch.

I knew a little bit about her family, or the tragedy of her family. Her older sister was in my high school class. Although we were not friends, I remember everyone talking about what happened.

"Do you want to talk about it I asked?"

She took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders.

"Why do you feel like he is your only option?" I asked her.

"Because he has been the only option since they died."

"Tell me what happened."

She blew her nose. "After mom and dad were killed, I was put into a foster home. Brittany was 18, so she could be on her own. She could've taken responsibility for me, but I was only 14 and she said it would be too much for her. I've never really spoken to her since they died."

She took a sip of her water.

"The foster home was horrible. There were so many kids and such little food. There were older boys there that were mean to me."

She started crying harder and hiccuping. I rubbed her back soothingly.

"They would get in my bed at night and do things. Bad things," she cried.

My heart broke for her. She took a deep breath and dried her eyes more.

"I met James on the street after I ran away from the foster home. He was older than me. He lived with his mom in an apartment. He took me in and took care of me. I had a roof over my head and food on the table. His mom was like a second mom to me. She was sick though. She was dying of cancer. James worked three jobs to try to help her out with the mounting medical bills. I finished high school and worked too. His mom passed away about a year ago and ever since, it's just been horrible. He started drinking a lot and using drugs. He's just not the same person. He lost his jobs. He just takes everything out on me. I just cannot do it anymore. It's not supposed to be like this. I know that now. I see the way Edward looks at you. James never looks at me like that. Has Edward ever hit you?"

My eyes grew large. It wasn't even a possibility. "No," I answered honestly. "Someone who loves you, wouldn't hit you. They wouldn't hurt you intentionally."

Bree nodded and continued to cry. "I don't know what to do. He has all my money, all my things. I want to get away, I just don't know how. I hate asking Edward for help. I hate it. He is dealing with enough without having to deal with me. I just don't know what else to do. I don't have anyone."

"Shh." I hugged her to me. "It's okay."

After she calmed down a little bit I went to the bedroom and took my pillow off the bed. Edward was sound asleep.

I went back to the living room and put the pillow on the couch and grabbed the blanket off the end. I got Bree settled in and assured her we would work something out.

After I was sure she was asleep I went back to the bedroom and closed the door. I crawled in bed next to Edward. He woke up and looked at the clock. Nearly two hours had passed. "Where have you been?" he asked.

"I was just talking to Bree. Go back to sleep."

I curled up next to him and closed my eyes, but found it difficult to sleep. I couldn't help but replay the things Bree had said over and over in my mind. I knew what it was like to lose a parent, but not two, not yet. I knew what it was like to feel alone and desperate. If I didn't have Edward, I'd have nothing. I'd talk to Edward tomorrow to see what we could do to help her. I looked up at Edward who was sleeping soundly. His mouth was parted slightly and I couldn't help myself from tracing my fingertips over his perfect lips. He startled me when he sucked one of my fingers into this mouth.

I giggled. "You scared me."

"Were you trying to wake me up?"

"No, your lips just looked so perfect, they needed to be touched," I whispered.

He grinned. "You should be touching them with your lips, instead of your fingertips."

I smiled before pressing my lips to his. I melted under his kiss. I could never get enough of him. How I ever survived so long without him was beyond me.

He hitched my leg over his waist and that's when I felt his excitement. It made my heart stop beating. His lips moved to the crook of my neck as his tongue made little circles there. His hands roamed up the back of his shirt I was wearing. His warm hands on my back felt nice. His smell was intoxicating. Everything about him drew me in. It had been so long since I had been touched this way, so long since I had been loved. I wanted to feel closer to him, so I pulled his t-shirt over his head. The warmth of his body was so inviting.

"Are you sure you're ready?" I heard him whisper. "There's no rush."

"I've waited long enough, Edward."

He removed the t-shirt I wore and then we were chest to chest. His warmth was so comforting and felt so much like home. His scent, his soft skin, it was everything I remembered.

He rested my head gently on the pillow as he climbed over me. I could see his erection straining to be released from the confines of his boxers. He removed the blue lace panties I wore and kissed the insides of my thighs, working his way to the one spot that was desperate to feel him.

His fingers and his lips played me like an instrument until I was desperately trying to stay quiet beneath him. My release was so powerful it nearly left me breathless. It had been so long and I had forgotten how skilled Edward was.

He placed feather light kisses on each hip, over my stomach, my breasts and my neck, before finally reaching my lips again. His boxers were gone and I could feel him at my entrance. He kissed me softly.

"Bella, there was never anybody else. Even when I thought you went back to him, that you just left me, there was nobody else. I tried to move on, but nobody, nobody measured up to you."

I reached up and pulled his face to mine, kissing him with everything I had. When my lips left his, they danced along his jaw line, behind his ear, and down his neck. "I love you, Edward." I felt him smile against my shoulder as he kissed it and gently pushed into me. It took me a few minutes to adjust to him, but the pain mixed with pleasure was welcomed. I missed how good it felt to be connected to him like this. As he moved gently within me, everything felt right again. My hands roamed over the muscles in his back that were straining with his movements as he hovered above me, careful not to put the full weight of his body on mine.

Within a few minutes he was whimpering my name and telling me he loved me. He came undone inside me and collapsed next to me. I held him close to me and traced little circles over his shoulders.

I was almost asleep when he leaned up and his eyes met mine. "Are you wanting to take things slow?" he asked.

I was momentarily confused. "What are you referring to?" I was pretty sure we just jumped right into things.

"I mean, I want it all with you, a marriage, a home, children, a family. I don't see the point in waiting after what we've been through. I know you're the only one I'll ever want or need."

A cheesy grin spread across my face. "I want it all with you too. I just want to make sure I'm not indicted again. You deserve more than a wife in prison, half a world away from your home."

"I'd never let you go back there, Bella. I don't care if we're fucking fugitives; I'm not letting you go again."

I'd never let him ruin his life for me like that, but I appreciated the meaning behind it. I kissed him and told him I loved him before drifting off into the perfect slumber.

**** Author's Note: Yay, some fluff! Will it last? Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	24. Elusive Reality  Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

Bella

The following morning I woke up to the smell of bacon and pancakes. It smelled like heaven. My stomach instantly growled. I smiled and went to roll over, expecting Edward to be missing from the bed, but to my surprise, he was sound asleep behind me. His head was nuzzled into the crook of my neck.

I wondered momentarily who was cooking, when I recalled the events of the previous evening with Bree.

Edward began to stir and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his nose skimming the back of my neck.

"Mmm, you smell delicious."

I giggled and nudged him. "That's not me, silly. I think Bree must be making breakfast."

He propped up and looked at me, confusion apparent on his face. It took him a moment, but then it appeared to dawn on him. "Oh, that's right. I forgot she stayed here."

"Yeah, we better get up."

Edward groaned when I slipped out of his arms and off the bed. I put on the pajama pants I had worn the evening before along with Edward's t-shirt.

I found Bree in the kitchen. Her hair was up in a big knot and she was flipping pancakes on the cook top. She must have heard me because she turned around.

"Oh, good. You're up. I'm making breakfast."

"I see that. It smells really good. You didn't have to cook for us."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I thought you may have missed a decent breakfast."

I smiled and nodded. She had no idea.

"Is Edward up? It should be ready in a few minutes."

"I'll get him up."

I went back to the bedroom and found Edward sitting on the edge of the bed, completely naked. He still looked half asleep.

I laughed. "Edward, what are you doing?"

He looked up at me and rubbed his sleepy eyes. "Just trying to wake up."

"Well, maybe you should get dressed," I said as I let my eyes drift down to his alert manhood.

"What?" he asked as he looked down. "Oh my God. I'm sorry. I didn't realize..." he grabbed the sheet and pulled it over his waist.

I walked over to him and stood between his legs. "Are you feeling okay?" I asked as I let my hands roam through his messy hair.

His arms went around my waist. He nodded. "I was just trying to think of what I'm supposed to be doing. What day is it?"

I laughed. "You're asking the wrong person, baby."

He smiled and kissed me. "Can I just have you for breakfast?"

I shook my head. "Get dressed and join us."

I left him alone to get dressed.

Bree and I were setting the table when I heard Edward cursing loudly from his bedroom. Bree and I looked at each other.

I got up to see what was going on.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Edward was running his hands through his hair. He was wearing a pair of black dress pants and no shirt. He looked fucking amazing.

"I was supposed to be in L.A. today," he said as he ran his hands over his face in frustration. "Fuck!" he said loudly.

I didn't know what to do.

"I'm never going to make it. My flight leaves in twenty minutes."

My heart sank. He couldn't leave yet. It was too soon. I just got him back.

"Don't look at me like that. You know I'd rather be here."

"I know," I said softly.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going to make it. I need to get some work done. I'll have to do it via video conference. You and Bree will need to either stay in here or go out for a little while."

"Okay, whatever you need. Will you please just come eat breakfast first?"

He pulled a white t-shirt over his head and agreed.

We all ate quietly. Edward's mind was obviously focused on other things.

After breakfast Bree and I cleaned up the kitchen while Edward worked on his computer in the nook in the living room.

We got cleaned up and prepared to leave, unsure of where we would go.

"We're heading out," I said.

Edward looked back at us and then stood from his desk. "I'm sorry. I completely forgot about this meeting."

"It's okay. How long should we stay out?"

"It shouldn't take more than two to three hours."

"Okay."

"Here." He opened his wallet and handed me a credit card and a couple hundred dollars in cash, along with the keys to his rental car. "Go shopping. Get a cell phone, and whatever else you need."

"Edward, no."

"Bella, don't start. Please. You need things."

I sighed. I hated taking his money. I hated that I already owed him so much and he just kept giving me more. I knew he was stressed out about work, so I just agreed.

"Thank you," he said when I took the money from him.

He kissed my cheek. "I love you. I'm sorry I woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"It's okay. I love you. We'll see you later."

Bree and I headed out. I came up with a plan for what we would be doing.

I was nervous behind the wheel of the rental car. I hadn't driven in almost two years. It came back to me fairly quickly, though.

"Where to first?" Bree asked.

"First, we're going to the library."

Bree looked at me like I was crazy. "Um...why?"

"So we can look at your finances and get a budget set up for you so we can get you your own place."

"I don't have any money."

"You will. When do you get paid next?"

"On Friday."

"Okay, so you'll have money then. If you're not with him, you don't have to give him your paycheck."

Bree looked anxious but agreed.

I took her to the library and we determined what her monthly income would be and how much she could afford. It wasn't much, but it was start. We spent time on the internet looking at apartments she could afford and then we went to see them in person.

They were not nearly as nice as Edward's apartment, but they were decent. We eventually found one she really liked on the other side of town. They were running a special and she could get the first two months free, but would have to put a $300 deposit down.

"I can't do it," Bree said. "I don't get paid until Friday and I don't have $300."

I rolled my eyes. "Bree, I'll take care of it. Edward gave me his credit card."

"That's not right, Bella. I'd feel bad."

"He won't care. You can pay him back when you get paid on Friday."

"But that money is supposed to be for you and for the things you need."

"I'll get what I need, Bree. You can pay him back."

Bree eventually relented. I paid the deposit for her and she was set to move in on Saturday. She tried to hide it, but I could tell she was excited.

We ran a few more errands and I picked up a few things I needed, including a cell phone.

It was nearly 5:00 p.m before we got home.

"I was starting to think you two weren't coming back," Edward said.

Bree and I smiled. "We were just getting some things done."

"How much money did you spend?" Edward asked, apparently concerned we had been spending his money for nearly seven hours.

"About $700," Bella said honestly, handing him the receipts.

"That's not too bad," Edward said as he went through the receipts. "Did you get everything you needed?"

I nodded.

"I was just about to run to the store to get some groceries and something for dinner. You want to come with me?" he asked.

"Sure. Bree, you want to come with us?"

"No, I think I'll take a nap."

Edward and I went to the store and on the way there I told him about the apartment for Bree and that I loaned her $300. Luckily, he didn't mind. He thought it was a good idea.

Edward was next to me as I pushed our shopping cart down the aisle and around the corner. It had been so long since I got to choose what I wanted to eat. I felt like I was on cloud nine, until something hit me, literally.

I bumped into someone's cart going around the corner and when I saw who it was, I froze. Edward ran into the back of me, not expecting me to stop suddenly. My gasp was audible and the tears were instant. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't help it.

"Mom?"

"Bella," she said coldly.

I felt Edward's arms come around me.

"Are you happy now, Bella? You get out of jail at my expense. You blame what you did on your own mother who tried all this time to protect you and make things as easy as possible on you."

My sobs became audible and my vision was blurred by the tears collecting like puddles. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My mother was the last person I expected to run into. It hurt. Part of me wanted to hurt her for what she did to my dad and the other part of me felt sorry for her because I knew first hand what she would have to endure if she was charged with his murder and ended up in prison.

Edward stepped in front of me. "Stop it!" he yelled at Renee. "Don't you talk to her like that. You know damn good and well what you did. Was it worth it, Renee? I hope you enjoyed your time with your lawyer boyfriend, because it's about to be over. You'll pay for what you did to Charlie, and to Bella."

"You don't have any idea what you're talking about. Everything was fine until you came along."

"You mean you had everyone believing your lies until I came along?" Edward asked her.

"Ugh! Get out of my way! I hope you and that little bitch live happily ever after," she said, as she looked at me. She pushed by us and started walking up the aisle away from us. I was boiling mad and hurt. How could she be so cruel? I had never wanted to physically hurt someone so badly.

I grabbed a can of soup out of our cart and looked at Edward. "Did I ever tell you I used to be a pretty damn good bowler?"

Edward looked at me, confusion apparent on his face, "No?" he said cautiously.

"My dad taught me," I said, as I lined myself up with Renee who was a couple yards ahead of us. I swung my arm back and then forward as I released the can of soup and sent it rolling forward, right under Renee's feet. She tripped over it and literally fell on her ass.

I pushed Edward around the corner before she could look back and see us. Edward was laughing. "I cannot believe you just did that."

I exhaled a deep breath. "She makes me so mad. I'm sorry. I'm a mess," I said as I frantically tried to make the tears go away.

Edward pulled me into a hug. "It's okay, Bella."

We heard a lot of commotion coming from the other aisle.

I pulled back and Edward and I looked at each other.

"Maybe we should abort the shopping trip?" Edward asked.

"Good idea. Knowing her, she's probably already called the police."

We looked around momentarily before abandoning our nearly full shopping cart and making a quick exit.

"So much for dinner," I said as Edward pulled out of the grocery store parking lot.

"I've got an idea," Edward said.

"What?" I asked.

"You'll see."

I figured out what the plan was when I realized where were heading. It made me nervous and I instantly felt my chest tighten. I wasn't sure I was prepared for this, although it was exactly what I wanted, what I needed.

"It's right over there on the left. Do you want me to wait here?" he asked.

I nodded my head as I quietly climbed out of the car and walked over to my father's grave.

I took a deep breath and kneeled down in front of the grave marker. "Hi, Daddy." My fingers traced the image of him on the stone. It had been so long since I had seen a photo of him. "I'm so sorry," I cried. "You know I would never intentionally hurt you, don't you?"

I was startled when two Gamble's Quail suddenly landed on the tombstone and I instantly recognized them as the same ones from the photo on Edward's cell phone. I fell to pieces. I was a crying, sobbing mess.

"I miss you so much. I know you were not that thrilled about Edward, but he's such a good person, Dad. He has done so much for me. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for him. He takes care of me."

The male bird jumped down from it's perch atop the tombstone and landed on my lap. It just stared at me and somehow I knew Charlie wasn't mad at me.

I spent a few more minutes telling my dad about everything that had happened recently and more about Edward. I brushed off some dirt and leaves that had collected on the tombstone and when my stomach growled, the two birds flew away.

I collected myself and made my way back to Edward's car. I felt better and I felt relieved. I needed some good one on one time with my dad.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked as I sat down in the car.

I nodded and even cracked a smile. "I'm good. That was good. Thank you."

Edward grabbed my left hand and kissed my knuckles softly.

We picked up some take out on the way home and the three of us pigged out.

I was disappointed the following day to learn that Edward had to go to L.A for a few days and wouldn't be back until the weekend. He told me I should just come with him, but I felt bad leaving Bree, and besides, she was moving into her apartment on Saturday.

I told Edward I'd stay here and help Bree. It absolutely sucked to see him go, but I knew he needed to.

We kept in pretty close contact over the next few days and when Friday came, Bree picked up her pay check and took the day off. Because her first two months of rent were free, she could spend that money on getting a few things for her apartment.

We spent most of the day shopping and had spent nearly her entire paycheck fairly quickly. We came back to Edward's apartment and did some packing. We noticed at one point that James had gone out, his car was gone.

We took the opportunity to get into Bree's old apartment and get more of her things. I kept a look out for him while she hustled things from upstairs to downstairs.

"I got enough, come on, I'm afraid we'll get caught!" she said as she ushered me back inside.

I went back inside and we packed up some more stuff. By the time we were finished, I was exhausted and moody.

"Are you okay?" Bree asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm feeling kind of crampy, but it's not time for my period. My body just must not be used to physical activity yet."

"Well maybe you should lay down."

I did as she suggested and laid down on the couch.

"Are you on the pill?" I asked her.

She looked down and shook her head.

"I was just wondering. I didn't mean to upset you. I need to get back on it, but I no longer have health insurance."

"You can get it at the health department," she said quietly.

"Yeah, that's a good idea."

"When James found out I was on the pill, he flipped out. He was trying to get me pregnant, so I wouldn't leave."

I thought I saw her eyes begin to glaze over, as if she were about to cry.

"That's terrible," I offered, unsure of what to say.

She nodded. "I've been pregnant twice." She looked away from me. "I've had two abortions," she barely whispered. "I worked extra shifts to pay for it. I felt so bad. You have no idea. Every day I think about him or her. I wonder, you know? How would things be differently? But, when it came down to it, I couldn't. I couldn't bring a child into my fucked up world. I wouldn't put a child through what I went through with James on a daily basis. I didn't want him to hurt the baby the way he would hurt me," she cried.

I got off the couch and went to her. "It's okay. You did right the thing." I wasn't so sure of that, but it seemed like the best thing to say at the time.

We were both a little surprised when Edward walked through the door.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

Bree and I nodded and Bree excused herself to the bathroom.

"What was that all about?" Edward asked.

"I'll tell you later." I went to him and put my arms around him. "I missed you."

He kissed the top of my head. "I missed you, too."

The next day we took Bree to her new apartment and did most of the moving for her. We didn't want her to be seen coming in and out of Edward's apartment with boxes and what not, so she started unpacking things at the new place while we brought car loads of her stuff from Edward's.

We were practically finished by mid afternoon, as she really didn't have that much stuff. Before Edward and I left, he said he had something to give her.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's a just little something to say thanks."

Bree looked at him suspiciously as he handed her a small white envelope that he pulled from his back pocket.

Bree opened the envelope and pulled out a Target gift card. She turned it over.

"Five hundred dollars! Edward! No way! I cannot accept this. You've done too much already."

"Just say thank you, Bree."

She scoffed. "I can't! I don't deserve this. I owe you so much already."

"Don't worry about it. You helped me out a lot with Bella. If it wasn't for your help, I don't know that we would be where we are now."

She sighed. "Are you sure?"

He nodded his head. "I'm sure. Use that for whatever you need."

Bree hugged him and said a million thanks.

Two weeks had gone by and Edward and I had settled into a little routine. He worked a lot and I tried to entertain myself. I visited Alice a few times at the hospital. She was getting released soon. I didn't know she was technically there voluntarily. She said her parents wanted her to get help, so she agreed, for them. She and I both knew there was nothing wrong with her. She was just gifted.

I went to L.A. with Edward for a few days and it was really nice to get away. While he worked, I shopped and laid by the pool. It was heavenly and so relaxing.

Upon our return to Phoenix, Jenks told us the investigation was moving forward quickly and he was fairly certain the prosecution would have enough evidence collected to indict Renee within a few weeks. He said Renee's defense team was still trying to feed the prosecution evidence against me, but he didn't think they would have enough to indict me again, not with what they had on Renee.

I had been irritable the following week that we had been back from L.A. and I just didn't feel good. I was horribly tired. I wasn't sure if I was still trying to become accustom to being up and doing so much. I was used to sitting on a bed doing nothing for 24 hours a day.

It was a wednesday morning, and Edward was taking me to the health department so I could get back on the pill. We hadn't always been careful, but we had been taking more precautions lately. He wanted me to just see my regular doctor and not go to the health department, but I refused to allow him to pay for that.

I could tell by the look on Edward's face that he was not happy with me as we waited in the waiting room with several other people. People who appeared to be in much dire need than Edward and I. Not to mention, the countless number of screaming babies.

After nearly two hours I finally got called back and I made Edward stay in the waiting room.

I had to have a pap smear prior to getting a prescription and I had to pee in a cup. I peed mostly on my hand, and a little in the cup. Sometimes it sucked being a female. It was nearly 45 minutes later when the nurse practitioner finally came back into the room.

"I'm sorry Ms. Swan, but I'm afraid I'm not able to write you a prescription today," she said as she looked down at her clipboard.

"Why not?" I asked.

"I'm afraid it's too late."

I looked at the clock. It was almost Noon. "I don't understand."

"You're already pregnant."

I felt all the blood drain from my face. I couldn't seem to get air into my lungs. This absolutely could not be fucking happening to me.

"Perhaps you should lay back, you don't look well," the nurse practitioner said as she gently helped me lay down on the exam table. She continued talking as if what she had just told me was the most normal thing ever. "You have options," she handed me a pamphlet on abortion, adoption and motherhood. "It's not the end of the world. Take these home and read over them and then we can discuss what you would like to do next week. We need to take a blood test and the nurse will be in to do that in just a few moments. I'll see you back next Wednesday, okay?"

I just nodded and stared at the white light on the ceiling. I was devastated. How could I have let this happen? I knew better. I wasn't even sure yet if I would be spending the rest of my life as a free person or in a jail cell. I was too stunned to cry. I let the nurse take my blood before I got dressed and made an appointment for the following week. I wanted to vomit.

I lingered momentarily before going back into the waiting room. Edward was the last person I wanted to see. I wanted some time to myself to think and I knew he would know something was wrong.

"Everything go okay?" he asked as he led me out of the building.

I nodded and didn't speak. He held the car door open for me. He didn't deserve my attitude that was bound to be present at any moment.

He got in the car and we headed back to his apartment.

"Why aren't you talking? What happened?"

"Nothing. I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it," I said as I stared out the passenger window.

Edward was running his hands through his hair. I was bitting my finger nails.

Just when I thought the day couldn't possibly get any worse, it did.

All the air left my lungs and tears pooled in my eyes the moment I saw the police cruiser parked against the curb outside Edward's apartment and the two uniformed officers standing at his door.

***Author's Note: Sorry for the delay on getting this chapter posted. I couldn't decide if I was happy with it or not and I kept changing things. A little unexpected surprise appears to be on the way for Bella and Edward! I'm also sorry to leave you hanging with this chapter, but it makes it more exciting, doesn't it? ;)

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	25. Elusive Reality  Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

Bella

I burst into tears the moment I saw the police cruiser parked against the curb outside Edward's apartment and the two uniformed officers standing at his door.

Edward stopped the car and looked at me.

A million thoughts ran through my mind at lightning speed. I was going back to jail. I was going to give birth to Edward's child in jail. I could have an abortion. I could never tell him. We could run. We could leave the country and change our names. Edward would never forgive me for killing our child. I couldn't give birth to our baby and never see it. I couldn't let him have our baby while I sat in jail for the rest of my life. What if he moves on? What if some other woman raises our child? "Bella." What if he gives up on me. What if this is it? "Bella!" We should drive. We should leave. We shouldn't let them see us.

"BELLA!"

I turned suddenly to see Edward's face enraged and staring back at me. I could tell he was pissed, although his face was a blur through my tears.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, panic apparent in his voice.

I just sobbed louder. I couldn't decide. I had no idea what to do. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to crawl into the ground with my dad and grandma and my unborn child and never come out.

Edward parked the car. "Stay here. Stay down."

I cried and shook my head. "No, don't leave. Please. Don't leave me." I grabbed on to his arm for dear life.

"I'll be right back. They cannot be here to take you. Jenks would've given us a head's up. We would've heard something. Calm down."

I couldn't calm down. He didn't know the seriousness of this. I pulled at his shirt, pulling him closer to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you," I cried.

He rubbed my back and whispered soothing things in my ear. "Bella, it's okay. Please, baby, calm down. You're freaking me out."

I lost it when he said the word baby and I pushed him away, out of the car. "Go, just go!" Edward looked at me like I had four heads and he slowly walked towards his apartment.

I turned around in my seat and watched as Edward approached the officers at his door. They conversed for a few moments before I actually saw Edward's head fall back in laughter. What the hell was he laughing at?

He started back to the car and stuck his head in the driver's side door. "Bella, it's okay. It's just your wonderful mother pressing charges on you for assault. Your just being served with the warrant to appear in court. Come on, you just have to sign something."

I looked at him hesitantly, unsure if I should believe him. Wait, what? Unsure if I should believe him? It was Edward! I shook my head. I was so frazzled and exhausted. I climbed out of the car and tried to make myself appear calm and normal.

The officers told me I was being served with a criminal warrant, read me the court date, and had me sign a piece of paper. They gave me a copy of it also and then they went on their way.

Edward and I entered his apartment and he started going on about my mother.

"Edward, I just need a few minutes, to myself. Okay?" I said, as I through the little yellow piece of paper on the counter.

I walked to our bedroom and closed the door. I crawled onto the big bed and pulled the covers up to my neck and I cried. I couldn't even be concerned with assault charges at the time. I had much bigger things to worry about.

I hadn't even calmed down long enough to organize my thoughts when Edward came into the room. I wanted to scream at him to just go away, but I couldn't. He laid down behind me on the bed and put his arms around me.

"Bella, please. What the fuck is going on with you?"

"I'm an idiot," I cried.

"What do you mean? You are not." His hands moved up and down my bare arm, trying to soothe me.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to tell him yet or not. I didn't want to hear him tell me that everything would be okay and that he would take care of us and blah blah blah. He didn't know what the future really held. He didn't know.

I knew if I didn't tell him he would drive me crazy wondering what was going on and I knew I'd end up saying and doing things to him that I didn't mean.

I turned my head over my right shoulder and saw him propped up looking down at me. "I'm fucking pregnant," I cried.

His hand left my arm immediately, like my skin had burned him or something.

"What?" he asked, seemingly shocked.

I rolled my eyes and looked away from him. "You heard me."

I heard him sigh and felt the cold air hit my back when he got off the bed. I heard his footsteps and when I turned my head in his direction, he had left the room. He was gone.

That wasn't exactly the reaction I had expected from him and it sent me into another fit of tears. I hugged my arms around myself. I was so scared. I was terrified of the unknown. I was terrified of being a horrible mother, like Renee. I was scared I'd be sent back to prison and give birth in some cold concrete room on a metal table and they'd just hand my baby off to someone and I'd never see it. My sobs became louder at the thought. As terrifying as it was to be pregnant with so much of my future unknown, the thought of our baby being taken away from me was utterly incomprehensible.

I could see the time passing on the clock on the nightstand. One hour. Two hours. Three hours.

For every hour that Edward didn't return to the room, my thoughts became more and more negative and frantic. Where was he? What was he thinking?

When night fell and the room began to grow dark, my hunger pains became too much to ignore. I tried to collect myself as best I could before I eventually entered the living room.

It was dark, with the exception of Edward's computer's screen saver and a light that was on above the stove in the kitchen.

Edward was asleep on the couch. His eyes were puffy and his long eye lashes looked damp. Had he been crying? The sight of him like that made my chest hurt.

I walked over to him and kneeled down in front of him. "Edward?" I said softly. I shook him a little bit. "Edward?" My voice was hoarse from the emotion I was trying to keep at bay.

Edward's eyes slowly opened and tried to adjust to the limited light in the room. He sighed and sat up, placing his elbows on his knees as he rubbed at his eyes.

I stood and turned on the lamp on the end table. I sat down on the coffee table directly in front of him, our knees touched as mine nervously bopped up and down. We were both quiet for several minutes. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if "I'm sorry" was appropriate. He wouldn't look at me, and it was absolutely killing me.

"Edward?"

He hid his face with his hands and shook his head. My heart broke and fear began to set in. He wouldn't leave me, would he? He said he wanted it all. He said he didn't want to wait on our future, well, here it is.

I felt the tears start to well up again and a large lump forming in my throat, as I tried to hold them back.

Edward's hands suddenly fell from his face and his eyes burned holes into mine. His eyes were glassy and blood shot. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to make him feel better, but I didn't know how.

"I'm so sorry," he choked out.

A sigh of relief left me. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "For what, Edward? This isn't solely your fault."

"I knew better," he said just above a whisper.

"We both did, but things happen. We have options," I said. It wasn't lost on me that I was the one comforting him. I had expected things to go the other way around.

He looked up at me, his face serious. "We don't have any fucking options, Bella."

I stopped breathing. What did he mean? He didn't want me to have the baby? He wanted me to have it? "What do you want?" I finally asked.

He looked at me like he couldn't believe what I was asking.

"Are you kidding me, Bella? You're having the baby."

"Okay," I said quietly. Although there were other options, I knew in the back of my mind I couldn't go through with any of them, not yet anyway.

"Did you have other plans in mind?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried so hard to keep the tears away but the pain in my throat was becoming too much to bear and I let them spill over and down my cheeks. "I'm scared, Edward. What if I go back to jail?"

Edward pulled me into his lap and held me. My arms curled around his neck and it felt good to be held. He felt good.

"I don't know what to do," I cried. "I'm pissed off at myself for letting this happen right now. We knew better. I knew better! I just...it had been so long since we were together. I wasn't thinking."

"It's not your fault, Bella. We made a mistake. We'll deal with the consequences."

I blew out a deep breath and tried to calm down. "What if I have to go back to jail? I can't give birth to our baby in a jail. I'll never see it. You'll move on; you'll leave me and some other woman will have my baby," I cried.

Edward laughed momentarily and squeezed his arms around me tighter. "Oh, Bella. You're so silly."

I pushed at his chest and looked up at him. "I am not. That is a reasonable outcome if I have to spend the rest of my life in jail!"

Edward scoffed. "There will never be another woman, Bella. Never. Even if you were dead, there could never be another."

I hugged him and buried my face in the crook of his neck.

He rubbed my back soothingly. "And besides, there's no way in hell you're going back to jail. Not for murder."

"I'm still scared," I mumbled into his neck. "I don't want to be like Renee," I whispered.

Edward leaned back and titled my chin up so he could see my eyes. "Bella, you will be a wonderful mother. Don't ever doubt yourself in that regard."

"How can you be so sure? I've had a really shitty example to go by."

He smiled and kissed my tear stained cheek. "Because you're not like her. You're caring and empathetic. You're strong and brave. You love with your whole heart and you don't let anything stand in your way when you want something."

I took a deep breath and blew it out. I was still scared, of so much, but he made me feel a little better.

My stomach growled loudly. I could actually feel the rumble shoot across my tummy.

Edward laughed and tickled my side. "Are you trying to starve the little jelly bean?"

I smiled, for the first time all day. Our little jelly bean. "Can we eat and go to bed? I'm emotionally and physically drained."

He kissed my forehead. "We can do whatever you want, sweetheart."

I hugged his neck and kissed his jaw. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too, Bella."

We met with Jenks the following week. There was a court date set for the assault charge but he was fairly certain he could get it thrown out. There were video cameras in the store that captured the can of soup rolling down the aisle and striking Renee but the camera didn't span as far back to the rear of the store in order to capture Edward and I. Jenks said the evidence is circumstantial. They can prove Edward and I were at the store, but there isn't proof that we did anything intentional to harm Renee. It turns out she sprained her ankle pretty badly. I didn't feel bad about it.

Jenks also told us the best news yet, Renee had been indicted and there was a warrant out for her arrest, they just hadn't picked her up yet, but he was sure it would happen any time. He felt relatively certain that if I were going to be indicted again, it would've already happened. He knew there was a prosecutor reviewing the evidence against me, but he heard the prosecutor didn't think he had a strong enough case with all of the mounting evidence against Renee.

For a few weeks, things were relatively peaceful. Renee had been arrested and was sitting in the very same prison I once sat in. Jenks said her attorney boyfriend apparently wanted nothing else to do with her. He wasn't going to pay for her defense.

I had been back to the doctor and Edward and I got the first ultrasound photos of our little baby. It wasn't even big enough to call a jelly bean. It was the size of an ant or something similar. It was just tiny. Edward put his or her picture on the fridge. It was cute.

I appeared in court for the assault charge brought on by Renee. I couldn't lie. I admitted what I had done and I would accept the punishment for it. They reduced the charges to a misdemeanor offense. The judge initially only sentenced me to 20 hours of community service; however, because I'm carrying a little jelly bean, I got exempt from that and placed on probation for 90 days. In 90 days, if I stayed out of trouble, my record would be expunged.

The more time that passed, the more comfortable I felt knowing that I wasn't going back to jail for a crime I didn't commit. Edward and I still had a lot of things to work out and talk about, though. He had been working a lot and I was bored out of my mind sitting in that tiny apartment by myself.

I had yelled at him over the phone when he told me his stay in L.A was going to be extended, again. I was going stir crazy. I wanted him home so we could talk and work through some things. How long were we going to stay in the states? Where were we going to live when the baby was born? What was I going to do with my life? How could I get back on track with school and care for a baby?

Thousands of questions raced through my mind on a daily basis while I sat on the couch in the apartment staring at the fan circulating above. All the while, Edward was in Los Angeles working and doing things that stimulated his mind. I was so frustrated, and honestly jealous. I felt like everything I had worked so hard for had been taken away by Renee. I had worked so hard for so long to get accepted into the study abroad program in London, only to have been ripped away from it a semester before completion. Completing both semesters abroad, whether it be in London, or elsewhere, were part of the requirements for graduation. Now I was jobless, degree-less, and knocked up.

I was startled out of my thoughts when I heard the key turning in the lock on the door. I panicked for a moment, wondering who the hell was coming in when I saw Edward. I didn't know whether to scream or smile.

I gasped. "You scared me to death! What are you doing here? You just said you had to stay in L.A."

He smiled smugly. "I thought I'd surprise you."

I smirked and shook my head at him as I got off the couch to greet him. He embraced me and kissed my cheek. "How are my girls?" he asked.

I laughed. "It's not a girl!"

"You don't know that," Edward countered.

"Neither do you!"

He laughed and kissed me again. "It's just a feeling."

"Well, I have a different feeling."

"Guess we have a few more weeks until we'll know who's right."

I smiled and nodded. Although we were still several more weeks away from gender determination, I couldn't believe how fast time was moving and how much I adored the little thing inside me.

Edward gave me an endearing pat on the ass as he moved to walk past me and go to our bedroom. "Get dressed hot stuff, we're going out."

"What?" I asked, following him into the bedroom.

"You heard me. We're going out for dinner."

"Why?" I asked. I had become a little leery of going out in public. There was still a lot of press surrounding my dad's murder and Renee's arrest. People started to recognize me and just come right up to me and ask me ludicrous questions. I avoided it at all costs and Edward knew it.

"Because, I said so. It will be private, and pack an overnight bag."

I looked at him like he was crazy. "An overnight bag? For dinner?"

He turned around to look at me as he was taking off his tie. "Why do you have to ask so many questions?"

"Because, I don't know what you're up to."

"It's a surprise, Bella. You aren't supposed to know!" he teased.

I grinned. A surprise? Maybe he was making it up to me for being away so long. I was excited. "Okay, okay. I'm getting in the shower and then I'll pack a bag."

"Sounds good."

I left Edward in the bedroom as I made my way to the bathroom to shower. I had already had one that day, but a simple shower was my new favorite thing. After being deprived of luxury feminine care items for so long, I thoroughly enjoyed a good shower.

I eventually emerged from the bathroom in only the fluffy white towel wrapped around me to find Edward sitting on the edge of the bed. He was dressed nicely in a pair of black slacks and a nice charcoal gray short sleeve shirt that clung to his athletic build. He looked delicious. "What are you doing?" I asked.

He smiled. "Waiting on you."

"Oh. I was just going to ask what I should wear."

"Well, if it were up to me, that towel looks pretty damn good on you."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward!"

He laughed. "Wear something sexy."

"I don't know if I have anything sexy," I said as I walked to our closet. I wanted to wear a black dress to match Edward, but I hadn't bought any dresses.

"You might be surprised," he said.

I ignored him and started pushing through the hangers in the closet until my eyes landed on the plastic to my right. What was that? I pulled out the plastic covered item and could see that it was a black dress. "Where did this come from?" I yelled from the closet as I lifted up the plastic to reveal a beautiful little black dress.

"I bought it for you." I heard him yell back.

I walked out of the closet once the dress was free of it's plastic confines. I laid it out on the bed next to Edward. It was so cute, but looked really sexy, sexier than I was used to. The top part of the dress was similar to a corset and strapless. The bottom was fitted and extremely short. It also had pockets at the waist that were embellished with little crystals. I was excited to get it on and see if it fit. Fortunately, you could hardly tell I was pregnant. I took the dress into the bathroom with me and hung it up while I dried my hair and got my make up on. A short while later, I emerged, and I felt beautiful. I slipped my hands in the pockets of the dress and spun around for Edward.

"Wow."

"You like it?" I asked.

"You look stunning, and hot as hell. I'm glad we're not going to a public place. I'd have to beat the men off of you."

I laughed. "Whatever. You better enjoy it while you can. I won't be able to wear things like this for much longer."

He stood from the bed and walked over to me. His face was inches from my own and his fingertips brushed my collarbone as he sent my long wavy hair behind my right shoulder before he leaned in to kiss me. "Oh, I'll be enjoying it, Bella," he whispered softly against my lips. I kissed him back as I felt my insides heat up. Edward and I hadn't been intimate in nearly two weeks and my hormones were all over the place. I wanted to say to hell with whatever he had planned and pin him to the bed, but he couldn't be swayed.

I reluctantly packed an over night bag and slipped on some little black heels before we went on our way to a destination unknown.

****Author's Note: Things are starting to look up! Some fluff and some drama in the next chapter! Thanks to those of you who are always reviewing! 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	26. Elusive Reality  Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Bella

We had been driving for about half an hour before we eventually pulled up at a resort and spa in Scottsdale. Edward let the valet park the car and we made our way inside. I assumed he had already been here as we didn't even check in.

I anxiously followed beside him as our fingers tangled together between us. Our room was at the end of a long hall way. It was the last room on the right. We made our way inside a luxurious suite. Everything was modern and stylish. The bathroom looked like a spa and the large balcony outside looked out towards Camelback Mountain.

"Edward, this is so nice!"

"You like it?" he asked.

"I love it," I said as I looked back at him. "It's beautiful. What's the occasion?"

Edward has a mischievous grin on his face. "Why does there have to be an occasion? I just thought you might like to get out of the apartment for a while, and I missed you."

I nodded my head, still suspicious. While I was checking everything out, there was a knock at the door.

"Dinner is here," Edward called out.

I left the bathroom and went back to the main room where a small table was being rolled through the suite and onto the large balcony outside.

Edward tipped the young man and saw him out. He led me outside on to the balcony. The food looked amazing and so did the view. The sun was just beginning to set and the sky was various shades of pink, orange, blue and yellow and Camelback Mountain was in the forefront of it all.

"This is really nice, Edward. Thank you."

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You're welcome. I missed you."

I smiled and we both started eating.

We eventually started talking about the future and what it held for us. We both wanted to return to London, but Jenks said we would both likely have to testify at Renee's trial. A date hadn't been set for it yet and it would likely not take place for another year or so. Our jelly bean would here by then.

"I don't want to stay here and just wait," I said. "She's already taken so much from me. I want to be settled, in our home, with our child. If we have to come back for a few weeks, then so be it."

"I agree. I cannot imagine having a baby without my mother around. I mean, I don't know the first thing about babies. I think we'll need her help."

I certainly don't know anything about babies. The thought made me nauseous. "Maybe we should be taking a class or something? I don't know anything about babies either. We cannot depend on your mom for everything."

Edward laughed, "Perhaps you're right, but I hear it comes naturally to women, once it's born and all."

I gave him a weary look. "If I'm Renee's daughter, I'm probably missing some mommy genes."

Edward rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You're nothing like her, Bella. You'll be fine."

I wasn't so sure. The only thing that made me relax when I got nervous about being a mom, was the fact that the baby would be part of Edward, and I loved him so much that I would love anything that is a part of him just as much. It was so easy to love Edward, it couldn't be that much difficult to love and care for a child that was a part of him.

"My father is looking for a place for us."

"Oh?" That was news to me. "Why? Don't you still have your flat?"

"Well, yeah, but I thought we might need more room."

"Oh, okay." I was quiet for a moment. "It doesn't need to be anything extravagant, you know? I mean, I've lived in a small box for over a year, I'm fine with a small flat." I was still concerned about all the money Edward had spent on legal fees and supporting me throughout this entire ordeal. It was overwhelming to think about how much I felt like I owed him.

"Bella, really, get over it. Money is not an issue and will not be an issue, especially when we are back in London. You, and the baby, will have everything you will need and want."

How was I ever so lucky to have him? I couldn't begin to explain the security he provided in my life. Without him, I'd have nothing and no one. I reached for his hand across the table and gave it squeeze. "I love you."

He smiled and pulled his hand from mine. "There's something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"What is it?" I asked, concerned.

We had both pushed our nearly empty plates away and Edward had scooted closer to me. The sky was falling darker now, barely lit by the setting sun.

"I know you think I've been away too much and I've been working too much, but I've still been fighting for everything that you're entitled to. I've got a lot I need to share with you, but there is one thing in particular tonight."

He turned towards me in his chair and took my hands in his. He took a deep breath and it made me nervous. There was a slight breeze in the air and it sent a chill through me.

"Bella, having you back means so much to me. There was a time, when I thought I'd never see you again. There were a lot of hard times, a lot of difficult nights and a lot of doubt along the way, but having you back makes it all worth it. I've known for quite some time that you are and always will be the only woman for me, but having you taken away and being without you for so long definitely reinforced that. I don't want you to think that I'm doing this for the wrong reasons. I'd be doing it even if the circumstances were different. I love you more than life, more than myself, more than anything. I want to make you happy. I want to take care of you. I want to grow old with you. I want you to be my wife."

I stopped breathing when he got down on one knee. My heart stopped beating when I saw the ring and I began to sob, uncontrollably. It had been so long since I had seen it. Was it the same? How could it be?

He slipped the familiar ring on the proper finger. "Bella, will you make me the luckiest man in the world, and marry me?"

I couldn't even see his face through my tears but I nodded my head. "Where did you get this? Do you know what this looks like?" I cried.

He stood and pulled me to my feet. He nodded his head and I embraced him and I just cried.

"It's yours now, but if you want a different one, I'll get you a different one. Whatever you want."

I shook my head. "I want it, how did you get it?" The ring on my finger was one that I had adored for as long as I could remember until the day my grandma passed away. I never saw it again, until now. I assumed it went to the grave with her. She used to always sit and tell me stories about my late grandfather and I would play with the ring on her left hand. She was so proud of it. It was so classic and beautiful. It was a two carat oval solitaire diamond in a tiffany setting with small diamonds all around the white platinum band. It sparkled, even in the dim light of the setting sun.

"I've been working with Jenks. We got a hold of your Dad's Last Will & Testament. This, along with a few other things, were in a safe deposit box. He specifically wanted you to have it."

More tears rushed to the surface and spilled over, down my cheeks. I missed my dad so much. He'd never get to see me wear this ring. I loved the ring and all the memories it held for me. For as long as I could remember, I'd tell my grandmother that I was going to have a ring just like hers one day. She always told me she was certain I would.

I hugged Edward's neck. "I love it. I love you. I'm so happy. You have no idea what this ring means to me."

He pulled me back and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears on my cheeks. He kissed my lips softly and I could taste the salt of my own tears. "I love you, Bella. I cannot wait for you to be Mrs. Cullen."

I grinned from ear to ear. Mrs. Bella Cullen; it sounded lovely.

Our little moment was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Desert is here," Edward said.

I smiled and excused my self to the bathroom to freshen up while he answered the door.

I heard the yelling from the bathroom almost immediately.

"What the fuck! You son of a bitch! What are you doing here? Are you running around on her already?"

"It's none of your god damn business what I'm doing here. Do your job, and get out," I heard Edward say sternly.

I turned the corner to see only a small serving cart between Edward and ... Jacob? Jake was worked at this place?

"Bella?" he asked. He looked me up and down, and I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable in my short little dress.

"Jake," I acknowledged him. "I thought you were still working at the shop."

"I am. I do this at night, trying to help dad pay his medical bills. He's dying of cancer, not that you care."

"I do care. I'm sorry to hear that," I said, sincerely.

"Yeah, whatever. You're just lucky this ass hole has a lot of money, otherwise you'd still be sitting in fucking prison, where you belong."

I was taken back by what he said. Sometimes I just couldn't believe he really thought I was capable of hurting my own father.

Edward intervened. "Listen, if you're just going to be an ass hole, get the hell out of here."

Jake seemingly ignored him. "Wow, did his money buy you that, too?" he said, looking at my left hand.

I was infuriated. "It's not about money, Jacob," I said through gritted teeth. "And I did not kill my father. Renee has you brain washed, just like everyone else."

Jake scoffed. "I don't know who to believe anymore. You're both fucking crazy. Charlie was the only normal one in that family." He turned to look at Edward. "You better be careful, man, she'll try to kill you one day."

Edward pushed him towards the door. "Shut your fucking mouth and get out of here."

Jacob made me so angry. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and I suddenly felt entirely too warm. His words hurt. Although things were very different now, at one point in my life, he was my rock. It hurt that he could really truly believe that I was capable of something so absurd and cruel. "Wait," I stopped Edward from pushing him out the door. "Jake, can we please just be adults and talk about this. Will you just hear me out for five minutes?"

Edward looked pissed. Jake looked somewhat pleased. Edward let go of Jake and Jake stood taller as he straightened out his jacket. "No, Bella. We cannot. There is nothing to talk about. You have ruined everything. If you would've just listened to me and your parents in the first place and never gone to London, none of this would've happened! We would still be together and Charlie would still be alive."

My throat burned as I tried and failed in holding back the tears. Hot tears poured over my cheeks as I shook my head in an attempt to tell him he was wrong; I couldn't form words. Edward came to me immediately and tried to comfort me but I pushed him away, finding the courage I needed.

I stepped around Edward. "No, Jake, we wouldn't still be together. I didn't want to be with you! We broke up before I went to London. Why is that so hard for you to understand? I didn't want to be romantically involved with you then, and I don't now." I cried and I could taste my tears in the corner of my lips. "Maybe my Dad would still be here if I hadn't of gone, but I couldn't possibly have foreseen that. Renee probably would've done it anyway and placed the blame on someone else, whoever was convenient for her at the time."

Jake shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Bella."

I sighed. "I don't want you to hate me, Jacob, but I'm tired of fighting like this. You can either grow up and apologize and we can move on from here and try to be amicable or you can leave, forget about me, and leave Edward and I alone."

Jake hesitated for a moment. "I just can't believe you're marrying this guy! We were together for years, Bella! You were with him all of six months before you were sent away. I just don't understand!"

"I'm done, Jacob. You wouldn't understand. You never understood me. Edward and I love each other and we have been through a lot together. We're getting married and having a baby whether you understand it or not." What I said didn't exactly dawn on me until I saw Edward's eyes grow large and Jacob's face pale as he looked at Edward and I.

"Oh, shit," I said, quietly.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Jake said as he turned to leave.

I didn't know what else to say to him, so I just let him go. He looked crushed. Maybe now he'll really get it through his head that we will never be together again. The door slammed loudly behind him.

Edward took a deep breath and blew it out. "That went well," he said sarcastically.

I shook my head. "When will it all stop, Edward? I'm so sick of it. I want out of here! I want to go back to London where I'm not considered a murderer and a whore," I nearly screamed.

Edward opened his arms to me and I fell right into his embrace. He gently rubbed my back. "It will be over soon, Bella. Sooner than you realize."

I looked up at him through tear filled eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we're returning to London as soon as we can."

"Really?" I asked.

Edward nodded. "There's no reason for us to stay here anymore."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "I can't wait. I can't wait to feel normal again and not feel like I'm being judged all the time."

Edward's finger tips danced momentarily across my shoulders and collarbones before his hands found their way to my face. He cupped my face gently and kissed me softly. He tasted so good. "You're so beautiful," he whispered against my lips. I couldn't help but smile.

We slowly walked backwards towards the bed, our lips never parted, our roaming hands never stopped.

He laid me down gently after slowly removing my dress and shoes. The way he looked at me made me feel like the sexiest woman on earth. He licked his lips as he took me in with his eyes. My mouth watered for what was yet to come. He finally covered my body with his own and I began to undress him. Once bare, I couldn't help but admire the ring on my left hand as it roamed up his strong chest. I could feel his erection pressing firmly at my entrance, my lace panties the only thing between us.

He placed open mouthed kisses down my neck and across my collarbone as his hands went to my back and unsnapped my bra. Once free before him, his mouth and hands massaged my sensitive peaks and my back automatically arched in response. He eventually continued South and I squirmed when he kissed and nipped at my hip while he slid my panties down my legs.

I ached to feel his touch in one specific place. Just as I was about to start begging, his mouth suddenly covered my bundle of nerves and sucked it between his lips. I felt my entire body go limp and the pleasure consume me. I noticed that I was much more sensitive sense I had become pregnant, and so far, it wasn't a bad thing. As his lips danced over me, his fingers moved inside me in perfect rhythm. It was all becoming too much and I quickly felt myself began to tense up, from my the tips of my toes to my scalp. I began to feel hot and tingly all over as my body was nearing the height of pleasure. My hips bucked against him and my fingers tangled in his hair as I pressed his face down into me and my hips up into him, begging him not to stop. My eyes squeezed closed tightly and all I could see was blackness mixed with white spots as he sent me over the edge into a pleasurable tailspin.

As I began to relax and come down from my climax, I pulled his face up to mine and kissed him. I tasted myself on him and thanked him for being so generous. His grin made me smile and made me want to please him as well as he had pleased me. I pushed at his shoulders, encouraging him to turn over, onto his back. I straddled him and slid up and down the length of his erection while I kissed him and told him how much I loved him. I could tell by the way his eyes rolled back and the way his hands gripped my hips anxiously, that he wanted the same thing I did.

I propped myself up and positioned him at my entrance before sliding down on his full length. I moaned his name as he filled me completely. He felt amazing and huge within me. His hands frantically roamed my body as I rode him, until I took them in mine to help me balance myself above him. I could feel him growing impossibly larger inside me and his grip on my hands tightened so much that I had to release his hands for fear that he would brake my fingers. His eyes squeezed closed and his hands instantly went to my hips where he began to guide me at a faster pace. I could tell by the look on his face that he was close, so I increased my pace as I felt my insides tighten around him. The friction our bodies created was becoming too much for me and I felt myself near the edge again. I moved faster, begging him to come with me. His eyes opened and we focused only on each other until the pleasure was too much for both of us. I could feel his release inside me as I reached my climax and felt my entire body shudder in absolute pleasure. I collapsed on top of him, exhausted. My face nuzzled the crook of his neck. The palm of one of his hands lay relaxed across my rear as his fingers on his other hand drew tiny circles on my shoulder. "Edward..." I breathed.

"Bella..."

I smiled and laughed. I kissed his jaw. "I love you. That was amazing, times two."

Edward gave my ass a squeeze. "I'm so fucking lucky. You're the hottest little momma I've ever seen."

"I won't be for long!" I teased.

"Whatever," he countered. "You'll just get more beautiful."

"We'll see," I said as I lifted up and let him slide out of me. I moved off of him and to his side.

We held each other as we rested and discussed plans for our future. We decided that we wanted to get married before the baby came, which meant soon, because I didn't want to look pregnant in wedding photos.

Edward's cell phone ringing interrupted our planning. I let him go so he could get his phone. He reached for his pants on the floor and pulled his cell phone from the pocket.

"Hey, Dad," he answered. "Oh, really? How much? What floor? Okay, yeah. We'll make plans to get there are soon as we can." He grinned. "It went well, she said yes."

I smiled. His dad knew what he was up to tonight. I'm glad they approved.

"I will. Tell mother we said hello. Love you, too. Bye."

Edward placed his phone on the nightstand. "Dad said a flat just came on the market in their building. He said we should take a look at it. It'd be nice to be that close to them, I think."

I laughed. "It would be good. You're parents are great and we will need all the help we can get."

"I suppose you're right. I'll get some travel arrangements together for us tomorrow."

I kissed his chest. "Okay. I'm sleepy."

He kissed the top of my head. "Get some rest, love."

I felt warm and safe. I felt like things were finally starting to move in the right direction. I was starting to feel more confident about being a mom. Thoughts of what our little jelly bean would look like were the last ones I had before I drifted into a peaceful slumber.

****Author's Note: Sorry for the delay with this one, but better late than never! The story is winding down, but there are a couple chapters to go. In the meantime, be on the lookout for my next story - What Wicked Games We Play. It's been in the works for a long time and I couldn't quite decide if I was going to post it or not because it has a lot of personal aspects to it. It's extremely x-rated, so beware. I'm hoping to have the first chapter posted soon. I'm also working on a sequel to Repentance, but I'm not sure when it will post.

Thank you to those of you who faithfully review every chapter. 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail dot com.


	27. Elusive Reality  Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

Bella

Although I was grateful, things moved faster than I expected. Edward and I were almost immediately on a plane to London. The flat that was for sale in Edward's parents' building was really lovely. It was two floors below theirs, but still had a great view of the city. It wasn't as large as Mr. and Mrs. Cullens' place but it was still more than I was used to. It had three bedrooms. The master bedroom was quite large and had a recently upgraded large en suite. The second bedroom was nice size, but the third was smaller. Edward said it could be our office.

The kitchen and living areas were very open and there were large windows that let in a lot of light. The hardwood floors were in great condition and the kitchen had also been recently updated. I really couldn't find anything I didn't like about it. Of course, I wasn't hard to please after being locked in a small room for so long.

"Well, what do you think? Do you like it, or do you want to look at a few others?" Edward asked.

I meandered around the large empty living area. "How much is it?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter how much it is, Bella. Do you like it? Can you see us here, raising a child?"

I sighed. I knew he was going to be difficult about this. "Yes, I like it. I like that we're so close to your parents and that our child will be raised so close to their grandparents. I want him or her to have a relationship with their grandmother similar to the one I had growing up. I just don't want you to spend too much. Please, Edward. I owe you so much."

He gave me a warning glare, and I knew I was fighting a battle I couldn't win. He stepped towards me and took my hands in his. His fingers danced across the shiny diamond on my left hand. "You will be my wife, soon. What is mine is yours. My wife and my child will have the best of everything. Money should be your last concern, Bella. Please, just let me be a man and a father and provide for my wife and child."

I hate when he put it like that. "I just don't like being left out of the loop. Money was a big deal to me growing up. I had to work to pay for my school, my car, or anything else that I needed. I just don't like relying on someone else. That isn't me."

"Well, what if you contribute as well? Would that make you feel better."

I nodded. "But how? Nobody will give me a job. I've practically disappeared from life for two years and never finished my degree, and I'm knocked up."

Edward laughed and took a deep breath. "You're so impatient."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Just trust me. Okay? Do you like this flat? Do you want to live here?"

"I love it," I said honestly.

"Okay, then. The rest will fall into place." He took my hand as he lead me back to the foyer where Carlisle, Esme and Carlisle's relator were waiting.

"Let's get the offer worked up," Edward announced.

Esme beamed and hugged Edward's neck. "I'm so happy! I cannot wait to have you so close."

Carlisle, always the practical one spoke next. "Bella, do you like it?"

"Of course, it's beautiful."

"Very well, then. I know you guys feel like you have to do everything right away, but there's no rush."

Edward and I looked at each other. We hadn't told his parents about the baby. Only that we were engaged and didn't see the point in waiting to live our lives. They knew we were eager to get back to London and get a place together, but they didn't know the full reason behind it.

"Mr. Winston, would you mind if we had a few moments alone with my parents?"

Mr. Winston, the realtor, graciously stepped out the main door. I guess Edward was planning on telling them now. It didn't matter to me. I didn't want some grand gesture to announce that I was expecting.

"What is it?" Esme immediately asked, concerned.

"Well, there is a small reason that we're in a bit of a rush, so to speak."

"Oh?" Esme and Carlisle looked at each other.

"What is it, son?" Carlisle asked.

I felt Edward squeeze my hand in his.

"Bella and I are expecting."

Esme's smile stretched as far as it could.

"Expecting what?" Carlisle asked.

I cringed inside. I hoped he wasn't going to be upset with us.

"A baby!" Esme shrieked as she came to hug me.

Her excitement made me laugh. It felt good that someone was happy for us.

"Oh, really? Wow. Isn't that something. A baby?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm going to be a dad," Edward said, as if he didn't believe it himself.

"How far along? Boy or girl?" Esme asked.

"Um..." I counted in my head. "I'm right at 19 weeks. We don't know the gender. We missed our appointment to be here."

"Oh, well I know a great doctor here. I'm sure she can get you in right away."

"Oh, that would be great." I had been worried about finding a doctor in London.

"Well, let's get this offer written up. I'll be making dinner this evening to celebrate the good news!" Esme beamed.

Edward and I smiled and followed after Carlisle and Esme to go find the realtor.

Dinner that evening was exceptional. Edward told me that he and his sister had become closer since she discovered the truth about me. She seemed happier than anyone that I was pregnant. It felt good to be accepted by all of them. In a strange away, it felt like I was home. I realized, I was home. This was the only home I had now and these people were the only family I had.

Edward and I were on our way back to his flat after dinner. I was so full I could hardly move. He parked the car and opened the door for me.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" he asked.

I really wanted to collapse onto a bed and go into a food induced coma, but there was a sparkle in his eye that told me I should say yes.

I immediately realized where we were going. My old flat.

"I cannot believe you kept it all this time."

"I almost didn't," he said.

We walked quietly to the next block and took the lift to my old flat. It felt so weird being back in the building. It was hard to imagine what all I had been through since the last time I was here.

Edward unlocked the door and flipped on the light switch. There were a few boxes on the floor and an empty one by the door. Otherwise, nothing had changed. I went to the bed and laid across it. It felt so good. It felt like home. "Can we keep it?" I asked.

He smiled and laughed. "Of course we can."

He joined me on the bed and I curled up into his side. "I thought I'd never be back here again, with you."

"Me either," I whispered. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For keeping it; for saving it for me."

I felt him smile against my temple. "I spent a lot of lonely nights here after you were gone. I just felt closer to you here. This was all I had left of you."

"At least you had something. I had nothing. Sometimes, especially early on, I didn't even know if you were real. All I had were foggy memories, and I wasn't even sure if those were real or not."

He sighed as his fingertips slowly went up and down my arm. "I'm glad this is almost over. I'm so happy that you're coming home."

I looked up at him and smiled. "It feels like home."

"I'm never letting you leave the country by yourself again."

I laughed. "Sounds good to me."

He kissed me and we snuggled on my old bed for a while longer before finally getting up and returning to his flat.

A few days later, Edward returned to Phoenix to tie up our lose ends and he insisted on me staying in London. I wanted to stay. The trip wasn't easy for me to make. I was increasingly tired and irritable. Not to mention, my back was killing me. However, I felt bad that I didn't get to say goodbye to Bree and Alice. He insisted it would be better if I stayed in London and started packing our flats and planning our wedding.

Our offer on the new flat was accepted. We closed in less than 30 days. I suppose there was a lot to be done in order to get ready for the move. I eventually relented and allowed him to go without me.

In the few days that he was gone, I managed to get a lot done. I got everything out of my flat that I wanted to keep, with the exception of the bed.

I started to pack some things up at Edward's flat until I randomly got on his computer to check my old university email.

Bad idea.

Not only had he emailed me a dozen times demanding an explanation for my disappearance, but so had my classmates and professors. I felt horrible. How do I explain to people that my mother killed my father and then blamed it on me and as a result I spent the last year and half locked up? Oh, and it was just a big misunderstanding. I'm back now, and I'm pregnant and Edward and I are getting married in a few weeks.

I put my head in my heads. It sounded crazy. It was crazy.

I changed directions and scoured the internet for baby room ideas to get my mind off of the life I left behind here. After a few hours I became frustrated of not knowing the sex of the baby and turned the computer off. I contacted Esme about the doctor she suggested before I returned to packing.

"When are you coming home?" I whined to Edward on the phone.

"I've got everything taken care of here. I'll be in L.A. tomorrow to take care of some things and then I'll be back in London tomorrow night," Edward said.

"Good. I miss you. I'm tired of packing."

Edward laughed. "I'll finish the rest of it when I get home. Did you find a dress?"

"I haven't looked." He's been on my case about finding a wedding dress.

"Why not? It's two weeks away."

"Because, I'll probably be ten pounds heavier by then," I lied. Dress shopping completely depressed me. Moms and best friends are supposed to do that sort of thing with you. I had neither.

Edward sighed. "Well, don't leave it until the last minute. It may need alternations and that sort of thing."

"Oh, I'm sure it will," I said sarcastically.

Edward was quiet for a moment. "Do you want to marry me, Bella?"

I was momentarily stunned into silence. "Of course I do. Why would you say that?"

"You just don't seem that excited about the idea. I thought most women started designing their wedding dress when they turned six years old."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. It doesn't mean I don't want you. It's hard for me. I just thought things would be different, you know? Dress shopping with my mom; my dad walking me down the aisle..."

"I know it doesn't make it better, but my mum would be thrilled to go with you. In fact, she keeps asking why you haven't asked her to join you."

I smiled. I loved his mom. "I know. It's just emotional for me. I'll get it together. I promise."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow night. Have the house cleaned for me."

"Ha!" I laughed. "I'll have your maid come before you get back."

Edward laughed, too. "I actually did have a weekly house keeper before I came to the states."

"You wouldn't know it by looking at the place," I teased. His laughter made me smile.

"I'll see you soon. I love you. Tell the jelly bean hi for me."

"I will. We love you, too."

Dress shopping a few days later with Esme was a complete disaster. I hated everything I tried on. I hated everything she suggested. I cried when some of the dresses made me look pregnant, although Esme insisted it wasn't noticeable. Needless to say, we left empty handed. Edward was not happy.

"You cannot get married without a dress!" he insisted.

"I know, Edward! I just didn't like them. They weren't me and the ones I did like were too fitted and I looked pregnant."

"You are pregnant!"

"I know, but I don't want our wedding day to be remembered that way!"

Edward muttered something under his breath that I couldn't hear.

"What?" I asked, as I approached him with my hands on my hips.

"Nothing."

"What did you say?" I asked.

"I said, we're getting married in a week and you don't have a dress."

I sighed. "I'll get one. I just didn't have luck today. I don't know why it matters anyway. There will only be 20 or so people there."

"That's because you insisted on a small wedding."

"No, it's because I have no one to invite but your friends and family."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is, Edward."

"Whatever. I've got an errand to run. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"Where are you going?"

He kissed my forehead. "Just some things I need to take care of." With that, he was out the door before I could speak. I tried to hold myself together. I felt terrible. I knew I was ruining this for him, but it was hard. I never imagined getting married like this, so quickly and without my family. I had no doubts about Edward, I knew he was meant to be my husband. It was just difficult to be excited about it when nothing was going according to plan. Edward even had his bachelor party planned for the Thursday before the wedding. I glanced at the calendar on the fridge. That was only four days away. I couldn't stop myself from bursting into tears. I was so emotional. I felt sorry for myself. I felt so alone. Edward would be out celebrating while I stayed here by myself. I thought about calling Angela, but having to explain the time that I've been gone was too daunting. Instead, I curled up on the couch and cried myself to sleep.

The next four days were just about the same. If it weren't for Esme, I don't think Edward and I would be getting married. She was taking care of everything. Flowers, food, reception, etc. I really didn't care about any of it, except I did want hot pink tulips. They were my favorite when I was little. My grandmother and I would plant them every year. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hardly noticed Edward had woken up and was nuzzling my neck.

"It's time to get up, baby."

I looked at the clock. "It's barely 8:00 a.m. Jelly bean likes to sleep," I groaned.

Edward laughed and kissed the crook of my neck. "Bella likes to sleep."

"I do, and besides, I'm not getting out of bed at all today. I'm staying right here and waiting for you to get home safely from your bachelor party."

Edward laughed loudly. "Wrong. You will be getting out of bed, because I have a surprise for you."

I rolled over and looked at him. "What surprise?"

"You won't know until you get up and get ready," he teased.

I gave him a questioning look. "Get ready? For what? Do I have to actually make myself look presentable?" I whined. I yawned. "I was really planning on staying in bed all day and watching day time TV."

Edward laughed. "I promise you will enjoy what I have planned a lot more than day time TV. You can dress comfortably. In fact, I've taken care of that as well," he said as he crawled out of bed.

I sat up to see where he was going. He went to his dresser and pulled out a pink box from the bottom drawer. He took it to the en suite and returned to bed empty handed. "You can open it after you get out of the shower."

He had me really curious now. I gave in and crawled out of bed, grabbed some clean undergarments and headed to the shower.

As soon as I stepped out of the shower, I could smell breakfast. Bacon to be exact. It felt like the jelly bean started doing cart wheels. I was starving. I examined myself in the mirror and placed my hands on my baby bump, disappointed that I couldn't physically feel the movement. Maybe it was my stomach doing cartwheels. I examined myself from the front, the back, each side, etc. I was definitely growing. Fast. If I wasn't getting married in two and half days, I wouldn't care. I'd be elated to see the little bean growing. I just didn't want to look pregnant in our wedding photos. I had hopes of hanging some of the photos in our new flat and I knew I wouldn't if I looked pregnant.

I became increasingly frustrated when my breasts spilled over the cups of my bra. While it was frustrating, it was sort of fascinating as well. I'd never had much in the way of a chest before. I made a mental note to go bra shopping.

Time to explore the pink box. I pulled on the dark pink ribbon to release the bow that adorned the light pink box. I lifted the lid carefully and observed a white terry cloth zip-up jacket with a hood, along with a light pink tank top and white terry cloth pants to match. It was like a little lounging outfit. It looked really comfortable and felt amazing. I slipped the pants on first and then the tank top. I couldn't believe how big I was getting. The pants were almost too tight on my butt, but I'm sure Edward would like it. My little baby bump was cute under the pink tank top that hugged me tightly. I slipped on the jacket and zipped it half way up. It felt so nice and warm. It wasn't until I turned to the side in the mirror that I noticed something written in pink on the back of the jacket. Mrs. Cullen. Ah! My eyes nearly popped out of my head and I quickly took the jacket off to examine it more closely. I looked at the back and ran my fingertips over the light pink embroidery. I smiled. I loved it. I slipped on the jacket again and as I was going to zip it up I noticed more light pink embroidery on the inside at the bottom. To the left of the zipper on the inside of the jacket was the word Baby and on the right side was the word Cullen. I smiled and rubbed my baby bump. "You're so loved already. You have the best daddy in the world, besides mine." I felt sad for a minute thinking about my father. I was sad that he would never get to meet his grandchild. More importantly, I was sad that my son or daughter would never meet my dad.

I took a deep breath and continued to get ready, reminding myself that my child would have such a wonderful set of grandparents in Carlisle and Esme.

I went out to the kitchen to find Edward at the small table, waiting. Breakfast was already plated and in front of him. I went over to him and squeezed myself between him and the table and sat in his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck just before I kissed him. "I love it, Edward. I absolutely love it. Thank you so much. It makes me feel special."

He smiled and kissed me again. "You are special, love."

I smiled. "It's starting to feel real, all of it."

"Did you see the Baby Cullen?"

"I did. I love that it's on the inside, too."

"I figured you didn't want that displayed to everyone." He kissed me on the cheek. "Go eat your breakfast. We're a little behind schedule," he said as he looked at his watch.

"Behind schedule?" I asked. "You mean there's more? This wasn't it?"

Edward laughed loudly. "Of course there's more!"

I shook my head and jumped off of him and took my seat at the table. Breakfast looked amazing.

"Bella, come on. We're late, already!"

"I'm almost finished!" I yelled from the bathroom. I wanted to curl my hair. I hadn't felt pretty in a while. I always felt bloated and hungry. I had no idea where we were going, or what we were doing, but I wanted to look decent.

I eventually emerged from the bathroom. Edward was waiting at the door. "You're glowing," he said. "You look beautiful."

I smiled. "Thank you." I kissed his lips briefly. "Let's go."

I was excited when we pulled up outside the Bliss Spa in London. I was even more excited to see what was waiting for me inside.

"Oh my God!" I screamed. I turned to look Edward and didn't know who to run to first. I turned away from Edward and ran into the arms of Alice, Bree and Angela, who were wearing light pink terry cloth lounge wear. All of the girls were smiling, laughing, screaming, and jumping up and down. I eventually pulled away from their grips. I wiped at my tear filled eyes. "I missed all of you so much!" I turned to look at Edward. "Are they staying for the wedding?"

He practically rolled his eyes at me. "Of course, Bella."

I smiled so wide that my cheeks hurt. I hugged Edward's neck and feeling his arms around me was something I could just never take for granted anymore. "I love you. Thank you so much. You're the best almost husband ever!"

He laughed. "I'm glad you're happy, finally!"

I laughed, too. "I love you, baby. So much."

He kissed me. "I love you, too. Now, you've got a full day of relaxation and pampering ahead with your girlfriends. My flat is yours tonight. My credit card is in the dresser if you want to order take out and the fridge is stocked with wine, for them, not you. I'll be home late."

I smiled. "Okay. Be good tonight."

"I will. See you soon, okay?"

I nodded and kissed his cheek.

"Oh, and Bella? Don't forget you still need a dress!"

I rolled my eyes. "I won't forget! Get out of here."

He blew me a kiss before he left the spa and I turned around to the three girls that I couldn't wait to catch up with. I missed them so much, especially Alice. I didn't even know she was out of the hospital yet, although I knew the date was quickly approaching. I grinned from ear to ear, especially when I looked at Bree. She looked like she had grown up so much since I last saw her.

"Come on, Momma! Pedicures are up first!" Alice said.

I smiled and went to join them. It was going to be an amazing day. Little did I know at the time, Alice was keeping a big secret from me.

Author's Note: Hi! First off, of course, I'm SOO sorry about the delay with this chapter. August was a rough month for me. I was up for a promotion at work, had to pass two state licensing exams, and it all resulted in a lot of overtime. So, unfortunately, writing was put on the back burner. BUT, now it's all done, and I got the promotion (woot woot! It's going to be hard work and will probably result in even longer hours, but I needed it). I'm hoping to get back on schedule with writing, though.

So...there ya have it! Stay tuned for Alice's secret...I'll hopefully have the next one posted within a week or so.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com.


	28. Elusive Reality  Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

Bella

My spa day was incredible! It felt so good to be back with people that really knew me and knew what happened. Alice and Bree filled Angela in on the past couple of years, and she was so great about everything. She knew I would never be capable of doing what I was initially accused of. She also couldn't believe that Edward was so smitten and even settling down.

Our day started out with pedicures and included manicures, facials, massages, mud baths and so on. I really wanted to pass out for a few hours, I was that relaxed. When it came time to leave, it dawned on me that I didn't have a way home. I assumed we would take a taxi until we all walked outside and saw a limousine at the curb with a gentleman holding a sign that read "Cullen." Bree was extremely excited.

"This is awesome! I've never been in a limo before!" Bree jumped in first and I climbed in behind her. Edward thinks of everything.

The girls had a glass of wine on the way to our next destination while I had some juice.

"Bree, don't tell anyone we let you drink. I know you're not legal," I teased.

Bree laughed. "My lips are sealed!"

"Where are we going, anyway?" I finally asked when I realized we were not going in the right direction to be going to Edward's.

"We're going to our hotel. I wanted to show you something," Alice said.

"Oh, okay."

About twenty minutes later we were dropped off at a pretty nice hotel in the heart of London. The girls were all sharing a suite. It was really nice.

"Did Edward pay for all of this?" I asked.

The girls all looked at each other, clearly wondering what they should say.

"I guess that means he did, and he told you not to tell me. Am I right?"

They all smiled and nodded their heads in unison.

"That should be the least of your concerns, Bella. You're getting married in two days and you don't have a dress!" Alice said sternly.

I groaned. "I know. Is that next on the list of activities? Dress shopping? I'm too tired."

"Well, it is next actually. I wanted to show you something first." Alice went to her extremely large suitcase and pulled out a large garment bag. She pulled out a beautiful ivory wedding dress.

"It's beautiful Alice, who's is it?"

"Well, I was working on it before I was in the hospital. I just finished it up before we came here. It was just a sample for my collection, but I brought it because Edward told me you didn't have a dress."

I ran my hands over it, observing the detail. It was magnificent. It was definitely something I could see Alice making. She was such a perfectionist. Apparently her parents wouldn't consider paying for her fashion degree to further her career until she was certified sane. Alice volunteered to check herself into the hospital and be completely evaluated. She told me she just lied her way through all the questions the doctors asked. She was eventually diagnosed with a mild case of multiple personality disorder, but we all knew better.

"Just try it on. I can still alter it if you like it. The concierge can get me a sewing machine; I already checked. I also brought some extra fabric, zippers, buttons, etc. I have everything I need to make it work."

I smiled and unzipped my hooded jacket and stepped out of my pants. I turned away from the girls and slipped off the pink tank top. Alice gathered the dress at my feet and I stepped into it. She slowly pulled it up my torso and began zipping it in the back. I watched it hug me tighter and tighter in the mirror. I could tell it wouldn't zip all the way. I pouted. I loved it. It had a strapless bodice with subtle ruching and ruffled trim, along with an empire waist with beaded detail. It was a fit and flare style and it did hide my baby bump better than some of the other dresses I tried on, but it was too tight around my bust.

"Don't worry. This is an easy fix. I can let it out just a little bit and if we get you a better bra it will be perfect. You don't look pregnant at all."

I turned to the side and examined myself in the mirror. She was right, I looked curvy in the right places but not pregnant.

I didn't cry until she walked up behind me and put a matching veil on. It was beautiful. For the first time, I felt truly excited about the wedding. Best of all, Alice made it. I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. Once it was altered, it would be perfect. I couldn't wait for Edward to see me. I wondered momentarily if Alice knew the way this all would pan out. Did she see this as my dress and make for me?

"I love it, Alice. I absolutely love it. Are you sure you can make it work?"

"I'm certain! Trust me!"

I laughed. She was right. "Okay, I'll take it. How much?"

Alice burst out laughing. "No way. You're not paying me."

"Oh, yes I am."

"NO! You're not."

I put my hands on my hips and groaned. "Alice!"

"No. Absolutely not. It's my gift."

I sighed. "But, Alice, I'm sure this was expensive to make."

She stubbornly shook her head.

"Fine, will you at least be my maid of honor?"

Alice grinned from ear to ear. "Well, actually..." She went back to her suitcase and pulled out another garment bag. She revealed a short hot pink strapless organza dress with a ruched waist. It would go perfectly with the hot pink tulips I requested.

I smiled so large it hurt. All this time I felt like our wedding would be a let down, especially for me. I didn't even have a maid of honor until now. Everything was finally falling into place.

I gave Alice a big hug. "Thank you so much. For everything. If it weren't for you, I don't know that any of this would be happening."

Alice squeezed me tighter and kissed my cheek. "What are friends for?"

We were all pretty exhausted after all the excitement with the dresses and decided to go back to Edward's to just relax and hang out. We all got in in our pajamas and made big pallets in the floor and watched old movies we grew up on. We were between movies when Bree started talking about the baby. She was curious. She had never made it this far with her pregnancies.

"Can I see the ultrasound pictures of the jelly bean?" she asked.

"Of course! They're on the fridge," I responded.

"Beans!" Alice said.

Bree, Angela and I turned to look at Alice. In unison we all said, "Beans?"

"Oh. Shit." Alice put her head in her hands. I heard her mumble, "I thought you knew," while she shook her head.

My heart stopped beating. Jelly Beans? Plural? As in, more than one? Multiple? Two? Three? Oh my God. I felt sick. The room was spinning and someone was knocking on Edward's door. Pizza. The pizza guy. I couldn't move. My feet wouldn't work and the room was out of air.

I watched in slow motion as Alice jumped up to get the door.

I snapped out of it when I saw Jasper. Why is he here? He's supposed to be with Edward.

"Uh, Hi ladies. I'm willing to bet I'm in the wrong place."

Alice stood there with her mouth hanging open, just staring at him.

I walked up behind her and nudged her. "Hey, Jazz. This is my friend Alice. The guys were meeting at Emmett's."

"Hi, Alice. It's really nice to meet you."

Alice smiled and shook her head.

"Well, I'll let you get back to the fun." Jasper turned to leave.

"Take care of him, Jasper."

Jasper turned around and looked at me. "Of course, Bella. There's nothing better that could happen to him, other than you."

I smiled hesitantly. "Thank you."

I closed the door and Alice was still standing there like a fish, with her mouth open. "Alice?"

She turned and leaned against the door. "That was my husband. He's even more beautiful in person."

Bree, Angela and I looked at each other. Sometimes I wasn't sure how to handle Alice's gift. What do you say? Congratulations? I'm sure things will work out? Of course they will...you already know...everything.

"He's a great guy." It's all I could come up with.

"Okay, so back to the important stuff..." Bree chimed in. "Did you say jelly beans?"

I felt my stomach turn again. I felt sick.

Alice bit her lip and nodded her head. "I won't tell you the gender...unless you want me to."

I shook my head and ran to the bathroom before I threw up everything I had eaten the past week. I was sweating and cold at the same time. How is that possible? I wanted to be alone and all the girls were fussing over me. As I sat with my face in the toilet, which needed to be cleaned, I started thinking more rationally. The ultrasound photos were on the fridge. There is one jelly bean. That's it. There was one heart beat. I heard it.

I lifted my head. It felt like it weighed a ton. "Are you ever wrong?" I asked Alice.

"Will it make you feel better if I say yes?" She asked as she rubbed my back up and down.

I nodded my head.

"Okay then, I'm always wrong."

Bree and Angela laughed.

Alice's expression turned serious. "For the record though, you have the happiest ending, Bella." Alice looked away from me, like she was watching something that wasn't there. "It's so beautiful."

"It?" I asked. Were we back to one?

"Your life. It's beautiful."

I sighed and felt nauseous again.

The girls put me to bed with some water and crackers. I overheard Angela and Bree asking all kinds of questions to Alice about their futures. I fell asleep somewhere around Bree and Jacob getting together. For some reason, it made me smile.

I smelt him before I felt him. The smell of whiskey. Ugh. It was overwhelming. My stomach was doing cart wheels. If I moved, I'd vomit. I felt his arms come around me and his lips on my bare shoulder.

"Baby, I missed you."

I glanced at the clock. It was almost 2:00 a.m. He was clearly drunk. I mean, I expected that, but I could not deal with that horrible whiskey smell. I pushed his hands away. "I cannot deal with you smelling like a bottle of whiskey and smoke. It makes me sick."

I heard him pout and retreat away from me.

I sighed. "Go brush your teeth and take a quick shower and then come back."

Edward groaned and pulled on my shirt. "Come with me. I'll need help with the hard to reach places," he laughed.

He made me smile. I hoped he would want me like this forever. "You're a big boy. You can do it yourself. I'm tired. I've had quite an eventful day."

He smiled at me with closed eyes. I held my breath so I wasn't assaulted by the whiskey smell. "Did you have fun?" he asked.

I wasn't exactly sure how to classify the last part of the day. I wasn't sure if fun would be the correct word.

"We had fun, yes. It was full of revelations. I have some things I should probably tell you."

He opened his eyes. They were red and bloodshot, but he was surprisingly alert. "What?"

"Go shower first. I can't breathe! Our jelly bean is going to have it's first hang over before it's even born!"

Edward laughed loudly and went to kiss me before I turned away. He rolled out of bed, shoes still on, and headed to the bathroom.

I took a deep breath, finally able to breathe. I laid in bed and listened to the shower run while I stared at the ceiling. I wondered if I should even tell him about the potential of two. Alice could be wrong. She had to be. There is only one bean in the picture on the fridge. Our doctor's appointment is the week after our wedding. Maybe I should just wait. I know Edward will be happy about it anyway, but God, it made me so nervous. Two? What on Earth would I do with two babies? How big will I get? Will it hurt? What will I look like afterwards? Will Edward still want me? How will we handle Renee's trial and traveling with two babies. Two babies who will never get to meet their grandfather.

I felt the tears sting my eyes again. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. I missed my dad so much. I know he was upset about "losing me" to Edward, but I know he would've come around. He would've been so happy to have grandchildren. He would've been the best grandpa.

I jumped and turned over when the bathroom door opened and Edward emerged in the light. He turned the light off quickly, but I could tell he was only wearing boxer briefs and he looked amazing. His hair was still damp and all over the place.

I hoped he hadn't seen my tears. I felt him snuggle in behind me. He felt so good, and warm. He smelled fresh and clean and yummy. He felt like safety. I wiggled out of his embrace and rolled over, facing him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tight. One of his arms came around me and rubbed my back.

"What's wrong, Bella?" he said hesitantly.

"I'm scared, Edward. I'm so scared," I cried.

He pulled back a little so he could see my face. "Of what, baby?"

"Everything."

"What are you saying? You're afraid to get married?"

I scoffed, nearly laughing. "No." That was the least of my fears. "I'm just worried. I just don't know if I'm going to be good at this mother thing."

Edward kissed my forehead. "Bella, stop. You're going to be wonderful. You love completely and selflessly and any child would be lucky to have you as their mother."

I sighed, unsure.

"Is that what you had to tell me?" he asked.

I shook my head. I still wasn't sure if I should even mention it, but it all just came tumbling out of mouth. "Alice said there are two jelly beans, not one. I found a wedding dress. Alice is going to be my maid of honor. Japser is Alice's husband."

I could feel practically feel his face wrinkle up in confusion. "Wait, what? Jasper got married? When? He didn't tell me! He certainly acted single tonight."

I nudged Edward and sighed. "The future, Edward. She can see the future."

"Ohhh. Wow, that will be interesting. She's a little feisty for Jasper."

I waited for Edward to comment on the jelly beans.

"I'm glad you found a dress. Don't you feel better now? What does it look like?"

I was stunned into silence.

"Bella?"

"You'll see the dress on Saturday. Did you hear what I said about jelly beans?"

Edward shrugged. "Yea, we'll have two. So what? You didn't expect this to be our one and only bean did you? We're still young," he said as he reached down to touch my baby bump.

I sighed and shook my head. I should've told Edward when he was sober. "No, Edward. Two right now. She said there are two inside me. Right now."

Edward's head shot back. "What? Like Twins? Are you sure?"

"No, I'm not sure. Alice is sure. She said she's not usually wrong. I guess we'll find out next week. Surely there is a mistake. There's only one bean in the last ultrasound picture. I only heard one heart beat."

Edward ran his hand through his messy hair.

I continued, "I mean, don't twins usually run in the family somewhere? There are no twins on my side."

Edward looked me in the eye and squeezed his arms around me tighter. "My mom was a twin. Her grandfather was a twin."

"You never told me you had an aunt? There are two of Esme? How wonderful!"

Edward shook his head. "No, no. She had a brother. A twin brother. He died shortly after they were born."

"Oh. Oh, God. That's awful." That brought on a whole new set of worries.

"That would be so awesome if we had two," Edward said.

"Why would that be awesome? It's twice the work, twice the worry..."

"Twice the love."

I smiled. Edward was such a girl sometimes, but I guess he was right.

"And besides, I know you don't know what it's like, but it's pretty cool growing up with a sibling. Even though Rose is a complete psychotic bitch at times, we had our moments growing up. She looked out for me until I got taller than her."

I laughed. He was right. I would want my child to have a sibling, I guess I just wasn't expecting it to happen at the same time. I was so wired. I wanted to know right now.

"Mom will be over the moon, especially if they're boys. She always said she felt like a part of her was missing and she didn't even know him."

"Can we wait to tell anyone until we're sure? I don't want to disappoint anyone."

"Of course, Bella." His lips found mine in the dark room and everything felt perfect. To imagine how much my life had changed in such a short amount of time was completely overwhelming. I loved Edward so much.

"You want to try for triplets?" he teased as his hands found their way under my shirt.

I giggled. "That's not how it works, but yea, we can try."

We spent the next hour and half absolutely worshiping each other. It dawned on me at some point that our nights spent making love to each other like this were about to become extremely limited, if occurring at all. It made me even more desperate for him.

By the time I eventually fell asleep, I was completely sated and warmed to the bone with Edward's love. I couldn't wait to be his wife.

Author's Note: So, I guess Alice had a few secrets up her sleeve. Wedding bells in the next chapter!


	29. Elusive Reality  Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

I never imagined anything quite as beautiful as our wedding day. It wasn't the church, the perfect blue sky, or the flowers. It was Edward. It was the way he looked at me. It was the way my heart beat uncontrollably in my chest as I walked down the aisle, alone, towards him, towards my life. It was the way I felt in the dress Alice made. I felt beautiful. I'm sure everything else was probably perfect, too, but I didn't notice anything but Edward - only Edward, and his perfection. His eyes, his lips, his vows to me. All the promises he made us, they were never ending and I knew he would keep every single one of them. He would never give up on us. He had already proven that to me.

When the officiant finally told Edward he could kiss his bride, I could hardly see through my happy tears. I felt Edward's soft lips on mine as we sealed our promises to each other. I could taste my tears between us. I felt him pull back a little as the pad of his thumb swept away the tears beneath my eyes. "I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

I smiled so wide. It felt good to be a Cullen. I kissed him again and told him I loved him as the small crowd cheered.

There was a small reception at Esme and Carlisle's. It was just with our closest family and friends. Everyone made little toasts to us and everyone commented on Edward's sudden ability to tame his wild side. Everyone said I must be special to cause such a change in him. Edward was embarrassed, but it did make me feel special. I was glad he was mine.

Everyone drank, mingled, and celebrated. I on the other hand, was exhausted. I was trying my best to keep up, but I was failing miserably.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked.

I turned to face him. I wanted to lie and say I was fine, but I couldn't. "I'm exhausted. My back is killing me. It's just been a long day."

Edward took my hand and led me down a small hallway into a guest room. "Why don't you lay down for a bit?"

It was really tempting. I just didn't have as much energy as I used to, before I was pregnant. "I should be out there."

"Don't worry about it. Just rest your feet for a while. You've been standing for hours."

I sat down on the bed and Edward removed my shoes and lifted my legs, swinging them onto the bed. He kissed my cheek. "You're beautiful."

I smiled.

"Rest. I'll wake you before too long, okay?"

I nodded. "Thank you."

I think I was asleep before he closed the door.

I woke up in a familiar place, a place I hadn't seen in a while. Everything was white and metal. Cold. It was so cold. I felt like I weighed a ton as I tried to sit up on the edge of the small bed. I did weigh a ton. I was huge. My round stomach stretched out in front of me, covered in a dirty white t-shirt. Pain. I was in so much pain. My back, my neck, my hips, everything hurt. I tried to stand and realized I was sitting in a small pool of blood. I began to panic and yell for help. A nurse strode by and threw a few white towels and a garbage bag through the slot in the door. "Her you go, hun. You'll need them!" A garbage bag? What for? I couldn't do this by myself. I screamed in pain. I had never felt such terrible pain before. There was so much pressure building in side me I didn't know what to do but push.

Eventually, out came two babies, one after the other. I tried to clean them as I heard the door to my cell being unlocked. They weren't crying. They were purple. They felt like ice. They looked like Edward. The nurse came in and took them from me and started throwing bloody towels into the garbage bag. She put the babies in last and I started to scream. "Calm down, honey. There's nothing you could've done. They sure would've been cute, though," she said as she put the last one in the bag and secured it before she walked out. There are no words to describe the emptiness I felt. I screamed for them until I lost my voice and made myself sick.

"Bella! Bella! Wake up, it's okay."

I sat up quickly, breathless. I looked around quickly, trying to get my bearings. My hand flew to my stomach. The bump was still there. I broke down in tears. That empty feeling still haunted me.

Edward stood to close the door. I saw the eyes of the others trying peak in. Edward returned to me. "Baby, what happened? Are you okay?"

I nodded. I hadn't had nightmares like that in a while. "It was just a bad dream."

Edward handed me a tissue. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "No, no. I'm fine." I took a deep breath. "Was I screaming? Did everyone hear me?"

Edward nodded. "Just a few people, though."

I sighed. "I'm ready to go home. I'm sorry." It was a long day and that dream didn't help. I was so tired. I didn't feel like mingling or being asked about the "baby" any more.

"Don't apologize. It's alright. There are only a few people left. We'll go shortly, okay?"

I nodded. He stood to leave.

"Edward?"

He turned around to look at me.

"Will you send someone in to sit with me? I don't want to be alone."

His face fell. "I'll be right back." He left the door slightly ajar and returned a moment later.

"Mum's seeing everyone out."

"I feel terrible for not being out there."

"It's fine, really. Don't worry about it."

I wasn't convinced, but I nodded anyway.

"Now, what will it take to make you smile again?" he asked as he sat down next to me.

I smiled at him. "Just you."

Edward laughed. "That was easy."

Then, it hit me. Chocolate ice cream with sprinkles. I felt my mouth water at the thought of it. "I take that back. I want chocolate ice cream with sprinkles!"

"Ouch," Edward teased. "We'll get you chocolate ice cream and sprinkles on the way home. Anything else?"

I shook my head. "That'll do it, for now."

Nearly an hour later, I was being carried over the threshold of Edward's flat holding two chocolate ice cream cones, one with sprinkles. He was tickling me and making me laugh and I was desperately trying not to let the ice cream drip onto my beautiful dress. My tongue darted out occasionally over both cones to catch the quickly melting ice cream.

I was relieved when Edward finally put me down and closed the door with his foot. His apartment wasn't as welcoming as it once was. It was bare now and full of boxes. We were set to move into our new flat the following weekend.

Edward took the cones from my hands and kissed some chocolate from my lips. I smiled at him when he pulled away. "I'm going to change before I get ice cream on this dress and cry like a three year old."

"Okay, love. I'll be in to help you in a just a minute." He went to the kitchen to put down the ice cream before joining me in the bedroom. I had just let down the rest of my hair when I felt his arms come around me and his breath on my shoulder, in my hair.

"You made the most beautiful bride." He kissed my shoulder. "You, and this day, exceeded all of my expectations." He began to unlace the bodice of the dress. I tingled all over as he gently helped me out of the dress. As I turned around, his eyes instantly went to my stomach. I swear it was growing at warp speed. His hands rested there before he bent down and kissed my bump. He stood again, his lips finding mine. "I love you, and them."

I smiled and felt my eyes tear as I tried to push the memory of the dream I had earlier far, far away. I would be inconsolable if anything happened to our jelly bean or beans, but I would be devastated even more to disappoint Edward. I silently hoped the dream wasn't some sort of premonition, but I quickly remembered Alice's promises that we would be happy. I pushed the worry away and focused on my husband. "I love you, Edward Cullen. I want to show you how much," I said as I kissed him again and began unbuttoning his shirt.

Needless to say, our ice cream cones were very soon forgotten.

The following week was full of surprises. Edward went back to work. He spent more time working than I would've liked, but I understood why. I wish he would understand that he didn't have to work so hard to try to give us everything. He had already given me so much, but the company was important to him and to his father. He told me it was different now, his view on the company. Before, it was just work. It was a means to play, to pay the bills, and live a little, but now, it's success was vitally important to him. Now, he had a family. He wanted to see to the company's success and ensure that we were taken care of, should anything ever happen to him.

Our first surprise came on Tuesday. I finally had my doctor's appointment. I knew I was well behind on my appointments and I didn't think I would ever hear the end of it from the doctor. I was anxiously waiting for the ultrasound technician to come into the room when Edward finally came running through the door.

He wiped sweat from his brow, like he had run the entire way here. "I'm sorry, baby. Did I miss anything?" he asked as he sat down next to me.

I shook my head. I knew he'd make it. I smiled as his lips found their way to mine. "I'm sorry I'm late, Bella. I swear it won't happen again. I just couldn't get out of this god damn meeting."

"It's okay, Edward. Really."

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He hated not being perfect. I tried to take his mind off of it. I lifted up my shirt. "Look how big it's getting!"

He laughed and smiled and kissed my belly. "Will we know the gender today?" he asked.

"I think so, the doctor gave me hell for missing my last appointment. He was appalled that we didn't already know the gender. Wait until he finds out that there's more than one."

Edward and I laughed and were startled quiet when the doctor and technician returned to the room. The technician squeezed the cold goo over my stomach and I knew as soon as the screen displayed the image that there were two. She immediately looked to the doctor and then at my file. Edward and I pretended to be surprised when they told us. The doctor reviewed my file from the doctor in the U.S. and said there had been two all along but one was hiding behind the other, but he could barely make out the signs of an additional sac in the first ultrasound picture. He verified there were two heart beats and Edward and I got to hear them both. It was so neat, and you could tell they were different. They named them Baby A and Baby B. Baby B was bigger, but the doctor didn't seem to be too concerned about it right now. He was however concerned with my blood pressure. He warned of the risks of preeclampsia and advised I would need to be in for bi-weekly visits, gain more weight, drink more water, and rest rest rest. I was a little disappointed with that news.

The doctor told us they were fraternal twins and eventually told us the genders. Edward and I were thrilled. Baby A was a girl and Baby B was a boy. We were getting the best of both worlds. I couldn't have been happier.

Edward took the rest of the day off work and we shared our news with his family. Edward went way overboard with the doctor's recommendations of eating more, drinking more water and resting. He and his mother worked out a schedule in which they would check on me and make sure I had everything I needed. I scolded him at first, insisting I was more than capable of taking care of myself, but in the end, if it made him feel better, I'd deal with it.

The next surprise came later that evening after we returned home from Edward's parents' flat. Edward told me he needed to talk to me about something, but he didn't want to get me upset, but he had been putting it off long enough.

He sat me down on the bed, the only place left to sit in his flat, and told me he would be back. He disappeared into the closet.

"You're really making me nervous, Edward," I yelled out to him. I had no idea what he was going to say, but it couldn't be that bad. Right?

"Don't be nervous, it's not bad," he called back to me. "I'm just worried you might be upset with me for not telling you sooner."

I racked my brain. I had no idea what it could be.

He finally came out of the closet with a stuffed old white envelope in his hand. He sat across from me on the bed, indian style, matching me.

"You remember all the times I told you not to worry about money, that we were fine, and you were contributing?"

I nodded my head, unsure of where he was going. I knew we were more than fine, thanks to Edward and his family, but I still felt terrible for all the legal expense I caused him.

"Well, this is what I meant by that," he handed me the white envelope. I gave him a strange look, unsure of what he was up to. I pulled the folded papers from the envelope. The first thing on top was a Last Will & Testament, my Dad's Will. I gasped, inwardly chastising myself for never thinking of this. It had crossed my mind a time or two when I was in jail, but I just assumed everything was Renee's. I read through it quickly, realizing the only thing that was hers was the house and one specific life insurance policy. All other material possessions were mine along with two additional insurance policies that I was the sole benefactor of.

I looked up at Edward. "I don't understand."

"When you were cleared of the charges, these became yours." He removed the Will from my hand and pulled out two additional pages. They were insurance declaration pages. I was the sole benefactor of both. One was for $250,000 and the other was for $150,000. I gasped and immediately felt my vision blur from the tears pooling in my eyes. I looked up at Edward in disbelief. "Jenks handled it all with the insurance companies. The funds are secured. You just have to sign some papers."

I started bawling. I couldn't believe it. I thought everything was Renee's.

"If Renee is convicted, your the secondary benefactor of this one," he said as he passed me another paper, "and the house."

My eyes went straight to the dollar sign. Another $250,000.

"If she's convicted of murdering him, she cannot collect on the policy and it would go to you."

I was speechless.

"Jenks was in touch with Charlie's accountant. He had an accountant that helped him with all of this. Did you know that?"

I shook my head.

"Yeah, she always helped him with his finances. He spent a lot of money on the policies. He wanted to make sure you were taken care of if anything ever happened to him. A year before he died, he made you the primary benefactor of the two I showed you and removed Renee as the primary. The accountant wasn't sure why. She told Jenks that Charlie said Renee would figure things out on her own, but he wanted you to be secure and wanted you to be able to do whatever you wanted in life. He didn't want Renee to have control over you and your needs."

I sobbed uncontrollably. "He knew," I cried. "He knew she was going to leave him."

Edward crawled to my side and held me. "Shhh. It's okay, Bella."

"How long have you known?" I asked as I tried to wipe away the tears.

"I've known it was in the works since before your hearing, but I didn't know it was confirmed until we were already here. I think I got word from Jenks a week or two after we got here. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. There was just always so much going on."

"It's okay. I mean, I must owe you half that."

Edward scoffed. "No, sweetheart. I don't want a dime of it. It's yours."

I shook my head and nearly laughed. "What would I ever do with that kind of money?"

"Well, I'm sure you'll come up with something. I think a college fund or trust for the beans would be a good start," he said as he rubbed my belly.

My hand covered his. I felt a huge amount of weight lifted off my shoulders. No matter what happened, my children would be cared for. I'd save it all for them. "That's a good idea."

Edward's hands cupped my face as my tears streamed between his fingers. "I love you and your dad loved you, so much."

I nodded my head as my lips found his. "I love you. Thank you so much for everything. I never could've done all of this without you."

Edward smiled at me and kissed my nose before jumping off the bed to grab me some tissue. I cleaned my face and requested a warm bath. My back felt like it was in knots. My wonderful husband tended to me eagerly and helped me into a warm bath before he brought me some fresh fruit to enjoy in the tub.

"You're really spoiling me," I said as he placed another grape between my lips.

"And I'll continue to, as long as I can."

I smiled and rested my hands over my belly. Our babies. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I was so blessed.

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, as usual. My RL is out of control. Renee is back in the next chapter... Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	30. Elusive Reality  Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

Bella

We got moved into our new flat with fairly little hassle. Edward insisted I didn't need to be doing anything. He hired a bunch of help and his mother and I just directed them around. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. We got everything unpacked rather quickly and I was glad. I was so sick of seeing boxes.

After two weeks of being a domestic goddess, I was bored to tears. The flat was immaculate. Edward always had his breakfast, lunch and dinner waiting on him. I had nothing to do while he worked all the time and it was really getting old. I did sleep a lot. I could never get enough sleep lately. The beans were growing fast, as was I.

I was relieved to hear Edward come through the door. I heard the familiar sounds of the mail dropping on the entry table, along with his keys.

"Hi, baby. How was your day?" I greeted him.

"It was alright; busy." He shuffled past me and hung his coat in the entry closet. Something was wrong.

"Is something wrong?" I called out to him. I looked through the mail on the entry table as I heard his footsteps coming closer.

"No, I'm fine. What are you doing?" he snapped, as he quickly took the mail from my hands, like I wasn't allowed to look at it.

I felt tears sting my eyes almost immediately. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

Edward sighed. "I'm sorry." He hung his head. "I wanted to get this taken care of before you saw it. I didn't want you to be worried about it," he said as he handed me an already opened envelope.

It was from Jenks' office. I pulled the letter out and skimmed over it. There was also an Order enclosed. Renee's trial was set. The trial was to be begin the same week the babies were expected.

"We can change it, right?" I asked him.

"I'm sure we can. Jenks wouldn't have agreed to the date if he had known. I haven't told him."

I took a deep breath. "Okay." I hated to think about the trial. It was completely overwhelming.

"I'm sorry I was short with you. I'm just irritated."

I nodded. "I understand, Edward, but I'm a big girl. I'm not going to break. I can deal with things. You don't have to take care of everything behind my back."

He pulled me quickly into a hug. "I know," he said into my hair. "You're stronger than I give you credit for. I'm just so pissed off that this fucking trial is going to mess up everything."

"I know, but we'll find a way to deal with it. We have to, for my dad."

Edward agreed and kissed me briefly before he went to change.

Later that evening, we were discussing how much I hated being a stay at home wife. Edward told me I had to get over it. He didn't want me doing anything strenuous or stressful. I knew he would be like that, and I didn't really blame him. There was no point in working for a few months, only to quit when the twins were born. I knew I couldn't work after they were born.

Edward insisted I start getting the nursery ready and to enlist the help of his mother. After little convincing, I decided he was right. Twins are usually born early, and I didn't want to leave it until the last minute when I was too fat to move.

For the next few weeks, all I did was think about the nursery. Once I came up with the idea, it just consumed me. I had to see it completed.

I had been checking the mail every day waiting for some fabric samples I ordered to come in. For some reason, it seemed to be running late today. I had come upstairs for the 2nd time empty handed.

I started dinner before heading back downstairs to check the box again.

Finally, it was there. I had the box I was waiting on, and flipped through the rest of the envelopes until something caught my eye and I froze.

My name, hand written on the front of an envelope. I knew the hand writing, and the return address; the penitentiary. Renee.

I made it back inside the flat and set the keys and mail down on the entry table. The fabric samples were long forgotten.

I opened the envelope quickly. It was a long letter, hand written on wide ruled paper. I took a long breath, and started reading.

Bella,

Why are you doing this to me? Your attorney pushed the trial back almost an entire year. John left me. I have nothing. I have no one. I cannot afford the bail. I'll be stuck in here forever. You did this to me. How could you? Your father would be so disappointed, Bella. He loved me. He wouldn't want me in this nasty place.

You need to accept what you did and take responsibility for it. You murdered your father over a stupid boy. . .

I couldn't read any further. I couldn't see through my tears, but I felt them running down my cheeks. I fell to the floor and I tried to read more, but I couldn't see to. I know she's mean and evil and a horrible human being, but she was still my mother and everything she said stung. It was even worse now that I had some inkling of what being a mother was like. I hadn't even met my little beans but they already meant more to me than my own life. How could my mother be so cruel?

I barely heard Edward come through the door over my sobs.

"Bella? Baby, what's wrong? What happened?"

He was on the floor next to me in an instant. I worried about his suit getting dirty. I didn't sweep today.

"Bella! What's wrong? Are you okay? Are the babies okay?" he asked while he tried to lift me from the floor. I was as heavy as a whale and he struggled. After I was standing he noticed the letter on the floor. I still couldn't talk. I was too upset. I held my stomach and couldn't fathom ever being so cruel to them.

I know he didn't read it all. He started ripping it to pieces just seconds after he picked it up. He was cursing and saying things under his breath I couldn't hear. He picked up the pieces and threw them away. He turned the stove off and loosened his tie before leading me to the living room and sitting me down on the couch.

"She's sick, Bella. Don't listen to her bullshit. None of this was your fault. None of it!" he yelled and it made me jump. He ran his hands through his hair and kneeled down in front of me. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby."

I hugged his neck and cried into his shoulder. I know he's mad at her, not me.

"Please, talk to me," he said finally, when my cries softened.

I leaned back and tried to clear the tear stains from my cheeks. "It just hurts, Edward. She was my mother. I just cannot fathom how anyone could be so cruel to their child. My hands went to my ever growing stomach. I love them so much," I cried. "I could never, ever do what she did, or say the things she said."

"I know, Bella. You're not like her." Edward stood. "I hate seeing you like this. I'm going to run you a warm bath and I'll finish dinner, okay? Then you can tell me all about your plans for the babies' room. I don't want to hear anything else about that woman."

I smiled a little, remembering my fabric samples came. I was tense and on edge and a warm bath sounded nice. I nodded in agreement and followed him to our bathroom.

I was undressing in the bedroom when Edward announced the tub was ready. I entered the bathroom in only my silk robe that I could barely fit around me anymore. I was surprised to see candles and bubbles.

"I get bubbles?" I smiled.

Edward turned around to face me and smiled. "Of course you get bubbles." He came to me and placed his hands inside the opening of my robe and rested them on my stomach. "You're really growing."

I nodded as I watched him place a gentle kiss on my stomach. It tickled and I couldn't help but giggle.

His eyes lit up as he looked up at me. "I love you, Bella."

I exhaled, and relaxed a little bit. That was all I needed to hear. He helped me out of my robe and into the tub. When he was certain I was content, he left me to work on dinner.

When I felt better and the water had turned cold, I yelled for him to help me out. I had this irrational fear of slipping and hurting them or myself.

He entered the bathroom with a large oversized towel and I wondered momentarily where it came from, because he didn't pull it from the linen closet in the bathroom. He helped me out and wrapped me in the towel and I instantly melted. It was so warm, straight out of the dryer.

"You're so good to me, Edward. I love you so much." I smiled as he kissed me.

"It's just a warm towel, babe," he teased.

I laughed. "It's the thought behind it, and it's not just the towel. It's the bath, the bubbles, dinner, everything."

His hand cradled my face. "I live to see you smile." His lips pressed to mine and in that moment, despite all we had been through and the loss of my father, I knew, I was the luckiest woman alive.

I was eagerly waiting on Edward to leave for work. I had decided that I was going to write her back. I was going to say my peace to her and leave it at that.

I had promised Edward I would forget about it so I wasn't initially planning on telling him. He seemed slower than usual getting ready for work and it was driving me nuts, like he was doing it on purpose.

I was waiting by the door, his lunch in hand.

"I've never seen you so anxious to get rid of me before," he teased. "What have you got planned for today?"

I smiled. "Oh, nothing. Just more baby room stuff and lunch with your mom and sister."

"Oh, well I'm glad to hear that."

I smiled, kissed his cheek, and handed him his lunch. "Have a good day."

He knew I was up to something, I could tell by the curious look on his face. He kissed my forehead. "I don't know what you're up to, but be careful."

I laughed and shook my head at him. "I'm not up to anything, get out of here!"

He placed a hand over my stomach, his usual way of telling them goodbye. It always made me smile.

Once Edward was well on his way to work, I took a shower and cleaned up a bit before heading into the room we used as an office. I started typing out the letter, before I decided that a hand written letter may have more meaning behind it.

Mom,

I got your letter. I didn't read it all, just the first part about how all of this is apparently my fault. You and I both know the truth, so I don't think there is any need in me explaining it again.

For future reference, my name is Bella Cullen, now. Edward and I have been married for a couple of months. He's the most amazing husband. I couldn't have possibly asked for anything more. Do you remember what it was like when you married Dad? Were you happy back then? You had to love him at some point, right? I've seen the pictures. I've seen the way you two used to look at each other. I know you loved him once upon a time. What happened?

Do you know what it's like to walk down the aisle, alone? No, you don't, because Grandpa walked you down the aisle and handed you off to Dad. You got to dance with him at your reception. He got to tell embarrassing stories about you when you were younger. He made everyone laugh and he made you blush. I've seen the home videos. When I was younger, Mom, I used to envision my wedding day like that. Dad, standing up there smiling and being funny and pretending that he hated my husband; the man who would take me away from him. I imagined us dancing together and laughing together. To not have my father at my wedding, was heartbreaking.

Dad worked so hard to give you everything you ever wanted, but it was never enough. You got comfortable and you took him for granted. No matter what you did to him, he was still there, ready and willing to forgive you. Maybe that is why killing him seemed like your only way out.

The part I still cannot grasp is how you could blame your only daughter for his death. I couldn't understand it back then, and today it's even harder to fathom. Your grandchildren are scheduled to arrive in about four months. Yes, grandchildren. Did you know that twins run in Edward's side of the family? Oh, of course you wouldn't know that, you never took the time to get to know him.

My children haven't even entered the world yet, but even thinking of doing something so cruel and selfish to them is beyond me. To feel two little lives inside me that I created with someone I love is the most incredible feeling. There are no words to describe it. At first, I was terrified, and justly so. I clearly didn't have the best example of what a mother should be, so I was really concerned that I could possible turn out like you and fail them.

The first time I heard their hearts beat, and felt them kick inside me, I knew. I knew that I could never ever dream of hurting them the way you hurt me. They're so innocent and precious. I know they'll grow up and make mistakes and do things that Edward and I disagree with, but no matter what they do, I'll still love them. They will still be two of the three most important things in my world. The thought of ever blaming them for something so horrific, just to protect myself...I literally cannot even wrap my mind around it. You're truly sick.

It really upsets Edward and I that as soon as we welcome our children into the world and get them settled and into a routine, we will have to up and leave and go back to the U.S. for your trial. They'll be in a different place, on a different schedule, and have to deal with the emotional mess that their mother will be in. It's not fair to them. It's one thing to blame me for something and to mess up my life, but when you bring my children into it, it's something else all together. I thought I hated you before, but now, I know that hate isn't a strong enough word.

So, I hope you know that I will do everything in my power to see to it that you get what you deserve. You killed my father, and you will pay for it. I'll be at every hearing, at every trial and I'll testify to every affair you've had and every strange man that came through our house when I was little. I may have been young, but I wasn't stupid. You're sick and cruel and you absolutely deserve to be where you are.

I truly wish this wasn't the way it all ended. I need a mother in my life more now than ever, but you don't know the meaning of the word. Fortunately, I have a man much like Dad; a man that would move heaven and earth to make me happy and see to it that I had everything I could ever dream of. With Edward, and the support of his family, we will move on and we will be happy and our children will know the meaning of love. One day, we'll forget about the pain you caused. We have a future to look forward to. You, on the other hand, will never get beyond the set of steel bars in front of you.

Dad taught me that the truth always prevails. I believe he is right, and the truth will be known. Goodbye, Mom.

Bella Cullen

I folded the letter and placed it in the envelope, but I didn't seal it. I had to share it with Edward. I couldn't keep anything from him. Having the words on paper lifted a huge weight from my shoulders.

I got ready for lunch with Esme and Rosalie and wrote Edward a short note incase I was late getting back from the shopping I planned on doing after lunch.

Edward,

I decided to do some shopping for our little beans. I'll be home soon.

We love you,

Bella, Bean A & Bean B

P. S. Our beans need real names.

Author's Note: Hello! Bella is finally making some progress. The story is winding down and the next chapter may be the last. Still undecided on that one, but one or two more at most. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

If you've been a complete failure and haven't been to see Breaking Dawn yet, get to it! It is amazing!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	31. Elusive Reality  Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30

There was nothing left to do, but wait. I had finished the nursery. One side was blue and brown and the other was pink and brown with various patterns of stripes and polka dot accents. Their names hung on the wall above their empty cribs. Empty cribs. I hated seeing empty cribs. I was put on bed rest a few weeks ago, just about the time the nursery was finished. I never went in there anymore. I had this horrible feeling that the cribs may never be filled. I know it's irrational, but I couldn't help it. I just wanted them to be here and to be warm and safe and perfect.

Bed rest made me stir crazy. Edward would literally never let me out of bed. He took it way too far. I even had babysitters! Between his mother and Rosalie, I was always under someone's watchful eye. It was kind of nice to have the company sometimes. I enjoyed his mother and despite Edward swearing his sister was a bitch, she was really quite helpful. She was really excited about being an aunt. Every time she came over she was always bringing something new she bought for them. She even had a small baby shower for me. Edward and I had everything we could ever need or want for the babies.

Rose was just getting ready to leave. She had an interview at a law firm this afternoon.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Rose asked.

"I'm fine. Edward will be here soon anyway, we have an appointment this afternoon."

"Okay, call me if you need anything."

"I'll be fine. Good luck!"

"Thanks!"

I heard the door close behind her and it was back to silence. I was grateful. I had the worst headache. They were getting increasingly more painful as the pregnancy progressed. The doctor said it's due to the preeclampsia, which is why I'm on bed rest and at the doctor's office twice a week. They were trying to hold out another two weeks before they did a c-section. I didn't know if I could hold out another two weeks.

Edward was running late as usual and I met him at the door to head out to our appointment. They were becoming so routine. We waited for half an hour before we were seen by the doctor who did his regular routine of checking various things. He said my blood pressure was still too high and getting higher. He's only giving me another week. Although it was still a few weeks early, he felt the babies were doing well enough that they could be safely delivered next week.

Edward was excited. I was too miserable to care. Everything ached. I was dizzy and just uncomfortable.

Once home, we collected the mail before heading upstairs. I sat on the couch with the mail and a glass of water while Edward started dinner. He was becoming much more domesticated since I had been put on bed rest.

Behind our electric bill was a dirty white envelope with my name on it. My correct name. Mrs. Bella Cullen. It was from Renee. I stared at it momentarily because I couldn't believe she used my correct name.

I opened the envelope slowly. There were several pages inside. I hesitated momentarily and wondered if I should just throw it away. I said my peace. I wanted nothing else to do with her.

I pulled out the folded sheets of paper anyway.

Bella,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is it. By the time you finish reading this, it will all be over.

My heart raced. My head pounded. What did she mean?

I remember very well the day I married your father. I was in love with him, then. I don't know what happened along the way to change that. I guess I was just never satisfied. I remember the day you were born and all the excitement leading up to it. I'm so happy for you and Edward. Children are a beautiful gift. I know you'll do better than I did. You always have, even when I tried to hold you back.

Bella, I killed Charlie. I did. I'm sorry.

I gasped and dropped my glass of water. It shattered against the hardwood floor. I couldn't breathe. It felt like one of the babies were crushing my lungs.

"Bella, are you alright?" I could hear Edward's footsteps making their way towards me from the kitchen. I ignored him.

I just couldn't see any other way around it at the time. I knew if you stayed in London he was going to leave me with nothing. I just thought if it looked like an accident that everything would be okay, but it all just got out of control. We had all drank too much and I only put the drugs in your drink because I didn't want you to see it. I didn't want you to watch me do what I did. It all just happened so fast. You hit your head and Charlie wouldn't quit fussing over you. I called him to the kitchen to help me get some ice for you and that's when I did it. We started arguing about my affairs. He knew, Bella. He knew all along. He just pretended to be blind to it because he didn't want to mess things up for you. He didn't know that you knew so much. He was angry at me for being so careless in front of you. He didn't want a divorce, he always wanted to work things out and it made me so angry. I just wanted out, Bella.

I was not in my right mind at the time. You were an after thought. I panicked. There was blood everywhere. I pulled you into the kitchen and set up before I cleaned up and went out on an errand like it was no big deal. I half expected the police to be there when I returned, but you were still out cold until I started screaming.

I hate reliving that night. It plays over and over in my mind. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking correctly. I just saw it as a way out of my marriage. I didn't comprehend that I'd be taking your father from you, and your own life. I really couldn't believe I got away with it for as long as I did.

I could hear Edward yelling at me but it was all muffled. I just kept seeing images of that night.

I know that I'm sorry will never be enough. I somehow knew I'd always end up here and I'd never get out. I'm okay with that now, I suppose. I'm sorry for what I did to you after the fact. It's amazing what money can buy you. I was sleeping with your doctor at the psychiatric hospital. Did you know that? It was a private facility. We had the option to send you to a facility of our choice or to a state appointed facility. I promise the medication was for your own good. I didn't want you to remember. Not because I didn't want to be found out, but I didn't want to put you through it all, over and over again.

To this day, I don't know how Edward found you or what he did to learn the truth. I do know that he must care a great deal for you to go through all that trouble. I'm happy for you, really. I know that I'll likely never see you again. I know that I'll never meet my grandchildren. This was the only thing I could do to attempt to make it up to you.

I will plead guilty. There will be no trial. You won't have to disrupt your life. It's over. I'm sorry, Bella.

I want you to know that your father loved you more than anything else in this world. He is probably rolling over in his grave for what I have done to you. Believe it or not, I do have a conscious. Charlie haunts me in my sleep, every time I close my eyes. I'll live with the nightmares and what I've done forever. I hope now, you can move on.

Love,

Mom

Hot tears poured over my cheeks and landed on my belly. I still hadn't caught my breath. The room was spinning and Edward was yelling.

A sharp pain in my lower back shook me from my daze. I cried out in pain and I vaguely remember Edward grabbing the letter from my hand and pulling out his cell phone. It was all a blur after that.

I woke to an obnoxious beeping sound. There were people in blue scrubs dancing all around me in a hurry. I was flat on my back and it felt like a million pounds were sitting on my chest. I began to cough and realized there was tube down my throat which instantly made me want to gag.

His eyes. His green eyes leaned over and found my brown ones. Edward was in blue scrubs, too. A mask also covered everything below his eyes.

"Relax, Bella. It's okay. It'll be over soon."

I had no idea what he was talking about. I was so tired. I remember blood splattering onto the doctor's clear plastic mask in front of me. That's when it hit me. Seconds later I felt them being pulled from inside me, one by one. I was terrified. All the blood made me sick and made me think of that night. I never heard anyone's cries but my own. Edward was gone. I was empty and alone. It was cold, so cold.

I don't know how long I had been out. When my eyes opened, everyone was there and it was more peaceful. No more beeping. I could feel Edward's hand inside mine and I squeezed it. He stood and came into my line of vision. I knew everything was okay when I saw that big goofy grin on his face. I'd never been so relieved.

"What happened? Are they okay? Where are they?" I tried to sit up, but was immediately met with an amount of pain that could've knocked me on my back. I winced and leaned back at Edward's insistence.

"They're okay. She's in the NICU, but he's doing good. He's in the nursery."

"Why, is she alright?"

He nodded. "Just a little trouble breathing, but she's going to be fine. They're so perfect, Bella."

"When can I see them? I want them."

Carlisle left Esme's side and stood at the foot of my bed. "Edward, go get your son from the nursery. We'll keep an eye on Bella."

He kissed my forehead and left the room.

Rose filled me in on our daughter's condition. Her lungs were just slightly under developed. She was on a ventilator but was otherwise healthy. She was on medication to speed up the development of her lungs. They didn't expect her to have to remain in the NICU for more than a week.

It seemed like Edward was gone forever. I started to fill his family in on the letter I received, but they already knew. They were all excited for us.

Finally, Edward returned to the room, carrying our baby boy. The nurse pushed his little mobile crib behind Edward.

The nurse adjusted my bed so I could sit up a little bit. Edward placed our son in my arms and pulled his little cotton hat off to reveal little baby strands of copper and honey colored hair.

He was sound asleep, but when Edward left him in my arms he began to cry. His eyes opened and I instantly fell in love. He was perfect and beautiful. Our eyes met and his cries softened.

"Hi, sweet boy." I could hardly see through my tears. I was so happy. He was even more beautiful than I imagined. I kissed his face and told him I loved him a million times. He just stared at me intently. I never wanted to let him go. Ever.

I met my daughter in the NICU early the next morning when I was well enough to be transfered to a wheel chair to go see her. She was smaller than her brother but was the most beautiful baby girl I'd ever seen. She had traces of chocolate brown hair on her head and creamy white skin. She looked like me.

I'd visit with her as often as I could and the nurses would occasionally let her brother lay next to her for a little while. Seeing them together melted my heart.

Slightly less than a week later, our daughter was released from the NICU and we were preparing to go home.

I was packing a small bag with some of my belongings when Edward entered the room pushing the little cart with our daughter in it and his mother was right behind him with our son.

They positioned them next to each other in front of me and I was elated to finally have them together and to be going home.

I observed their little pink and blue name tags on the end of their carts.

It's A Girl!

Charleigh Elizabeth Cullen

DOB: 05-25-08

5 lbs. 6 oz.

It's A Boy!

Cayden Edward Cullen

DOB: 05-25-08

6 lbs. 4 oz.

It took me a while to convince Edward to name our daughter Charleigh. I knew I had to name one of them after my father, and I wanted it to be her. I wanted the name to be unique and different. I wanted people to ask her about it one day so she could tell them about the incredible grandfather she never met but heard so much about.

Charleigh and Cayden were more than I could have ever asked for. They owned me like nothing ever had before. All of my time was devoted to them. I always felt like maybe I had been spending more time with one or the other and I'd have to switch. I'd spend hours just watching them sleep. Edward said it wasn't healthy, but it was so calming to me. They looked so peaceful and content when they slept. I wanted them to feel that way forever. I would never be capable of hurting them the way Renee hurt me.

Renee was true to her word. A few weeks after the twins were born, we got the news. There would be no trial, only her sentencing hearing. It felt like such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I was so grateful that my children's lives wouldn't be disrupted.

I kissed Edward. "I'm so excited and relieved; I almost feel like I should thank her!"

Edward laughed as he went to pick up Charleigh from her little swing. "I don't know if I'd go that far," he teased.

I laughed. "You're right. I hope they sentence her to life without the possibility of parole!"

Edward and I laughed as we looked at Cayden sleeping in his swing and Charleigh staring at her daddy. Charleigh had an odd fascination with Edward. She constantly just looked into his eyes. I think his green eyes fascinated her. She was definitely going to be a daddy's girl.

"I can't get over how much she looks like you. She's so perfect," Edward said.

I kissed her cheek and agreed with Edward. "They're both perfect."

"I wonder if all of this would've happened if you had of stayed in London that year for Christmas instead of going home?"

I pondered his question as I looked around our cozy home, the wedding band on my finger and our two perfect children. I didn't know the answer. Somehow I felt if none of it had of happened, I would've focused on my career and children would've been the last thing on my mind. "I don't know," I finally said aloud.

"Me either. I think it took you disappearing to realize how desperately in love with you I was and how much I wanted, needed, all of this, with you."

I smiled. "Yeah, I certainly don't think all of this would've been on my to do list had I never returned home, but I'm glad it all worked out the way it did. I cannot imagine my life without them, and you, now."

"I agree. It didn't happen on quite the timeline I expected, but I'm grateful nonetheless. I have the most beautiful and amazing wife and two perfect children."

I grinned. "I love you."

He leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. "I love you, Bella."

Right after Edward told me he loved me, we heard the unmistakeable sounds of an infant dirtying a diaper. We both turned and looked at a little red-faced Cayden who burst into tears. We both laughed as I went to pick him up and change him. "You're going to be just like your daddy!" I teased.

Edward followed me to the nursery. "No way! I do not smell that bad when I go to the bathroom!"

I laughed and assured him I was just playing. Stinky diapers and all, my babies were perfect, and so was Edward. My only regret was that my father wasn't there to witness the perfect creations we made, but I'm sure he was up in heaven somewhere, looking over us all.

~The End~

Author's Note:

Sorry for the delay in getting this one posted, my real life is out of control, really. What's new, though, right? :)

I hope you all enjoyed it! There WILL BE an epilogue, so stay tuned for that.

I also hope you all had a good holiday. Ring in the new year with something fabulous and go get what you want in 2012!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


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